sid3 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I remember what a I hard time I had with n/c when I broke up with my gf. I didn't call, text or email even though i missed her I didn't want her back. I wanted to move on, because it didn't require a genuis to see that I deserve better. So pretty much the moment I start putting all the crap behavior, games and all behind me, of course she contacts me with the "i'm sorry, I miss you. To get me hooked, she added that she wanted to work on things" Sadly the only thing she really wanted to work on was mindshagging me a little more. Her sorry, miss you were just words, used to see if I cared about her, which would then boost her ego. Let's not forget about the control issue that is so often struggled over in unhealthy relationships. Surely she felt she had retaken the power/ control when I decided that seeing as there had been no cheating invovled, I would give her a second chance. I was naive in thinking she wasn't really the most selfish, emotionally unavailble person I ever had the misfortune in geting emotionally invested in.Notice how I didn't say with. Hoping an ex will change for the better is probably one of the biggest mistakes we make when giving a second chance. There are alot of kind hearted people on these forums, hurting from a breakup that in many ways had little to do with them. We fail to see the signs as we are too occupied seeing and believing what we want to. We settle for crap behavior, disrespect and make excuses for the ones we care for. It hurts when things end not so much for what we are losing, but more because of what we fantasize things could be. Often the mind games have left us feeling disappointed with ourselves, when in fact the only person we should be disappointed in is the one who played the games. I regret having given a second chance, not because it hurts more the second time around but because it proved my ex really lacks in good character, honesty, emotional maturity and pretty much every other trait one would like to find in a gf/bf. At first I was angry, then sad, then wondering, angry again, and so on. Having to walk away a second time wasn't fun, but it at least showed me that I am capable of getting toxic people out of my life. I have reached indifference as far as this ex is concerned by forgiving myself for not heeding the warning signs and temporarily settling for someone who didn't treat me as well as I treated her. While I feel sorry for her because of the many emotional issues she has, it is not my job to try and fix them. Although she still seeks the occasional attention, I refuse to give her any as I reserve that for people that treat me with the same respect I show them. I'm not going to feed her ego and maintain her self esteem at the expense of mine. I hope she finds happiness, has a long and healthy life, and I hope that she understands why I will never want to be a part of it:lmao:. I don't want or need to be friends, we weren't before, I see no reason why I should be now. Even though she treated me like a toy most of the time, and the games she played caused a lot of hurt, I absolutely wish her the best. I really hope she realises that the hot/cot, push/pull and other silly games played on me will not serve her well throughout life. If I could offer her one peice of advice it would be to work on her self esteem and her self worth. They really are the foundation that happiness is built upon. Sure I still think about her once in awhile, And what I think is that I will do better, she doesn't deserve me and that life is far too short to ever allow someone to treat you as an option when you treat them as a priority. N/C is the only way to truly move on. If your lucky, your ex will leave you alone so you won't have to go through the hurt twice, I'm sure most will agree, once was more than enough.
CherishG Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 That was truly an inspirational story sid3. Thanks so much for sharing it!
wmast Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks for this post! My ex said she wanted me back and was just really stringing me along wasting my time. Oh well her loss. I'm in that wondering stage. Wondering if I should help her through her emotional mess right now. But I'll just leave it alone. Not my job anymore. I'd be happy to help her if she gave a crap about me but she's so selfish so I'll be selfish too. It really does hurt alot the 2nd time around but I'm sure my pain will start to fade the way it did the 1st time. She made me suffer twice! While I forgive her, she'll never hear my voice again. NC all the way!
Angel1111 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Excellent post. I know this back and forth game and it truly gets old. And, yeah, you wake up one day and know that you deserve better. My family and friends all said that he didn't deserve me. But the great news is that I can spot people like him from a mile away now so I don't worry that another person like this will be in my life. I'm not a total advocate of NC, as I think it's overused and misunderstood, but in cases where you break up and you've had enough of that person in every way, NC is the only option. Once I left my ex, I never looked back and didn't regret it for a second. He tried to contact me a few times but I never responded and never had the desire to. When you're done, you're done, and NC is just a natural progression from there.
selena_cat Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Hi Sid3 Thanks for sharing your story, its a journey to learn from your mistakes and what little we all put up with because we still want the unhealthy person in our lives,the same person who is truly dishonest,lack respect and maturity I stil think about what i had to put up with and it does make me angry and the fact that i did not have any closure One thing is people like that will go thru their lives thinking that the only way to get what they want is through stepping on others They will indeed go in circles so the best thing to do is get out of the hurrican path and let them go on their way and damage someone else's heart and feelings You are right she did not deserve you,reserve your attention and goodness to someone who truly values and deserves you who knows maybe she might be down on the bayou:laugh:
Trialbyfire Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 Way to go sid! It's great to see people who have moved past their pain and are ready to get on with life.
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