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i know,this is a shallow post


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Posted

heyy, so honestly ive never been much of a looks looks oriented person as i always get attracted by the personality aspects of a person but at the same time there is a certain type i suppose i go for..and

WELL

the thing is recently i met this AMAZING AMAZING guy, so incredibly charming, so sweet, so intelligent, great job, HILARIOUS like u wouldnt believe it...i can stay on the phone for HOURS with him and have the best time..only problem..and i HATEEEEEEEEEEE to say it but i guess in order to get honest answers you must be truth

he's kinda fat): like he has a belly...and it shows...and im SO shallow i KNOWWW!! initially i was like there is NO way im gonna go for him cos just he wasnt my type at all, but then slowly slowly i just keep thinking about him..we spent quite a bit of time together over the weekend..and im just slowly becoming more endeared to him..like when im not with him, i miss him and look forward to the next time ill see him...he has the most amazing laugh and honestly his calls make my entire day...he's so smart and i respect that so much and admire him and yeah phsically too i am starting to get quiet attracted

i guess the issue here is im kind of like gosh i like him?!?! i know its a horrible thing to say but he's REALLY REALLY not the type i go for at all, and im kinda worried about what ppl=say/think etc. i know its stupid, but it does kinda make me think...not so much anymore but a few weeks back

like im rapidly falling for him, and i never thought i would but i guess i'm just held back by this factor

yeah ive dated other guys but none, NONE, have captivated me quite as he has..it's not just physcial, he';s someone i could really trust, really share alot with..and its funny cause a really really handsome man just asked me out a week or so ago for tomorrow but i find myself NOT wanting to go at all because i dont want to explore another option...weeks ago i would have jumped on this

HELP

and please dont be afriad to be bluntly honest...why am i being so hesistant?!!?:o

Posted

You say you've become attracted to him. I fail to see the issue here. If the only problem is that you feel silly for liking him...or are surprised, all that means is this is something new for you. If you don't want to date that handsome dude that should be a fairly good sign you're not just taking advantage of this guy. Go for it :)

 

On the other hand, if you don't believe in your heart that you're attracted, but only in your mind, then it COULD become a problem in the future. But from what you wrote you seem to have genuine attraction.

  • Author
Posted

honestly its true, im just really surprised!! how do i get over this?!

all ive thought of all day is him but yet i cant seem to give into what i know i can feel,atually what i already feel!!arghhh...denial..has this ever happened 2 any1 else??

Posted

Attraction is some weird stuff...

Posted
has this ever happened 2 any1 else??

 

Sort of. When I first met the last guy I dated, there was something quirky about this little indentation he had above his lip or something that just made me want to smack it. It was only our first date & I was very attracted to his face physically but it bugged me for some reason. Not in the sense where I wasn't physically attracted to him, but he got under my skin in other ways so there you have it!

Posted
heyy, so honestly ive never been much of a looks looks oriented person as i always get attracted by the personality aspects of a person but at the same time there is a certain type i suppose i go for..and

WELL

the thing is recently i met this AMAZING AMAZING guy, so incredibly charming, so sweet, so intelligent, great job, HILARIOUS like u wouldnt believe it...i can stay on the phone for HOURS with him and have the best time..only problem..and i HATEEEEEEEEEEE to say it but i guess in order to get honest answers you must be truth

he's kinda fat): like he has a belly...and it shows...and im SO shallow i KNOWWW!! initially i was like there is NO way im gonna go for him cos just he wasnt my type at all, but then slowly slowly i just keep thinking about him..we spent quite a bit of time together over the weekend..and im just slowly becoming more endeared to him..like when im not with him, i miss him and look forward to the next time ill see him...he has the most amazing laugh and honestly his calls make my entire day...he's so smart and i respect that so much and admire him and yeah phsically too i am starting to get quiet attracted

i guess the issue here is im kind of like gosh i like him?!?! i know its a horrible thing to say but he's REALLY REALLY not the type i go for at all, and im kinda worried about what ppl=say/think etc. i know its stupid, but it does kinda make me think...not so much anymore but a few weeks back

like im rapidly falling for him, and i never thought i would but i guess i'm just held back by this factor

yeah ive dated other guys but none, NONE, have captivated me quite as he has..it's not just physcial, he';s someone i could really trust, really share alot with..and its funny cause a really really handsome man just asked me out a week or so ago for tomorrow but i find myself NOT wanting to go at all because i dont want to explore another option...weeks ago i would have jumped on this

HELP

and please dont be afriad to be bluntly honest...why am i being so hesistant?!!?:o

 

Look at it this way. Being fat is probably one of the easiest "issues" to resolve (assuming that his size isn't some medical disease or caused by genetics). You guys could go to the gym together, or he himself will take the initiative to work out once he realizes that someone actually does like him (that someone would be you, of course). Give it several months later and BAM he'll be the handsome guy that you've always dreamed of, plus with the other benefits of being an "AMAZING guy, so incredibly charming, so sweet, so intelligent, [with a] great job, [and] HILARIOUS like u wouldnt believe it..." :)

  • Author
Posted

you guys, thank you so much for your input! you have NO idea how much they helped!you;re right, its just the element of being completely caught of guard...:D

thanks again soososososo much!!!!:laugh:

Posted

You're right. this is a shallow post.

 

Before you do any damage to him, break it off and find someone good looking and not fat. That way you will be happy.

Posted
heyy, so honestly ive never been much of a looks looks oriented person as i always get attracted by the personality aspects of a person but at the same time there is a certain type i suppose i go for..and

WELL

the thing is recently i met this AMAZING AMAZING guy, so incredibly charming, so sweet, so intelligent, great job, HILARIOUS like u wouldnt believe it...i can stay on the phone for HOURS with him and have the best time..only problem..and i HATEEEEEEEEEEE to say it but i guess in order to get honest answers you must be truth

he's kinda fat): like he has a belly...and it shows...and im SO shallow i KNOWWW!! initially i was like there is NO way im gonna go for him cos just he wasnt my type at all, but then slowly slowly i just keep thinking about him..we spent quite a bit of time together over the weekend..and im just slowly becoming more endeared to him..like when im not with him, i miss him and look forward to the next time ill see him...he has the most amazing laugh and honestly his calls make my entire day...he's so smart and i respect that so much and admire him and yeah phsically too i am starting to get quiet attracted

i guess the issue here is im kind of like gosh i like him?!?! i know its a horrible thing to say but he's REALLY REALLY not the type i go for at all, and im kinda worried about what ppl=say/think etc. i know its stupid, but it does kinda make me think...not so much anymore but a few weeks back

like im rapidly falling for him, and i never thought i would but i guess i'm just held back by this factor

yeah ive dated other guys but none, NONE, have captivated me quite as he has..it's not just physcial, he';s someone i could really trust, really share alot with..and its funny cause a really really handsome man just asked me out a week or so ago for tomorrow but i find myself NOT wanting to go at all because i dont want to explore another option...weeks ago i would have jumped on this

HELP

and please dont be afriad to be bluntly honest...why am i being so hesistant?!!?:o

 

It's not shallow and you're not wrong to feel the way you do. I would never date a fat guy, I would never date an ugly guy, I would never date an unemployed guy, I would never date someone who didn't go to college- ya, I have a lot of hang-ups...none of it is wrong, it's my preference. That's probably the reason I am still single, but ya know what? Being picky isn't a bad thing. I refuse to settle for someone who isn't the best. I am far too old for games.

Posted
Look at it this way. Being fat is probably one of the easiest "issues" to resolve (assuming that his size isn't some medical disease or caused by genetics). You guys could go to the gym together, or he himself will take the initiative to work out once he realizes that someone actually does like him (that someone would be you, of course). Give it several months later and BAM he'll be the handsome guy that you've always dreamed of, plus with the other benefits of being an "AMAZING guy, so incredibly charming, so sweet, so intelligent, [with a] great job, [and] HILARIOUS like u wouldnt believe it..." :)

 

Ummm losing weight is incredibly hard....easy my @ss. Not impossible but certainly not as easy as you are making it out to be. And maybe had the man taken care of himself better in the past, he wouldn't be fat in the present. I used to be fat and I took care of it. It is unacceptable for me- I wil not date someone who is fat- I don't care how nice they are.

Posted
Before you do any damage to him, break it off and find someone good looking and not fat. That way you will be happy.

 

Gosh, I hate to agree with this. Truth is once your excitement is over, the looks issue will become a much bigger problem.

Posted
gosh, i hate to agree with this. Truth is once your excitement is over, the looks issue will become a much bigger problem.

 

word!!!!!!!!!

Posted

The real problem here seems to be NOT your repulsion of his pooch, but you caring more what other people would think.

 

Now, if you said no way, no how, no fat dudes, then that's one thing, but to dismiss someone you really enjoy and click with because of what others will think is pure silliness.

Posted

you're hesitant because you've got a fixed mindset about the "type" of guy you want to be with. Instead of leaving it "hunky/hot/looker," why not expand your desired traits? Because I can guarantee, your heart will pick out the guy you're better off with much more easily than your brain will!

Posted

Who cares if he is overweight? Looks keep me interested for about 20 minutes and then it's on to personality. If you click so well with this guy, why should it be an issue?

 

This happened to me at work before. I ended up having a huge crush on this guy who weighs about 300 lbs. He was such a great person and so fun to be with, I just couldn't help it. Too bad he was married! Ha ha.

Posted
It's not shallow and you're not wrong to feel the way you do. I would never date a fat guy, I would never date an ugly guy, .

 

And if a guy said he wouldn't date a girl that was overweight, we'd be shallow, superficial SOB's.

Posted

The "double standard" about guys being shallow and girls not actually goes a bit deeper than you might think. I feel like there are a LOT more cute girls than cute guys in the world (from a purely objective standpoint). Therefore, when a girl is picky it usually means she just wants a guy to be like a 7/10, whereas when a guy is picky it's usually he wants a 10/10... but the thing is 7/10+ guys are a lot less common than 7/10+ girls, so women have more to whine about.

 

Also, I would argue against the idea that being attracted to someone not conventionally attractive makes you more "mature" than anyone else. You can't force attraction, therefore it's neither a virtue nor a disgrace to be attracted to someone.

 

The thing is, attraction is THE great equalizer. When you feel it for someone, they are the hottest person on earth. I once had a crush on a guy, and I was really surprised when other people said he wasn't particularly attractive.

Posted
Ummm losing weight is incredibly hard....easy my @ss. Not impossible but certainly not as easy as you are making it out to be. And maybe had the man taken care of himself better in the past, he wouldn't be fat in the present. I used to be fat and I took care of it. It is unacceptable for me- I wil not date someone who is fat- I don't care how nice they are.

 

Trust me, it's all in the mind. I was fat too but I guess I was fortunate enough to have the right attitude with lots of motivation and followed a flexible regimen. In the end, all my efforts paid off. So, was losing weight hard for me? Nah, not really.

  • Author
Posted

it's really the shock! my whole life i thought i had a 'certain type' this type necessarily didn't have to be '10/10' or even a 7...just a certain look...and well fat was never part of it..i KNOWWW SO HORRIBLE TO SAY!!

but i definatley agree with the whole love is irrational and that u can't say who u will feel attracted to

my first boyfriend was EXTREMELY EXTREMELY good looking but gosh the mental click was rather lack lustre and as the time went by i couldnt even ACKNOWLEDGE his looks..they were just there? attraction and everything died down!

i think the real issue here is i fear what ppl will say:( its awful, but im being honest. when i think about him/talk to him/see him i couldnt be happier, he makes me feel so relaxed, balanced and myself...furthermore as each day goes by i feel more and more attracted to him!! because this attraction is born out qualities that are not superficial...

buttt at same time im kinda fearing what ppl will think?!!??!

Posted

i disagree, if you feel like this about him the looks factor actually goes away and you find yourself not thinking about the way he looks honestly I had the same issue with an ex when i first met him we were in class together and i thought to myself "ew that kid looks so gross he's probably never had a g/f before" meanwhile he was engaged at the time. Months later his fiance and him broke it off and him and i became really good friends and he was absolutely amazing with the most fantastic personality and we dated for an entire year and it was the most amazing relationship I've had thus far and we're still best friends now.

 

Once a guy gets into you they want to be top notch for you so he may even start working out, if you work out you should suggest you do it together and give him a subtle hint, more than likely he'll be really into it because you make him feel good and he'll feel good being more active.

Posted

agree. you should date him. looks really don't matter. even if you ended up with some really hot guy... that could go way down hill really fast. people get in car accidents, get fat, go bald, go gray. whatever. who knows, this guy might be one of those guys that hits his peak at 50. so, do it!

Posted

So you're hesistant because he's kinda fat and has a belly? This is an easy fix. He can lose weight. Certain physical features like this can be changed. Personality cannot.

Posted
The "double standard" about guys being shallow and girls not actually goes a bit deeper than you might think. I feel like there are a LOT more cute girls than cute guys in the world (from a purely objective standpoint). Therefore, when a girl is picky it usually means she just wants a guy to be like a 7/10, whereas when a guy is picky it's usually he wants a 10/10... but the thing is 7/10+ guys are a lot less common than 7/10+ girls, so women have more to whine about.

 

I can't remember where I read it, but it asks, what is the first thing a man notices in a woman. And before I looked at the answer, I answered it myself. I answered, "eyes".

 

But most people, thinking that men are pigs, would say boobs or ass.

 

Then I read the answer and it was.........................eyes.

 

I say eyes because its true. A woman can be overweight, but if I like her eyes and smile, that sends me!!

 

Now I am not attracted to obese, but if someone is a little, as one might put it, "pudgy", I'm not put off by that if there are other things about her that attract me. I work out and like to stay fit, but most of the women I am attracted to do have a little extra weight.

Posted
So you're hesistant because he's kinda fat and has a belly? This is an easy fix. He can lose weight. Certain physical features like this can be changed. Personality cannot.

 

that and lets not forget what age and kids can do if you don't work out 5 days a week. She might not be looking so hot in the next 10 years herself.

Posted
agree. you should date him. looks really don't matter.

 

NO, she shouldn't. The superficiality will be too strong for her to resist and she'll end up doing him dirty.

 

Best to just leave him alone.

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