ImThinkingWTF Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 So my boyfriend...well ex I guess, broke up with me. We had this no strings thing going for quite a while that seemed to be working okay for him but, I wasnt totally happy with the arrangement. We talked about being exclusive (even though neither of us was involved with anyone else) and he asked me if I would be his gf. I figured that since we went so long with out a commitment that this was something that he actually wanted. So, he broke up with me. he said that he wouldnt have a relationship with anyone, even jessica alba. So far, things have seemed like we havent even broken up. He still acts like we are in a relationship -- the only thing missing is the title. I really care about him and would venture to say more but, Im not entirely sure about that. I asked him a million questions as to why and havent got a real answer - or one that Im satisifed with I guess. So, my friend told me that I should ignore him and see how he really likes being broke up but, Im not a game player. Is it possible that he is really that scared of commitment. I mean, we had the no strings thing for 9 months and only dated with a title for the past 2. Is it time for me to move on or should I see where this takes us?? Im so confused...I really care about him and we have a great relationship. We never argue, we have the best time together, I love talking to him, we have great chemistry. I asked him if he was attracted to me, thought we had chemistry, had fun with me, liked being with me, thinks we have good conversations...and he answered yes to all of them. So I cant tell if hes just scared of commitment or if its me....because really like I said the relationship is great - and its not all in my head. what should i do? is there anything i can do or say to change things? he said to give him 5 years....5 years? before i can even call him my bf?? thats insane.
smm80 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I'd say see ya later...don't be so available. If you arent dating...then you are just friends...if you arent ok with being friends with physical benefits...dont do the physical. And if that upsets him, he's using you. See if you not being around and available will show his true feelings about you to himself
Geishawhelk Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 U agree. The way to do it is to go No Contact. He's dangling you on a string.... so snip it. I do mean, NO contact, BTW..... Nophonenotxtnomsnnoemailnoletternoseenospeaknonuthin'.... No. See how long it takes him to think - no like!!
amaysngrace Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I agree. It's not a game. It's a survival tactic. If he's okay with you being gone from his life he's not worth it anyway.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 well i havent called him back today but i did text him back...not right away though. I guess Im going to have to do what you and my friend said and not call him, i'll see soon enough how he really feels. But, Im going to hate to find out that he really doesnt care. we're both 26.
Trialbyfire Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 You have needs that are important too. If he's unwilling to meet them, where's the loss, beyond the short-term loss? Step back and let him do his thing by himself. Maybe he'll come around and maybe he won't. That's his choice, but your choice is to live your life the way you want, finding someone who not only can meet your needs but wants to meet them gladly.
fral945 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Two quotes stand out: he said that he wouldnt have a relationship with anyone, even jessica alba. he said to give him 5 years....5 years? before i can even call him my bf?? thats insane. I interpret that as: He doesn't want a committed relationship right now. He probably likes the sex with you without the hassles of a real girlfriend. He's not ready to settle down anytime soon. He is telling you exactly where he stands.
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