Beee Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Hey in need of some cool-headed advice. We broke up over 2 months ago now (as most of you will know). We have kept in touch as we work together and there's no real choice. We speak at work and over email but have never seen each other out of work since the break up. This hasn't been easy and still isn't. I have locked my feelings for him away in a drawer and every now and then they try and push their way out again. Things are a little easier and mornings more bearable, but its still an up-hill road. My dad was treated for prostate cancer about 5 years ago and in late spring this year (while my ex was away) I found out his cancer is back. My ex was very supportive and really did lend me a shoulder to cry on. When he left me he said he would be there for me if I needed a shoulder to cry on (about my dad) and has asked for news of him since. He is on leave from work this week and when I told him I would find out what treatment my dad is due to have he said please let me know. Now this is my dilemma, do I txt him tonight and tell him what I have found out or do I just wait till he comes back to work next week?
Angel1111 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Just wait. I know it's hard but don't be too anxious to turn to him for support. If he really wants to know bad enough, he'll text you.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I agree, wait. If you tell him and he isn't there for you, you're going to be hurt. You have enough to deal with.. Rely on other friends and family for support.
Author Beee Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Problem is I'm pretty sure he would reply, maybe ont immediately, but he would reply.... When he was having a lump checked out he did txt me with the results as I'm only assuming he guessed I would want to know... and I've been going along the same thought process The only stupid reason for not txt'ing him is that I keep hoping he will send me a msg asking after me and/or my dad... but I knwo him and he won't.... stupid i know
kizik Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 One of the really sad things about breakups is that the person who was once so important in your life, is no longer deserving of any info about you or your family, no matter WHAT happens. This is my stance, anyway. If my mom were to die tomorrow, I would not call my ex, simply b/c I do not need her for any kind of support and would not give her the ego boost of knowing I relied on her. Perhaps my example is extreme, but what I am saying is that your ex f*cked up, is gone, and therefore no longer exists as a friend or "shoulder to cry on," as you say.
CherishG Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 My uncle who I considered like a father to me just passed away about a week ago... I NEVER told my ex. I was sooo tempted to call him (my ex), to reach out to him because I have NO ONE here where I live to talk to. The day I found out that he had died, my mom called from overseas to tell me. My first instinct was to run to him, to tell him, to feel his embrace comforting me. But I didn't. I kept my grief inside, because I didn't want him to think I was using that to talk to him. So the only thing I could do in that hour of desperation was go to his work. He works outdoors, in a public shopping type area, so I went there, sat on a bench and I just watched him from far away, just crying my head off. I never went up to him, he never even knew I was there. I know it sounds kinda stalkerish, but it was my only outlet to feel him closeby to take away the pain of losing my uncle. You can't even imagine how hard it was for me NOT to go up to him. He was my best friend, my lover and the father of my child. And knowing I couldn't find the consolation from him that night, it burned a bigger hole into my heart. To the original OP, sorry to hear about ur dad... I hope everything turns out okay, my prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
jenmom22 Posted October 17, 2008 Posted October 17, 2008 I'm kinda in the same boat. My ex lost him mom in june and I was there for him, in every way. He ended our 7 year relationship and quickly started a new relationship with his sisters best friend. Now, my grandfather (who I am closer to than my dad) is dying and I want so badly to call my ex. All I want is the comfort of laying in his arms and getting that safe, loving feeling again. I know I can't and it kills me. I've been NC for almost 2 1/2 mos. It's so painful and really feels so unfair and skewed that he can't be there for me. We also used to work together. I don't know how I could deal working with him while no longer in a relationship with him. Hang in there. I wouldn't tell him anything. I agree with the other posters. Best case is he's there for you but I'm sure it won't be the same as if you guys were "together." He'll be there for you while you're going through all of this but it will have to come to an end eventually and then you're just back to where you started. It's hard giving advice when I don't know if I could even take my own advice! : )
Recommended Posts