EYECANDY000 Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Should I go back to NC with her to see how she reacts? Or Keep in touch with her as a "friend"? Arent you contradicting yourself? why are you asking if you should remain friends with her, when you had already stated to her that its hard to remain friends with your ex? Just stick with the n/c ..
hayworth24 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Hi. I read your post and I did something similar to what your GF did. The difference is that I was madly in love with this man and we got along great - except for communicaiton. He is the strong silent type and I am more chatty. Eventually I left the relationship out of frustration. I stopped talking to him because it is easier for me because I still cared so much for him. I didn't want him to sense my lingering feelings. We eventually got back together and are now on the verge of breaking up again. However, while we were apart, there were a couple of times that I just called him and said could I come over. I was having a hard time in other areas of my life and I just wanted him to hold me. He was very loving and did this. He did not have someone else in his life. Another time we just chatted on the phone. I knew I still loved him and I knew he loved me. I left for my sanity. The frustration was overwhelming. He would listen to what I would say and then that was it. No talking it out, no "hey hon I hear what you are saying. sure lets plan a date or what do you want to do today?" So long story short - he said "I love you and I will always love you. I want to be more than your friend. But I can't just be your friend." BUT.....I WANTED HIM TO FIGHT FOR ME-FOR US and he didn't. He knew what I was asking for (dating on Saturdays was hard because he had his kids and communication). He wouldn't budge and was sooo stubborn that it really hurt me that he ignored these issues. He just let me walk away and it broke my little heart!! So just let her know you care deeply for her, you respect her and maybe some day you will be together again. She also needs to know that you are not waiting for her and your life will not stop. If you meet someone, then you may date others. If she is afraid of losing you, she will fight for you. Keep your head up!! Hugs!
pepper-c Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Said that she has too much going on in her life (stressed at work, problems at home). Also, we live about an hour away. She still loves me and we have a lot of fun together...the problem is our communication sucked too. I mean she broke up with me on email during work. Said that she left the relationship out of frustration too. We also live an hour away and she said she wasn't happy with only seeing me on weekends and then wasn't getting the attention from me she wanted when we were together. So when we first broke up, she said that she wants to be friends and then maybe when she gets out of her "rut" we can date again in the future if we have different "objectives" to our relationship. Said she has things she needs to work out for herself first though. So at first, I begged and pleaded for her to come back which didn't work. Then I told her 10 days ago that we can't be friends because why should she get her cake and eat it too? She agreed with me and wished me well. And in the past 10 days, she has texted me a few times and sent me an email. The one text and email were stupid **** but the one text was telling me she got promoted at work (another problem in her life was she didn't have health benefits until the promotion kicks in). I only responded to her telling me bout the job with a quick (congratulations text). So my quesiton is this. Should I continue to go no contact to let her see what she is missing. Or as Hayworth said....should I "fight for her" by showing her that I am still there for her and still care about her. She is only 21, not very mature and while I am confident she is not with other guys and also hates dancing with/hooking up with random guys, I'm just affraid that she may be moving past this. I know I'm making it harder on her by not being the crutch she wanted me to be to heal and obviously she still thinks about me, but at what point do I reach out to her if at all?
hayworth24 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 At this point she has a lot going on, go NC or LC (Limited Contact) so she knows you are not always her fall back plan. One important thing to do is to go out and have fun with your friends, family and hobbies. Stay busy so you are not dwelling on it. When a woman cares about a guy, and he is not available but he's also NOT mean either, this is very attractive. I can't promise this will work, but she will be more attracted to you once she sees you are not waiting around or bugging her. We want what we can't have. Good luck. xoxo.
pepper-c Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 ...more thing. I try to stay busy but can't get her off my mind. Even though we don't talk, does she somehow have some woman's intuition type of thing where she just knows that I haven't forgotten yet? Sounds stupid, I know, and it's only been a few weeks. See, thing is, this girl has only had 2 other boyfriends and both of them stalked her or hounded her for months (and still do years later) after they broke up. As I've said, she's 21 and i'm 8 years older and more mature and have been in scenarios where girl her age broke up with me and was with OM and came back months later after I had moved on. Also relationship in college where the girl just cut it off. I'm not sure where this girl stands yet. Not to toot my own horn because she broke up with me to begin with, but I know she never dated a guy who is mature and has things going for themselves the way I do. Some of my friends suggest she just got scared and couldn't handle it. I'm confident that deep down she really cares about me - she told me that she wishes that I"m in her life forever. See in her mind, her ex-boyfriends always hang around so that is the only experience she has had. I hung around for the first week after the break up but then made it clear I am no longer going to. So I guess no one knows how'll she'll respond when she realizes I'm actually gone because I don't think either of her past two exes ever really left her alone. Does this possibly work to my advantage as far as NC goes? Thanks.
murphomatic Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Commitment - I know she's not sleeping with other guys, she won't have sex with somebody unless she is in a relationship and I know that for sure, so that's not the reason for the break up. Don't want to read too much into it, but this statement struck me as somewhat odd. If you and her "broke up", thereby ending your "relationship", yet you're still having sex.. Anyway - it seems that she's ok with not officially defining a relationship with you, and you're not looking for security in the sense of long-term commitment (moving away for grad school, etc), I'd say why not maintain an FWB situation with her? If you both recognize that this will absolutely, positively NOT last, and at one point one or the other of you is going to cut the tie - for whatever reason, you moving away, meeting someone knew, or someone new meeting her (she may not necessarily be "looking for other guys", but those "other guys" may be loooking for her) - that you'll both just shake hands, and amiably part ways with nothing but great memories and smiles - go for it; maintain some modest level of contact with her as a "friend". But what I just described is somewhat of a fantastical scenario. 99% of the time, someone always wants for more, and crawls away hurt. You have a 50/50 chance of it being you. As other posters have mentioned - proceed with caution. If you don't like the odds stated above, you'll have to go NC for the long-haul.
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