ohwhyme Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Ok so basically i got dumped for somebody else. She left him because she only sees him as a friend. I still love her and wished she never talked to me again but she started talking to me again when i was doing well. she said she loves me and that i made her happy. shes giving me mixed signals and she even knows that she is doing it. so i told her to make up her mind and tell me what she wants and she told me to not ignore her. I haven't talked to her for a week etc. I just dont even bother looking at her facebook, or chat anymore and I never initiate conversation. Are they always this confusing? Do they just want attention or something? Or is she just not ready for a relationship? I'm feeling mixed about this still that I should just move on but on the other hand i know im gonna start wondering what could have happened?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Move on for now. She left you for another man, got bored and is now wanting you back? Sounds like shes kinda flaky, and worse than that, completely incapable of being alone, to the point that she does not care if she hurts others, so long as she has someone. After shes been single for a while, maybe a few months, call her up and see what develops, if anything at all. While shes being single - you should take time to enjoy your life to the fullest, get over her is you can, so that when you see her again, you can sit down with her in a clear state of mind - a neutral one. If she finds a new guy to cling to while you're doing this, and you start to wonder what could have been? Here is your answer: She couldn't have loved you that much if she moved on so easily, and a woman that hops from one relationship to another, in my opinion, shows she is not strong enough to be on her own - meaning her support network is weak, and so is she. Not really dating material imho.
Cluelessfornow Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Yeah, I would definitely move on. She obviously isn't thinking correctly about the situation. But she still wants you to be around when she DOES make a decision... Maybe. I don't know if they all play games, but it sounds like this one is. I definitely would try not to think about what could've happened. You already got burned once, and THAT could happen again. That same thing has happened to me. I let someone leave, come back, leave, come back... THREE times before I'd had enough. And each time she left me for someone else.
Author ohwhyme Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 I was moving on just fine until she wrote to me. I deleted her from facebook, blocked her on im but she still checked up on me with her sisters account. Cluelessfornow: that sounds pretty messed up... Sorry you had to go through that. I'm not going to get my hopes up then, but the dreams really make it worse. Normally she could deal with being single just fine and was the nicest girl I had ever met. Then it all turned to crap this summer.
CherishG Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 idk but it seems ex's play mind games to get a ego boost. one minute they want you out of their life... they find someone else to "fall in love" with and treat you like damaged goods. Once they find out that someone else they picked aint so great, or realize you are starting to slowly move on... KABOOM, they wanna come back into your life like nothing happened. makes me sick... makes my heart just shatter into a million pieces all over again...
EmperorR Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 idk but it seems ex's play mind games to get a ego boost. one minute they want you out of their life... they find someone else to "fall in love" with and treat you like damaged goods. Once they find out that someone else they picked aint so great, or realize you are starting to slowly move on... KABOOM, they wanna come back into your life like nothing happened. makes me sick... makes my heart just shatter into a million pieces all over again... yup reminds me of my ex, how every guy in her life treated her bad then she met me i treated her the best yet she dumped me, and suddenly thinks she can find a good guy better than me , i know as soon as i move on and forget about her my phone will ring. It's like when you apply for jobs no reply at all then you get one job and your phone starts rining.
Author ohwhyme Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 so i log on facebook and i see pictures of her at parties and stuff, kind of depressing... i find it that when something exciting happens, they just jump ship and don't think about the relationship because it got boring. I saw her exs and they didnt look all that and kind of knew she would start talking to me again. She didn't want me out of her life but as a friend and I said no. And here we are talking again...
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 so i log on facebook and i see pictures of her at parties and stuff, kind of depressing... i find it that when something exciting happens, they just jump ship and don't think about the relationship because it got boring. I saw her exs and they didnt look all that and kind of knew she would start talking to me again. She didn't want me out of her life but as a friend and I said no. And here we are talking again... Its not fair that she called you... because like you're saying here you are again. ;p She set you back! Don't let her! Go NC! De-friend her off facebook if you have to, if her pictures are depressing you, then get away from them. And also, theres a funny thing about pictures - the only capture whats in that moment, in that exact spot, in that frame! A picture is a pretty lie, in many ways. It also can capture an exact image of reality. Pretty paradoxical. A picture is one moment of a reality, but to think anything beyond that moment is no longer reality, its imagined. My point? Maybe shes moved on easily. Maybe shes having a ton of fun. In that picture she was having fun. BUT, right now? Maybe she isnt. I don't know why I'm even explaining this actually... will it comfort you at all? I have no idea! I guess I'm just trying to say - it's probably not easy for her to move on, but the happy pictures are making you think it is. I'm so annoyed at her for leaving you for someone else then calling you up again and giving mixed signals. Honestly, shes not worth a minute of your time, that is completely messed up. How long have you two been broken up? Is she still with that other man?
carhill Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1723800&postcount=37
Author ohwhyme Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 Apart for 4-5 months, shes had at least 2 boyfriends since. One of them was for a really short period when she realized he was really stupid and immature. And no shes not with anyone right now. Before she used to never party and now she does, it was weird it was like a different person. Honestly I don't think anything will comfort me but thanks though , only working out makes the pain go away. And to that link, I was doing fine until she wrote to me and says she dreams about me, texted to me drunk, thinks about me when listening to music and that she still loves me and was most happy with me. I tried to ignore her when she tried to talk to me but she told me all that. It was pretty bad last summer, can't listen to love songs no more just reminds me of what happened etc. So i gave her an ultimatum, at first she said she needed time. she doesnt want me to cut her off because she says im like a drug, we talk a lot or used to.
samspade Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 She sounds a little manipulative. Have YOU been dating or meeting women? If she loves you so much, she'll come back to you. Meanwhile, stop pining and go out and have some fun. Regarding your first post...it's simple. She left you but wants to soothe her conscience and know that you don't hate her. When you ignore her, she has no idea what's going in with you and whether you think of her at all. But knowing that she still has you on her little hook is satisfying to her. Even if she says she still loves you and misses you...those words are meaningless unless she drives over to your place, knocks on your door and begs you to take her back. Think about this. When you dump someone, it's very easy to continue telling her you love her and care about her, because she's the one who's hurt and down, and you've already moved on mentally and don't truly want to be with her. Your status is above hers. But if you've been dumped, and you say those things, you're needy, clingy, unable to move on, etc., etc. You're of a lower status, emotionally. Therefore, silence is a much better option. Are they all like this? Mostly. Don't blame women, though. They do what they do just like we men do. Human behavior is predictable once you understand it. I myself am still learning. The key is for you as a man to improve yourself, so that you can minimize a female's propensity to play games. You're not gonna change the world, so you might as well change yourself and your behaviors. PS: Ultimatums rarely work. I think you'll feel better if you stop communicating with this girl and keep up with working out, staying busy, etc.
muse08 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 tokyovogue- that was an excellent comment. very wise advice. although, i do wonder if OHWHYME ever had dealings with other women during the "good" times...? if so, things like this happen when you least expect it...karma...if this isn't the case then you definitely need to try your best to let go of the idea of working things out, unless you enjoy this game... no one deserves this, so if you don't want the cycle to continue, you have to ignore her as she suggested. when someone says something like that "just ignore me", you have to think...and perhaps give them what they want.was she being sarcastic or what...
Author ohwhyme Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 no I never cheated on her or anything. I don't wan to know if she did heh. I don't enjoy this game but I still think about her a lot espcially when she started talking to me again. We haven't talked in 2 weeks and don't really go online anymore. I'm not sure if she was sarcastic, I asked her if she was playing me and she said everything that she told me in her emails were true. I dated a girl and after a few weeks she started talking to me, she wouldn't stop writing to me unless i wrote to her again. she made a new screenname to talk to me cause she knew i blocked her. I broke up with her cause im not ready for a relationship before it got too far. She said she was jealous etc and that she screwed everything up. I dont know what she wants and she doesnt know what she wants. But I intend to just stay away, I haven't deleted her from fb though. I tried to talk to her normally when she wrote to me. She'd always slide in something about us like am i ever gonna see you again? My roommates friend is coming over it kinda reminds me of you and me etc... So yea thats kind of annoying. She said if i was closer we'd probably end up together again or something.
samspade Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 she wouldn't stop writing to me unless i wrote to her again. she made a new screenname to talk to me cause she knew i blocked her. Quit making excuses. Nobody held a gun to your head. You need discipline. Filter her emails to junk mail and ignore her IMs. she said everything that she told me in her emails were true. Her words are MEANINGLESS unless backed up by action.
Author ohwhyme Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Alrighty, guess its back to NC and back to my life again. Haven't been on the internet much anymore which is a good thing I suppose. I think your right about her words don't mean crap unless she does something to prove it. Thanks. Anyone ever feel regret when they completely blocked someone off?
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