lsuslu Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Hello all, first off i'm new here. i need as many different perspectives on this question as possible. Background, Dated this girl for a little over 3 years. She being 25 now and me being 28. We went through a lot together, namely surviving Hurricane Katrina at her house, and graduating college together, helping her through surgery, and being there when her friend passed and her mother survived cancer. I can get more in detail with these if so asked. She and I broke up after an argument about a little over a year ago. I felt her pulling away for a bout 6 months prior to that. After breaking up we did not physically see each other for about 8 months. She then decided that see wanted to see me and started hanging around and going out with me. No physical contact except dancing and hello goodbye hugs. She then starts flaking out on me again and goes on vacation. took her 3 days when she got back to call me. I thought this a little strange and asked around, found out she is dating someone else now. I get mad and am rude to her when she calls to ask about my family for hurricane gustav, and ignore her text for hurricane ike. About a month and a half later i texted her asking to maybe try a friendship even though she is dating someone else. She responded that "she was sorry but meeting with me would make her unconfortable, and that her new guy would not like it". Have I lost her for good? Does she still have any feelings for me? I did not want to push things on her when she came back the first time, so I didn't. I don't know how to go about this and try to get her back. Losing her is probably the dumbest thing I done. Should i leave her be, and maybe one day down the road she will call me, or should I call her now and try to talk to here, risking pissing her off and distancing myself even more? Sorry long post, but i feel my back is to a corner and I need some insight from girls and guys who maybe have been through this. Thanks
BCCA Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 My advice is to let this one go. I know, it sucks and its hard, but it doesnt seem like she is on the same page as you, and you dont seem to be a priority in her life any longer. It seems to me that she reached out for communication only because she was lonely, but as soon as she found someone else, she turned into a flake and you made her 'uncomfortable'. I dont think she ever had any intention of getting back together. Have you lost her for good? Its quite possible, but even if you haven't, there is nothing you can do right now but to focus on moving on and being alright without her. You may be able to be friends one day, you may never hear from her again, but you cant worry about that right now. Cut all contact with her off, do not reply to her, and just keep yourself busy with other things. She obviously doesnt want to talk to you right now, and it will only make things worse if you try to force it.
Author lsuslu Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 thanks for the response. i know it may seem insignificant everyday advice, but it really helps me with trying to understand and grasp the situation. i have pretty much decided to let her call me when she comes down off this new relationship "high", and starts to think about how I'm doing. I was her longest relationship and know that her ne guy can't completely wipe the memory of me. the only thing i was thinking about doing was sending her a birthday card come November, nothing begging or whining, just a simple happy b-day card. thanks again
BCCA Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I would strongly advise you to skip sending her anything for her birthday. Thats something friends/boyfriends do, and right now, you are really neither. And it would be like throwing her a bone to let her know you still think about her and care. Trust me, you dont want to do that, and not because you need to hate her or be a jerk, but because your lives are now seperated because of a decision she made, she is with someone else, and you dont want to feed her ego. I wouldnt even send her a text/call...nothing.
Author lsuslu Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 BCCA, thanks again. after mulling on it after my first post today your right, she does not deserve any kindness from me. now that does not mean outright hatred to her face or over the phone, just no "gifts" or favors of any kind. I do have one little problem though. She is in possession of a rather expensive Brunswick pool table that i had to store at her father's business after Katrina. I need to get it back and I have had friends volunteer to retrieve for me. I really do not want to go personally, but it is rude to have someone do the work for me(really heavy!!). Suggestions?? I could pay for it to be removed but rather need the money elsewhere. Thanks
BCCA Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Thats a tough one. If it was me, I would wait until I could get some friends over there to get it, and have one of them ask her when a good time is. I'm sure your friends understand, and unless its absolutely neccesary, I wouldnt be involved at all. She'll use any and all opportunities to remind you shes with someone else and not you. Not because shes a mean person, but because its an ego boost and shell do it instinctively. DO NOT talk to, email, write, wave at, etc her at all anymore. The person you were involved with no longer exists, and the person shes become is nobody you want in your life. Also, not saying this is in any way part of the equation for you, but she'll think youre just making excuses to talk to her or her family. I dont like to say this, but you may also have to chalk this one up as a loss. She might just be a complete b***h about it and make it as difficult as possible for you to get it back. In the end, even if it was expensive, it might not be worth the emotional drain. Good luck.
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