ashleigh422 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 My boyfriend of 4 years is a great guy. BUT.. he constantly calls me names like who**, sl*t, bit**h, C^nt, trailor trash... etc... bad namse.. he tells me that Im a terrible mom and the only reason he stays with me is becuase of our son.. he doen't want my son to stay with me.. I'm psyco.. *fact- I am depressed and on meds (becuase of the way he has treated my for 3 years) *fact- he is the best that I can do.,.. good looking (I'm overweight).. good job.. "total" package Satruday he blew up.. the worst ever and shoved me and cussed me out for hours straight on end.. I cried all night then sunday he apolgized (as always) and then he told me I could go ahead and start getting info on our wedding gathered (he hasn;t ever told me this or that he wants to marry me before) SUNDAY the rest of the day was great... But the more I thought about it.. I was still upset Monday morning.. he called me a C*nt becuase my son was up at 6:00 and I got up with him instead of telling him to go to back to bed(even though I normally and up at 6:05) Then last night he told me that he knows he has a problem and he wants to work on it... WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Do I dedicate myself and believe that he will do the same and the abuse will stop? Or do I disconnect myself and know that HE WILL do it again.. at that time.. It won't hurt so much and I can then make him leave? Or leave him now>??
SushiX Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 It's NOT a fact that he's the best you can do. He made you feel that way thru 3 yrs of verbal abuse and now you believe that. That is just silly. There are millions of men who love overweight women. You'd be surprised. So he shoves you and cusses you out. Next thing you know he might just punch you. Don't believe his lies. Take a break from him immediately. Find ways to improve yourself. Lose weight, education, find yourself a beter job. etc. Look for other options. You'll later realize you deserve so much better than this.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 It's NOT a fact that he's the best you can do. He made you feel that way thru 3 yrs of verbal abuse and now you believe that. That is just silly. There are millions of men who love overweight women. You'd be surprised. So he shoves you and cusses you out. Next thing you know he might just punch you. Don't believe his lies. Take a break from him immediately. Find ways to improve yourself. Lose weight, education, find yourself a beter job. etc. Look for other options. You'll later realize you deserve so much better than this. I agree 100% with what Sushi is saying. You flat out deserve better. His verbal abuse is holding you back, and its time you started enjoying your life and living it for yourself! You never know what you may find - certainly something better than him.
BleuStar Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I agree with the other replies. My ex was similar to yours, always made fun of me and I felt like I wouldn't find anyone better. He got my self esteem down so low and I was seeing this, I just couldn't get out of it. So I forced myself to break up with him, it was hard to stay away, but I'm so glad I did because now I don't have to wonder what comment is going to come out of his mouth. I also now feel like I WILL find someone who's better, when before I felt like the ugliest person on the planet. If you get away from this man you will start to feel better. It might not seem like it for awhile, but you'll soon realize that you don't miss these types of comments or abuse, and that you're happier being just you for awhile. Good luck.
Geishawhelk Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 My boyfriend of 4 years is a great guy.No, he's not. BUT.. he constantly calls me names like who**, sl*t, bit**h, C^nt, trailor trash... etc... bad namse.. he tells me that Im a terrible mom and the only reason he stays with me is becuase of our son.. he doen't want my son to stay with me.. I'm psyco.. And this is why. *fact- I am depressed and on meds (becuase of the way he has treated my for 3 years) *fact- he is the best that I can do.,.. good looking (I'm overweight).. good job.. "total" package He's done a good job at brainwashing you, that's all.... Satruday he blew up.. the worst ever and shoved me and cussed me out for hours straight on end.. I cried all night then sunday he apolgized (as always) and then he told me I could go ahead and start getting info on our wedding gathered (he hasn;t ever told me this or that he wants to marry me before) SUNDAY the rest of the day was great... But the more I thought about it.. I was still upset No, really? You do surprise me! Monday morning.. he called me a C*nt becuase my son was up at 6:00 and I got up with him instead of telling him to go to back to bed(even though I normally and up at 6:05) "Great guy", huh.....? Then last night he told me that he knows he has a problem and he wants to work on it... That was big of him..... WHAT SHOULD I DO?? Do I dedicate myself and believe that he will do the same and the abuse will stop? Or do I disconnect myself and know that HE WILL do it again.. at that time.. It won't hurt so much and I can then make him leave? Or leave him now>?? The last bit. Yup. Definitely.
Lee725 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 not just For your own sake (which is highly important) but for the sake of your son, GET OUT OF THERE, even if by some shear miracle this is not happening in front of your son, he will hear it and he will carry this for this rest of his life. This man has some serious issues (to state the obvious) and although you may feel trapped for some reason or have no where else to go (which i am thinking because this is one of reasons why the cycle continues), you must reach out and get some help. Consult on-line or your local phone directory for services available in your area. Domestic violence does not just involve physical assault, it is emotional and psychological as well. Please for your future and the future of your son, leave this relationship. It is toxic. What ever has happened, no matter what the triggers are, no matter what the excuses or the apologies, this will continue and more than likely get worse. Please get some support if for nothing else to raise your own self esteem, to give you a fighting chance and some inner strength to escape this environment. Don't be blinded by promises of marriage or apologies. Good luck.
zxcirce Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 He's not a great guy. He's NOT a great guy. He's NOT a great guy. He's abusive. Leaving would be ideal. As you probably know, it will continue to get worse the longer it's allowed to continue.
Touche Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Stay and you're teaching your son how he should treat his wife some day. Is that what you want? Please, leave. So what if you're a little overweight and you're not as educated? You're a human being. The mother of his child. You deserve respect. Thank god I left my abusive ex. He used to call me names and sometimes he would even push me. He used to question where I went and who I talked to. Thank god I left. I also thought I couldn't do better. He was educated and smart and made a very good living. But it wasn't worth it. So I left. Guess what? I found a man who thought I was the best. We've been married for 13 years now (together 14). He's smart and educated and and a wonderful husband and father. Please, please leave. No one should put up with that kind of abuse. Ashleigh, it might be hard at first but trust me..in the end you won't regret it. Expect to be treated like a queen and you WILL be treated like one. If you think you're nothing and don't deserve much..that's what you'll get.
Author ashleigh422 Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 Thanks to all who gave me the courage to leave him.. a few days now and still NO regrets... I know it may seem soon.. but I have signed up to an online dating site.. and already feel very confident that I will and can find someone just as great and good looking who will actually appreciate me!! THANKS !!
Geishawhelk Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Don't on any account respond to any attempts he might make, to call you, talk to you, text you, see you or whatever. Go completely NC. Of course, this may have already happened, so if you have done this, ignore me - !! At one point, his rights to see his son may come up (I think you said he's your [joint] child....?) but this is all you want to discuss with him. preferably supervised, and preferably through a lawyer.
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