prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I've been exchanging e-mails with an old guy friend who I hadn't talked to in forever. The first few mails flowed quickly and easily, and all of a sudden, he has now stopped responding. I mean, it's been a week! Why do guys do that? I just read over our mails and it's not like I said anything wrong; we were still in the middle of catching up with each other's news and he seemed really interested and asked me a bunch of questions. I just don't get it Guys, is there something I'm missing? Do men just quickly get bored with mails? (it was only our 4th message in a 4 day span). I'm confuzzled. I also feel stupid contacting him again now, because it was his turn to respond and it would make me feel desperate/pathetic.
serialgf Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 maybe he met someone and is dating... ... what was the context of your emails? did y'all make plans to hang out?
joshaz Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Just like at work, if an email doesn't receive a response in 48 hours, it won't ever get one. He likely became busy, and has now at least partially forgotten about it. Happens all the time. In business this usually means a follow-up email/call to ensure action is taken... For personal... I'd probably probe a bit to rouse a response.
Okeydokey Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 i've had this one a couple of times too. i'd like to hear some responses from the dudes. my take is it is a way of getting some ego strokes but without any really strings or expectations attached.
Author prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 maybe he met someone and is dating... ... what was the context of your emails? did y'all make plans to hang out? Oh, just really casual "what's new?" kind of thing. We haven't talked in a long time, mainly because I was out of the country. So last week I e-mailed him to see how he was doing because it had been so long. I was hoping to get to the "let's hang out" part, but then he stopped responding. I mean, the last message he sent me had a lot of questions about how I was feeling now that I'm back, and what I'm doing now exactly, etc. So obviously, he somewhat cared a bit. I just don't get it. Just like at work, if an email doesn't receive a response in 48 hours, it won't ever get one. He likely became busy, and has now at least partially forgotten about it. Happens all the time. In business this usually means a follow-up email/call to ensure action is taken... For personal... I'd probably probe a bit to rouse a response. Hah, that seems to be very true! lol I'm really not sure how to go about emailing him again now, i feel so stupid!! He was asking lots of questions in his last message, so the response I wrote was pretty long + I asked him a few questions too (nothing even too personal or weird or anything, just casual like "so do you still live in that area?" and stuff like that), and now I get no response! ughh I don't know if guys really give it all that much thought or not. I thought perhaps he has a gf and suddenly thinks this might lead to too much contact, or heck, I dunno! Maybe guys really are just simple minded and simply forget and don't give a crap. Heck, I don't know. Now the thing that bugs me the most is that I don't know how to contact him next without coming across like a pathetic little clingy thing.
flc Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I thought perhaps he has a gf and suddenly thinks this might lead to too much contact, or heck, I dunno! This would be my guess. If he is a good friend then I would think he would reply, if he wants more than friendship he would certainly reply.
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I just recently got an exchange burst with an old acquaintance. We swapped 3 or 4 emails in a week time span and I haven't got back to her in about 10 days since the last one she sent. Why? Her last one was rather lengthy and I've been job hunting, so I just haven't felt like I've had the time to reply appropriately. Also, I put off communications with people who aren't in the nearby vicinity because generally nothing is of urgent importance.
Author prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 ^^ Ah! That's a great response! lol How would you feel if she casually e-mailed you again? I'm really not sure how to go about this without annoying him.
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 ^^ Ah! That's a great response! lol How would you feel if she casually e-mailed you again? I'm really not sure how to go about this without annoying him. It wouldn't bother me, but it would indicate that there is an ulterior motive to the contact rather than "just catching up". If I was into you and you proposed a "hang out" event of some sort, there's certainly nothing that would stop me, short of the loss of limbs.
Author prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 lol right. Now what if you had a girlfriend that I didn't know about (because you obviously failed to mention this one crucial detail before you suddenly got too busy to respond)... you'd get my new message and have an ego boost, and then you'd shrug it off and let me simmer in my own despair, right?
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 lol right. Now what if you had a girlfriend that I didn't know about (because you obviously failed to mention this one crucial detail before you suddenly got too busy to respond)... you'd get my new message and have an ego boost, and then you'd shrug it off and let me simmer in my own despair, right? It depends, but sure that's a possibility, especially if the last email you sent indicated that you wanted something more than friendship. However, I'm guilty of halting communications with women for even weaker reasons, so take my anecdotal evidence as an outlier.
Author prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 lol thanks for your honesty! Well the emails were pretty relaxed and casual, no hints of any sort. So I guess we're cool. Oh heck, I could just ask him if he wants to meet up for coffee now that I'm back in our city, because e-mail communication clearly sucks
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 lol thanks for your honesty! Well the emails were pretty relaxed and casual, no hints of any sort. So I guess we're cool. Oh heck, I could just ask him if he wants to meet up for coffee now that I'm back in our city, because e-mail communication clearly sucks Whenever I email friends or vice versa it is just because we're bored or someone is trying to re-establish contact after a couple years. When plans are begenning to form the phone is more appropriate, IMO. Anyway, people misinterpret emotional tone over email ~50% of the time, so using it as your basis of understanding the relationship dynamic is relatively worthless.
Author prettybaby Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Hmm, I see your point. Although, asking for his number adds an extra step and seems like it would complicate the whole thing + throw a few extra hints in there, which I want to avoid. (PS: I have his number, but it's been so long, it's possible it's changed since, so yeah lol). Wouldn't it be simpler to just go "hey, emails suck, wanna meet up for coffee next Friday?" (not literally worded like this, but you get the point). Ugh, ok, now I'm totally confused about what I should or shouldn't do. I mean, he's a friend, and I'm not even sure I wanna date him right now or anything, but he's kinda sexy, so I don't wanna mess it up either lol
Adamagnet Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Hmm, I see your point. Although, asking for his number adds an extra step and seems like it would complicate the whole thing + throw a few extra hints in there, which I want to avoid. (PS: I have his number, but it's been so long, it's possible it's changed since, so yeah lol). Wouldn't it be simpler to just go "hey, emails suck, wanna meet up for coffee next Friday?" (not literally worded like this, but you get the point). OK, I can see your reasoning there and your solution sounds good, do it! It's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't. Ugh, ok, now I'm totally confused about what I should or shouldn't do. I mean, he's a friend, and I'm not even sure I wanna date him right now or anything, but he's kinda sexy, so I don't wanna mess it up either lol If he's a friend then there's probably an activity that you two enjoyed doing together. Do that and just go from there. You will know what's appropriate after the initial meeting. Just go with your feelings and rationalize them later.
RainbowBlue Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 I think he just got busy. If you do contact him, just make it short and casual and don't bring up how he didn't respond to your last one. It happens with me - I do to others, others do it to me - men and women - we just get busy. Its cool. The only time it would bother me is if I thought there was something there....or was hoping.... and then his lack of response wold anyway indicate it wasn't the same for him.
Author prettybaby Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 ^^ Ah thanks! Then that's what I'll do lol
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