Cluelessfornow Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Ok... This is my first post ever. I just kinda wanna see what everyone else thinks on this. Kinda looking for advice, but probably moreso looking for affirmation. I'm really glad I have a place where I can lay it ALL out on the line. I dated this girl for 6 or so months, in which time I found out she was lying to me. Never really about anything important... just little things here and there. She would exaggerate how much she made at work. She would tell me she used to date a person and later I would find out that it never happened. She would tell me something unimportant about a family member that never happened. You get the idea. Other than that, she was GREAT. Well, I broke it off with her because of the lying, and she went NUTS. She proceeded to profess how I will never find another like her, and how sorry she was for the relationship even happening... Basically just doing her WORST to make me feel terrible about the whole deal. NEVER admitting to the lies. Then, it proceeded to a lie about something HUGE. She claimed she was pregnant and hadn't told me because she wanted to wait until a specific date, during a specific event, to make it special. But then she said that the night I broke up with her she had a miscarriage. TERRIBLE, I know. She even sent me doctors papers from when she was in the hospital, but even they were inconclusive of her being pregnant, even looking somewhat staged. Eventually she started texting things to me that were supposed to go to other guys she was with on given nights. I know they weren't "accidentally" sent to me. So she was trying to make me jealous. HERE'S my dilemma(sp)... We didn't talk for about 3 to 4 months, and then I contacted her. Something reminded me of her and I wanted to see if she was ok. She, suprisingly enough, was VERY happy to hear from me, and we started talking again. Well, it lead to a very convincing story of how she still loves me and has changed. She wanted to start over, and I didn't. So she kept working on me, and eventually I believed her and we started working on our issues. We didn't get back together, but she would act like we were. When I tried to stop her, she'd say she was fine with casually dating each other. I'm talking intimacy and everything. So I went along with it. She seems pretty heartfelt, and it would seem she's changed. But there are things she tells me now that seem very far-fetched, but there's no real way of proving her wrong. I would like to get back together with her, but my friends and family give me SO much CRAP about doing that, and I honestly feel I'm making a mistake. What's a guy to do? ANY advice would be helpful. I feel like I'm going crazy...
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Honestly, if you feel like you're making a mistake, why are you doing it? Furthermore, if you cannot trust her, then your relationship with her will never be solid. Find yourself a new girl who doesn't lie. Maybe a few years down the road, you and her can give it a sincere shot, when shes had time to seriously access her actions in the past, but right now, it sounds like shes still a bit unstable. Just my two cents ;p
Author Cluelessfornow Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 I have a hard time thinking with my head and not my heart. No matter what the situation, the pain nearly kills me. I guess I'm just hoping things have actually changed with her.
CherishG Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I agree with Tokyo, TRUST is the biggest most important thing in any relationship. Sometimes we get so lost in our own emotions, we get "blinded" by love and don't see the whole picture in front of us. Even the most god awful people have people blindly in love with them. At least you acknowledge that she does have a serious problem, and I can only hope and pray for you that you make a wise decision, not only for yourself, but for her. If you feel that you need to continue to give this girl a chance, she won't change. She will think that she has you in the palm of her hand... If you walk away knowing that you deserve better than this, it will jolt her into changing her ways, or even fessing up to all her lies. then maybe somewhere down the line, IF she's changed, you two might work out. whatever happens, I wish you luck!
ohwhyme Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 i know what ur feeling man. things always remind me of my ex and ill be thinking of her. its so hard to decide even though they hurt us. Even if you do decide your gonna keep wondering if you made the right choice. But in this situation, it sounds like shes pretty unstable especially if she lies all the time and that she tried to make you jealous too, all sounds like part of the game. But only you know her well enough, do you love her?
Author Cluelessfornow Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 I do love her. A little too much I think... I honestly think I should walk away, but I'm really having a hard time. I kinda feel sorry for her, and I can tell she's really trying.
Author Cluelessfornow Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 Yeah, I agree with you tokyo. I think I'm just trying hard to believe her because I hope she changes. Because I do love her and want the best for her.
BCCA Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Here's my honest opinion: You need to sit down and talk with her, explain that you feel like she's been lying about things that really don't seem worth lying about (sans the pregnancy bit, obviously), and you don't appreciate it or need it. If she gets defensive, try to avoid having to substantiate your feelings with proof, because as you said, she lies about things that are hard to disprove. Actions need to speak louder than words. You have to be calm, but firm. If she keeps telling you how she was on the moon earlier, etc, you need to call her out on the spot, and don't let her wiggle out of it. If you feel like you should walk away, thats a pretty good sign you should walk away. While there is nothing wrong with making sure, usually your first reaction is the right one. Dont let feeling sorry for her continue to make you unhappy. Guilt trips are a form of manipulation. Do you really want to be manipulated into having this girl in your life, when you'll be unhappy the whole time? No way. You have to do whats best for YOU, no one else.
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