shadowplay Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Maybe this is a stupid question but I've always been confused by my sexual orientation. I know I'm attracted to men, so I'm not gay, but I don't seem to be entirely straight either. I know some of you will say sexuality is fluid and you don't need to define yourself, but I feel like defining my orientation is an important part of my identity. Let me just start by saying I've never had a sexual experience with a girl because I'm shy. I've always wanted to. I have had crushes on girls since I was fourteen. The first time I had a crush in high school it really freaked me out but I stopped caring once I realized it wasn't so taboo to be bisexual. I'd say I have a crush on 1 girl for every 2 guys. I'm only attracted to a certain type of girl -- slightly tomboyish but also very pretty. Kind of like a young Debbie Harry (who was coincidentally bisexual) looks and personality wise but less bitchy. Usually small frame but that's not so important as long as she's slender. I don't like girly girls. About 3/4 of my sexual dreams are about women/girls. I would def like to have a relationship with a girl at some point, not just a sexual thing. But I couldn't see myself marrying a woman. I think I'd feel unsatisfied. But the idea of being close to a girl, both emotionally and physically, really turns me on. Just cuddling with her, kissing her and looking into her eyes. I'm drawn to the idea of possessing a girl and feeling her vulnerable in my arms. Sometimes I also feel that I'm wired like a guy. The idea of being bisexual or even talking about this always makes me feel incredibly creepy and uncomfortable like I'm some lecherous dude, which is part of the reason I'm so hesitant to ever pursue a girl. I think it's because my attraction to women feels somehow sexist in its domination component. What do you think?
SushiX Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Bisexual or Bicurious? What's the difference? Nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. If you feel this way about women you should try it. You might just find out you're really a lesbian all this time!
Jilly Bean Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I think youre considered bi-curious until you commit to being bisexual. Experimentation seems to grant you a free pass to bi-curious land and give it a test run. lol. Ive never had romantic or sexual feelings towards women. But you? Yes, you sound bi-curious, Shadow. Heck, I dont even like most women as creatures, yet alone to screw one. lol I say you should pursue your crush - who knows, you might find women to be fabulous, or the idea of snatch to be off-putting. (FYI - was flying from Orlando to Boston a few years back and Blondie and her band were on my flight. Odd they were flying commercial, I thought, but they were doing a back-up gig at Harborlights. We chatted across the aisle, and she was very tiny, yet very, um, dudelike. )
Author shadowplay Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 I think youre considered bi-curious until you commit to being bisexual. Experimentation seems to grant you a free pass to bi-curious land and give it a test run. lol. Ive never had romantic or sexual feelings towards women. But you? Yes, you sound bi-curious, Shadow. Heck, I dont even like most women as creatures, yet alone to screw one. lol I say you should pursue your crush - who knows, you might find women to be fabulous, or the idea of snatch to be off-putting. (FYI - was flying from Orlando to Boston a few years back and Blondie and her band were on my flight. Odd they were flying commercial, I thought, but they were doing a back-up gig at Harborlights. We chatted across the aisle, and she was very tiny, yet very, um, dudelike. ) Lol. "Snatch" is such an unappetizing word. Actually I'm not big on vaginas per se. I think I'd be pretty creeped out by the idea of going down on a girl. Everything else seems hot, but I'd probably skip the main course. Vaginas are just gross looking and (often) smelling. I'd be fine putting my hand in but nothing connected to my olfactory or taste receptors. It's funny I don't like most women either, as people in general. The girls I've crushed on are more guyish in their personalities combined with feminine looks. That's awesome that you met Debbie! Too bad she's aged terribly. How was she dude-like? I've heard negative things about her personality. I'm mostly taken with the attitude she projected on stage in the seventies -- a combination of hard and soft. That's what I find attractive about some women, the compelling contrast of vulnerable and tough. Somehow on a guy that combo just looks weak or femmy. There's a girl I'm crushing on right now who is super pretty and tomboyish and actually likeable...but there's a 70/30 chance she's straight.
serialgf Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 you're too much shadowplay! just go for it. stop overanalyzing and overdefining and just do what you want. it sounds like you want to explore a desire that i would say is pretty apparent from the sounds of it.... ...are there places where you live where you could meet a girl? you live in a liberal town don't you? is there some sort of bar where the lesbians in your town go? how would you feel about going there and checking it out? i know that especially when i had short hair, i got hit on by gay girls all the time... i find them to be pretty forward... at least in my town so do you think you'll go for it?
Author shadowplay Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 you're too much shadowplay! just go for it. stop overanalyzing and overdefining and just do what you want. it sounds like you want to explore a desire that i would say is pretty apparent from the sounds of it.... ...are there places where you live where you could meet a girl? you live in a liberal town don't you? is there some sort of bar where the lesbians in your town go? how would you feel about going there and checking it out? i know that especially when i had short hair, i got hit on by gay girls all the time... i find them to be pretty forward... at least in my town so do you think you'll go for it? Funny you should ask where I live because the next town over is a huge lesbian hub (Jilly knows ). The only problem is most lesbians (read: dykes) scare me. I like girls who are only moderately tomboyish and also attractive. I hate to say it but the stereotype about most lesbians being unattractive is woefully accurate. I've actually considered going to a gay bar, but it seems like it would be just full of creepy types like you find in the hetero equivalent. It doesn't help that I look very hetero. Plus I'm afraid if I told a girl it was my first time she'd dismiss me as a poser. Is there any other way to subtly give off bi vibes short of chopping off my hair or wearing a rainbow pin?
Nevermind Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Vaginas are just gross looking and (often) smelling. I hate to say it but the stereotype about most lesbians being unattractive is woefully accurate. I've actually considered going to a gay bar, but it seems like it would be just full of creepy types like you find in the hetero equivalent. It doesn't help that I look very hetero. Okay...maybe it's different in the states and Lesbians over there are creatures from the underworld who wear giant pins that indicate their sexual orientation and vaginas that smell like rotten tomatoes from a mile afar. (I kid, I kid.) Honestly, I see a lot of little informed stereotyping. Since you never had intercourse with a woman - how would you know what vaginas (often) smell like? Etc. This pains me to read, especially considering that you have interest in experiencing homosexual love, yet somehow see the need to put Lesbians down at the same time. Huge inner conflict, to me.
tanbark813 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Is there any other way to subtly give off bi vibes short of chopping off my hair or wearing a rainbow pin? Wear a shirt that says, "I taught your girlfriend that thing you like." Just have a couple drinks and go hunt down a chick to nail.
Jilly Bean Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Lol. "Snatch" is such an unappetizing word. Actually I'm not big on vaginas per se. I think I'd be pretty creeped out by the idea of going down on a girl. Everything else seems hot, but I'd probably skip the main course. Vaginas are just gross looking and (often) smelling. I'd be fine putting my hand in but nothing connected to my olfactory or taste receptors. It's funny I don't like most women either, as people in general. The girls I've crushed on are more guyish in their personalities combined with feminine looks. That's awesome that you met Debbie! Too bad she's aged terribly. How was she dude-like? I've heard negative things about her personality. I'm mostly taken with the attitude she projected on stage in the seventies -- a combination of hard and soft. That's what I find attractive about some women, the compelling contrast of vulnerable and tough. Somehow on a guy that combo just looks weak or femmy. There's a girl I'm crushing on right now who is super pretty and tomboyish and actually likeable...but there's a 70/30 chance she's straight. I take it back. You'd make a HORRIBLE lesbian. lol. Isn't loving the punanni required? She was just very mannish - very gruff and demanding with the FA. She scared me a bit. Know the type? Maybe you just need a femmy dude, Shadow.
Author shadowplay Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 I take it back. You'd make a HORRIBLE lesbian. lol. Isn't loving the punanni required? She was just very mannish - very gruff and demanding with the FA. She scared me a bit. Know the type? Maybe you just need a femmy dude, Shadow. Yes, I would make a terrible, terrible lesbian. No femmy dudes!
Author shadowplay Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Okay...maybe it's different in the states and Lesbians over there are creatures from the underworld who wear giant pins that indicate their sexual orientation and vaginas that smell like rotten tomatoes from a mile afar. (I kid, I kid.) Honestly, I see a lot of little informed stereotyping. Since you never had intercourse with a woman - how would you know what vaginas (often) smell like? Etc. This pains me to read, especially considering that you have interest in experiencing homosexual love, yet somehow see the need to put Lesbians down at the same time. Huge inner conflict, to me. But don't some stereotypes have a grain of salt? I've encountered enough lesbians to say with some authority that they are less attractive on average than straight girls. This isn't true of all lesbians, just on average. I think it's a combination of two factors. One, they take less care of their appearance because lesbian culture is all about shunning the standards society imposes on women. Two, I've always suspected that a faction of lesbians are naturally straight but switch teams because they have trouble attracting guys. Just because I may have some homosexual tendencies doesn't mean I have to embrace all of lesbian culture or change what I find attractive.
rod_in_gtown Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Maybe this is a stupid question but I've always been confused by my sexual orientation. I know I'm attracted to men, so I'm not gay, but I don't seem to be entirely straight either. I know some of you will say sexuality is fluid and you don't need to define yourself, but I feel like defining my orientation is an important part of my identity. Let me just start by saying I've never had a sexual experience with a girl because I'm shy. I've always wanted to. I have had crushes on girls since I was fourteen. The first time I had a crush in high school it really freaked me out but I stopped caring once I realized it wasn't so taboo to be bisexual. I'd say I have a crush on 1 girl for every 2 guys. I'm only attracted to a certain type of girl -- slightly tomboyish but also very pretty. Kind of like a young Debbie Harry (who was coincidentally bisexual) looks and personality wise but less bitchy. Usually small frame but that's not so important as long as she's slender. I don't like girly girls. About 3/4 of my sexual dreams are about women/girls. I would def like to have a relationship with a girl at some point, not just a sexual thing. But I couldn't see myself marrying a woman. I think I'd feel unsatisfied. But the idea of being close to a girl, both emotionally and physically, really turns me on. Just cuddling with her, kissing her and looking into her eyes. I'm drawn to the idea of possessing a girl and feeling her vulnerable in my arms. Sometimes I also feel that I'm wired like a guy. The idea of being bisexual or even talking about this always makes me feel incredibly creepy and uncomfortable like I'm some lecherous dude, which is part of the reason I'm so hesitant to ever pursue a girl. I think it's because my attraction to women feels somehow sexist in its domination component. What do you think? No, the question is anything but stupid, I believe that human sexuality is very complex and for some people experimentation is key. For other people the line between fantasy and reality while often times blurred should remain separate. I have never experimented in any sort of bi-sexual nor homosexual settings, but I've fantasized about it. Mostly when I'm very horny, I've seen many many variants of pornography, and actually have found some (very few) unappetizing. But I'm not sorry I saw them, because I now know what I like and what I don't like. I'm anything but done searching, and while one of the best realizations that I've ever come to is that I LOVE everything about women, and because of this, I feel that I would be open to trying something new. I would have to be in the company of someone I really trust, perhaps an open minded gf, maybe I'll like it, and maybe I won't, but at least I could say that I've tried.
Nevermind Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 But don't some stereotypes have a grain of salt? I've encountered enough lesbians to say with some authority that they are less attractive on average than straight girls. This isn't true of all lesbians, just on average. I think it's a combination of two factors. One, they take less care of their appearance because lesbian culture is all about shunning the standards society imposes on women. Two, I've always suspected that a faction of lesbians are naturally straight but switch teams because they have trouble attracting guys. Do you know how many lesbians you encountered? In your day-to-day life? Is everybody wearing a pin? Or is it possible that there are many beautiful women that are lesbians and you simply don't know them? Again, it might be a cultural difference or simply different demographics in different locations but I hardly know anybody's sexuality (because who cares) unless it is clarified and I have met both gorgeous and mediocre looking lesbians. However, that was only half my point. You are certainly not loving the entire lesbian culture (and you don't have to) but for a thread in which somebody asks whether they might be bicurious you wrote a lot of negative remarks on the subject overall. However, this is horribly off-topic I guess...so sorry mods.
SushiX Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Vaginas are just gross looking and (often) smelling. LOL. I don't find vaginas gross looking at all. Of course there's a smell to it just as the penis smells. It's more of a scent than smell. Hopefully it's sweet, not sour. lol
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