tomwiz Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 A little backstory, I'm a 24 year old graduate student... My freshman year of college (about 5ish years ago), I met this girl in class named S. I asked her out almost immediately and she said that she had a bf. We became good friends, talked daily, drank together, hung out, etc. I moved along, dating in college, all the while still having feelings for S. Years pass, the last day of my junior year I lay it all out on the line and tell her how I feel. It goes well, she reciprocates many of the same feelings however says that she can't do anything, she cares for her BF and although things are rough he's been there for her through alot. Battered and heartbroken, I decide its finally time to make a change and go limited contact to get me over her. We still ocassionally contacted eachother but it was clear there was some awkwardness. Well early in the summer, I met a girl lets call her M. M and I fall for eachother quickly, we are inseperable. I had completely gotten over S and was falling madly for M. First day of my senior year of college I was at a bar enjoying a few brews with friends. S comes up to me and states that she had broken up with her Bf over the summer and that she felt the exact same way about me and was just to scared before to take a chance on us. I was faced with a decision...stay with M or take a chance on S. I decided to stay with M. S and I remained good friends, although with always a lingering "what if". M and I dated for 18 months, broke up for two months and have reconciled and are happy to this day, working out many of our issues. Well its now been several months since I last heard from S (both of our choice...our SO's are both not keen on the idea of us speaking, knowing hte history. I went on facebook the other day only to see S's wedding pictures. It was probably the strangest feeling of my life. Doubt about my previous decision raced threw me. Did I make the right choice? Should I have taken the chance? This was only 2 days ago and I'm finding myself feeling distant and a sort of sadness sweep over me. Don't get me wrong, I care deeply for M and our temporary breakup made me realize what she means to me...but part of me can't shake this what if. I've contemplated emailing S just to see how she's doing and out of curiosity...I know its a bad idea though. Is this normal? Am i awful?
Geishawhelk Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Yes, it's normal, no you're not awful - But - don't do it. Leave it be, and move on. It didn't heppen. She's married and happy. you're with someone, and happy. Time will tell. Until 'Time' tells, don't ask.
Ronni_W Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 What Geisha said. Stop looking back and fretting the "what if" -- it'll just make you crazy and nothing else.
joshaz Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Look at it as an opportunity. If you and "M" don't work out, you have the opportunity to start planning the downfall of "S's" marriage... And you won't feel bad about it because most marriages fail anyway... And if that doesn't work, there are plenty of other letters in the alphabet...
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