Isis1808 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 When your SO seems suspicious in some way, is that your own insecurities putting things in your head, or is it really your gut instinct telling you that your SO is up to no good?? Like When you want to use the computer and they say "Wait!!! Let me 'X' out of something first". Is that something to be suspicious about? Or your just taking things out of proportion? Or when you need to use the computer and even if he/she is busy they drop everything and run to your side, then once your off they leave and take the computer with them. Or when they dont pick up they phone when your around cause they claim not to know the number (when you recently deleted each others exes and mess arounds from your phones), so is it either that they are still contacting these ppl or that they are really constantly getting calls from unknown numbers. Hmmmm!!! Or when all of a sudden they jump up and say "I gotta go to my moms house", out of nowhere and they leave so fast all you see are the tire marks. Are things like this suspicious acts or just random acts? Is this something to get upset over (knowing that past "suspicious" acts were actually SUSPICIOUS acts). Should one just ignore all this or should you confront your SO about these acts?? Maybe being too pensative about this isnt such a good thing?? Maybe one should just drop it, but if you do, will it come back to bite you in the @$$?? I really need feedback on this, its really bothering me. Opinions and/or experiences will be helpful...
jwi71 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Like When you want to use the computer and they say "Wait!!! Let me 'X' out of something first". Is that something to be suspicious about? I don't think so. People are entitled to privacy and this seems normal to me. Or when you need to use the computer and even if he/she is busy they drop everything and run to your side, then once your off they leave and take the computer with them. This does not seem normal to me. It is one thing to "X" out of something but entirely different to "drop everything and run to your side". I would be suspicious of that behavior. Or when they dont pick up they phone when your around cause they claim not to know the number (when you recently deleted each others exes and mess arounds from your phones), so is it either that they are still contacting these ppl or that they are really constantly getting calls from unknown numbers. Hmmmm!!! Or when all of a sudden they jump up and say "I gotta go to my moms house", out of nowhere and they leave so fast all you see are the tire marks. Are things like this suspicious acts or just random acts? Is this something to get upset over (knowing that past "suspicious" acts were actually SUSPICIOUS acts). Should one just ignore all this or should you confront your SO about these acts?? Suspicious. Unexplained strange numbers even more so. Have you asked him who they are from? If there is nothing to hide then there is nothing to hide. Based on his actions and your R...you do have a right to know where he is going and who is calling him. That is not unreasonable. Be honest. Ask him. Straight up. Who does 867-5309 belong to? He wants to know why you are asking...tell him. Love can only exist with trust, which requires honesty. Time to be honest.
misternoname Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 The damned computer is how I caught my wife cheating! First big red flag...she started password protecting he log in (never did that in the past). Second big red flag...found a separate email acct she set up (she told me she was getting too much spam with her original one). A little detective work (I used file search...found deleted emails that proved she was messing around). I agree that everyone deserves privacy but at the same time significant others should be an open book with each other. If you have nothing to hide, why hide at all???
amymarieca Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Sorry to say, but I don't think you are just being paranoid. It certainly seems like he is up to something with all this funny behaviour. You can try watching him a little closer if you think something is going on. Sure, it is not right to spy, but I would rather know something is going on now rather than later. I once had an ex that played the "hide what I am doing on the computer" game. One day while he was in the shower, he left his computer logged in so I checked it out. I found out he was chatting with girls in a very flirtatious way. He also had profiles on Plenty of Fish and Lavalife. I am glad I found that out when I did because I was supposed to marry this guy!
Zorie Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Always trust your intincts! If you "feel" like your SO is hiding something from you they most likely are. Yes everyone is entitiled to thier privacy but I think the actions you describe are a little too excessive. In my marriage I always knew when my ex was up to something it was that pit of your stomach gut feeling the nervous vibe he gave off when I walked into the computer room unannounced like he had been caught even though I didn't see a thing... the accusations were always denied and I was made to feel like the crazy jealous one well it all came out in the end. Good Luck!
Vertex Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Dropping what he's doing to monitor your computer use and then taking the computer is very suspect. It's possible he might just be some avid porn surfer, or perhaps he has some extensive collection on his hard-drive that he doesn't want you seeing. But it's also possible that he is doing something sketchy (emailing someone, chat logs, etc) and wants to keep it hidden from you. If he starts accusing you of jealousy/insecurity/etc, those are usually signs that they are cheating/being emotionally dishonest with you. If he randomly jets off "to his mom's," then give his mom's house a call after an hour or so (say you want to make some plans or something) -- actually verify his story in a harmless way. Usually, though, just listening to your intuition seems reasonable. Compare what's going on with how an honest relationship should function, and reconcile those differences and act appropriately.
Author Isis1808 Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Thanks i was thinking the same thing about my instincts but at the same time i was thinking i was just being paranoid. I havent asked him about the numbers b/c i dont go through his phone to see the actual number and ask him about it, but i think im going to ask him to show it to me b/c i will ask. He did the same thing that misternoname said, he put a password lock to log into the account and set up a seperate one for me, which i remember when i first started using his computer that password lock wasnt there. Im going to talk to him about this now that i know that its just not me being paranoid, crazy or jealous. Thanks so much for the feedback.
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