scold2886 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Ok, now what is the best way to get thru to women. Like what annoys you and what want's you be with a guy or take one back
Konfuzion Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Ignore them, don't call, don't answer calls from them, don't let them see that your hurting, and don't let them know you want them back.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 If a girl is annoying you: You tell her! Straight up. Don't make it into a joke, because she may not think its that serious. Theres nothing wrong with being honest with a person, if they love you, they should be able to understand you are only mentioning your issue because you feel it must be said to carry on with the relationship. Don't be hurtful, or overly rude, just be honest! For example: <insert name>, this may sound really strange but... when we go out for dinner, you talk really loudly in the restaurant, I know you're not a rude person, but talking that loudly is a little bit rude, and it bothers me sometimes. The girl will probably be a little bit hurt, but honestly, its better said that not, right? What makes me want to be with a guy? At first - the pursuit. Liking a guy, knowing MAYBE he likes me, and us slowly getting closer and closer. Sometimes, I fall for guys I never even I expected to fall for - like I just chat with someone in class, and as we joke with each other more and more, I start to feel an attraction to them. During the pursuit, if a guy gets too clingy, or comes off too strong, then I'll probably be turned off. What long term makes me want to be with a guy? If hes respectful, of me, of my family, my friends, his family, his friends, strangers - everyone. If he has his own life, but still makes me part of it - by that I mean, he is active in his life, he does things for himself, but he does things for me too. There needs to be a certain level of chemistry, and we also need to be compatible to a point, differences are okay, but if they're causing tension between us, then they're not. What would make me take a guy back? Distance. Lots of it. At least for starters. If I broke up with a guy because I felt he was not meeting my needs, I would not want him back right away, I'd be ready to move on and search for a new guy who CAN meet my demands! However, I believe in lifelong learning, and I believe people can grow. If the guy I broke up with, a few years later, ran into me, we talked, maybe decided to get coffee or something, and I noticed he had changed in ways I respected, then maybe I'd give him another shot! If he broke up with me, and in doing so, truely hurt me deeply? Hmm.. could I take him back? Maybe, but not without years and years between us, in which time we would BOTH have to grow and get over eachother. So that the nextime we met up, years later, we could approach eachother as two new people, and not two people that failed to work out, years before hand.
dozer4444 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I have the same problem, my wife wants out. I ve decided since I live in the house for now. Be nice, be strong, dont beg, let them have a bit of mystery behind you..will give you better chances of them giving you another shot.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Ignore them, don't call, don't answer calls from them, don't let them see that your hurting, and don't let them know you want them back. And yes, if you're trying to win them back... the best tactic is to stop trying and get over them. Sounds backwards, but trust me, I have a ton of girlfriends, and when their ex's that they broke up with tried and tried to win them back? It NEVER worked, it only repulsed my friends. My one girlfriend, though... she dumped her ex. He accepted it quietly, and never showed any sign of hurting. Over the next 4 years, they seldom talked. They would hang out MAYBE twice a year, and it would only be for an afternoon, and all the while her ex never ever showed he still had feelings for her. During this time, they both dated other people. She never wasted a thought on him, and he though of her sometimes, but generally did not let it hurt him. Somehow, they are dating now. Have been for two years, and they just moved into together!! I think this only worked because her ex never ever pressured her. He let her live her life, and she lived hers. He waited until she was at a place where dating him seemed like a good idea, but while he waited, he actively tried to love and see other people. He did not mope around. Follow his example maybe, it could work. But overall, Konfuzion has the right, most simple but effective advice.
FF84 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 How NOT to get them back: Tell them how much you want them back Tell them you can't hold back the tears Beg them to give you another chance Analyse everything you did down to the last detail and beat yourself up for what you think you did 'wrong' Refuse to give them any space Text them, email them, write them letters - even if they ignore your attempts at communicating Show them how much you need them Show them how much you're hurting Do all of these things and i guarantee she won't be taking you back! You'll just push her away and be left feeling even worse! I'm speaking from experience in a failed attempt to get over a great girl.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 How NOT to get them back: Tell them how much you want them back Tell them you can't hold back the tears Beg them to give you another chance Analyse everything you did down to the last detail and beat yourself up for what you think you did 'wrong' Refuse to give them any space Text them, email them, write them letters - even if they ignore your attempts at communicating Show them how much you need them Show them how much you're hurting Do all of these things and i guarantee she won't be taking you back! You'll just push her away and be left feeling even worse! I'm speaking from experience in a failed attempt to get over a great girl. I have never learned from my past mistakes!! What you are saying is 100 percent true. Nothing is more unsexy to a woman than an emotionally unstable...needy man. All of those things are the things NOT to do!! I did all of them. I tried to give space but failed.... Guess what though I got my act together. I havn't called he in a month..........then all of a sudden she calls 3 times and doesn't leave any messages. I never caled her back
FF84 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I will probably never learn either! The crazy thing is, looking back at when it was over, i don't think it was TRULY over and if i'd just sat tight it might have been different. If only i could turn back the clock... Oh well. Instead of beating myself up about what i did in the relationship and why i might have turned her off i'm now beating myself up about how i've handled the aftermath!
SushiX Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Tell her you're seeing someone new even though you're not. Completely ignore her calls, text. etc. She might come crawling back.
Geishawhelk Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Lying is not the way. It just complicates things. If you need to lie to get your point across, you're resorting to weak behaviour. If you're lying, you behave in such a way that proves you're not confident enough to deal with something with honesty and integrity. As you should.
Author scold2886 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 Alot of good thing's i'm hearing here, but what is on way you can make your ex say DAMN i just want him back. Like ladies what really turn's you on
SushiX Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Lying is not the way. It just complicates things. If you need to lie to get your point across, you're resorting to weak behaviour. If you're lying, you behave in such a way that proves you're not confident enough to deal with something with honesty and integrity. As you should. haha ok, but it works for me. Weak behavior or not, it makes me feel better. Who says you gotta deal with honestly and integrity in a situation like this? All's fair in this game.
Geishawhelk Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 No, it isn't. There is nothing to say, anywhere, that Life has to be fair. If it was, we'd all win the lottery every week. But there are ways, and there are ways. And the bad ways have a habit of leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. Self-respect is a big thing. If you can honestly say you're proud of yourself for lying and being weak, then I would think you have some serious issues in yourself to work on. If you cannot love the way you should, who's gonna Love you the way you'd want to be loved?
Kamille Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I think every situation is different If my ex had at any point 1) apologized 2) told me straight out he wanted us to try for a second chance instead of playing games and hitting on me out of the blue I would be getting in touch with him right now. Instead, I miss him like crazy, but every time I think that I would have to make the first move towards reconciliation once again, I am reminded of just how big his ego is and it helps me keep NC.
carhill Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Ok, now what is the best way to get thru to women. 50,000 volts is a good start Seriously, expect to annoy her by being honest, even if that honesty includes an apology, and then leave her to digest the totality in silence. Silence is golden
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Alot of good thing's i'm hearing here, but what is on way you can make your ex say DAMN i just want him back. Like ladies what really turn's you on There is no one definite way to get a girl back. You can't just pick up some trick and have her come running into your arms. Anything along this lines is manipulation, and NEVER works in the long run. What really turns a girl on? How about what really turns a girl off? A clingy guy who obsesses over how to get her back. We've told you the winning, the BEST way to get her back - so listen to it: Go no contact. Get over her. Become indifferent to her actions. Overtime, she'll probably start to wonder what you're up to. She'll probably get jealous. Will that get her back though - who knows, probably not in the long term. How do you want her back? A) In the short-term: Then go NC and when she gets curious and comes snooping, get what you can. This is the sleezy option, and probably will hurt you. B) In the long-term: Then go NC and when she gets curious and comes snooping, be indifferent. A few years later, if things have gone okay, you've both lived your own lives, and are at a place to date again, then try, and MAYBE you'll get a lasting, healthier, relationship out of the deal. Thats all thats it. No other tricks. You want a girl back, listen to what we're saying!
robaday Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Well I hate to say it, my ex recently dumped me for the second time, and the amount of games that were involved in retrospect would drive anyone crazy. when I first met her, I was immediately bessoted but concealed this, not playing hard to get, but to assure myself that she was interested-this meant she was constantly in touch. After awhile of seeing each other, when drunk I would let slip I have strong feelings for her. she would normally not respond, and would back off a little. Eventually, I think my sharing my feelings too much scared her off, as she dumped me after sending her a really nice text saying how much I missed her on holiday. anyway I acted calmly after the breakup, said no worries and stayed in touch. I acted like I didn't care, exercised, went out and had a good time. Anyway this brought her back. When she met me I looked different (healthier, fitter and I acted like I wasn't interested. After a few drinks, she was sitting on my lap, telling me what a big mistake she'd made, and then we slept together. Fast forward 3 months, the same thing has happened. I moved closer to where she lived, and when arriving was quite needy in terms of not knowing anyone. When I met her, for the first time in awhile, she was very off with me, and basically she said she wasn't 100% about a relationship with me. This time however I reacted badly, insulted her, and then spent the next few days sending lovesick text messages. whilst it sounds manipulative, I am pretty sure if I had not acted so needy, and hadn't over-reacted to the dumping, and acted disinterested she would be in my arms now. However, acting like that would have been hiding my feelings which I'd been struggling to suppress for a long time, and in a way would have been dishonest to myself. There is only so long you can act disinterested for with someone you are in love with, and whilst it does help in retaining attraction, it's a tough act to keep up.
Angel1111 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Here it is in a nutshell, guys. If a man has a woman's respect, he can tell her that he loves her and wants her back and this has tremendous impact. When a man like this humbles himself for a woman, it will make an impression. She will have no interest in running all over him because a) she would have no desire to, and b) she knows he wouldn't allow it. You need to have the woman's RESPECT first - then you can share your heart and it will mean something. If you don't have her respect, then very little of what you say or do will have any impact. If you have lost her respect, then you'll have to get it back first. If you've been controlling, you'll have to prove that you accept her as she is, that you have no interest in changing her, or preventing her from being who she is. If you don't know what made her lose respect for you, then you'll need to figure that out. The truth is, when a woman walks away from a relationship, it's usually because the man has pushed her away in some manner and has made her feel unloved, or she has lost respect for him.
SushiX Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 If you can honestly say you're proud of yourself for lying and being weak, then I would think you have some serious issues in yourself to work on. If you cannot love the way you should, who's gonna Love you the way you'd want to be loved? Ok well maybe I'm coming from a playa's perspective. Not saying I'm a playa, its just players lie to get what they want and they usually get it. It has nothing to do with being weak. And players don't want love, because they just playing. It takes skills to be a true playa ya know.
Geishawhelk Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 ....its just players lie to get what they want and they usually get it. It has nothing to do with being weak. Well of course it does! Because they're too weak to actually verbalise what they need to those who matter. It's dishonest, and it breaks hearts. It's inconsiderate and selfish. These are signs of Moral weakness. And players don't want love, because they just playing. Wrong. Everybody wants three things in life: To be Understood, Appreciated and Loved. But some people think there are shortcuts. Some people think that in order to achieve those things, it means treading on people and abusing them. This looks as if it achieves benefits in the short term, but over time, it simply creates more suffering and sadness. It takes skills to be a true playa ya know. No, it takes moral strength and character to NOT be a 'playa' you know.....
hayworth24 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I read your question and was quite pleased that you care enough to ask. Sounds like you lost someone you loved very much. First let me say that all women are different. Some want to be left totally alone, some want you to pant after them. A mature woman that knows who she is wants a man to just be Honest. I would rather have a man that I am having problems with in a relationship say to me "hey I am at a loss here, but I love you enough to work it out", etc. Most adults are not that self aware. So I know I am a wishful thinker wanting this..... I have left guys before and I have also been left before. If I am the one that does the "leaving" and it was not due to abuse or some sort of major disrespect, I would want the guy to say "be happy but i will be here for you if you need me" and wish me well. If he leaves, then I would want him to be honest with me and then try to not contact me as it would be too painful. As for what I want as a woman....chemistry, compassion, kindness, faithfulness, honesty, fun, friendship, respect, common interests. Is this asking for alot? People tell me yes, but I am trying not to settle for less. Not looking for perfection, just for someone to be real and kind. Don't like Bull*** or Games.
alwayssme Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 so let me give a little input from my relationship before the one i just got out of i'm going to disagree with most people on this thread because there is no "simple answer" to "how to turn someone on" or "how to make someone want you back". So about three years ago I was in a relationship with this guy whom i really liked and cared for. However we would argue alot and it got to the point where i just got tired of it. So i broke up with him. Now most people here would say "go NC or show her you don't care" so she can want you back. Well he did that for two months and you know what? It only showed to me that he wouldn't even fight for me and it was helping ME move on because i didn't hear from him. Then I'm guessing after he realized that i wasn't (and i really wasn't) going to call him or that this plan of "acting indifferent will make her care, he texted me saying he was sorry and just wanted to talk to me. I didn't call him for two weeks because I didn't know what to say. Then i actually decided to call. He told me how he felt, how he had missed me and that he wanted another chance. Did that make me think he was pathetic? Not at all. maybe because i'm a good person, i guess evrybodys different. It made me see him in a better light actually because he cared for me enough to let his guard down and open up. So i gave him another chance (which proved to be a mistake because he HAD NOT changed) but my point is that I appreciated him at the time for showing emotions. I did not see him as weak and even if i were to have decided not to take him back, I will always think of him in a much higher way for apologizing and actually opening up. But every case is different and everybody is different. But what I'm saying is there are no rules when it comes to love. unfortuantely, because if there were i'm sure none of us would be on this forum now Have a good weekened everybody!
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