Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Send him a puppy!:bunny: Is that like a Piddlegram?
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Send him an IOU which includes various sexual activities! And at the bottomline say "I'll show you how sorry I am."
carhill Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Oh, for a man (IOW, me ), receiving a nice box from Zappo's with some leopard pumps and 4" heels in a size 5 (or the lady's size, which any loving man knows) would be a perfect titillation and laughter inducement. See, men are visual creatures. He opens the box and sees the shoes and all these images start flashing through his mind and blood rushes downward and he forgets all about what he was mad about. Does this make sense?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Is that like a Piddlegram? The gift that keeps on giving!
Author GroupFitness Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Well I suspect he's mad at me for saying that I don't feel a deep connection between us. He says he does and he finds it upsetting that we don't seem to be on the same page. When I made the statement, I was referring to a spiritual "soul-mate" like connection, where you have some kind of sense that you knew this person in a past life or something. That thing that makes you feel like you two share an inside joke that no one else knows about. No one "gets" you as much as this person, etc. He doesn't even think this kind of connection exists, and I agree with him that maybe this is something I'm just making up in my head on the account of being the uber- romantic that I am. I'm a pisces, we tend to live in fantasyland anyway. We have a great relationship, we have fun together and we are very compatible. And because we don't have this kind of connection, it doesn't mean that I want a break up or I think our relationship is not good enough. Like I said earlier, this is our first fight in the 6 months that we've been dating. I was just thinking out loud, having one of those "what's the point of life" moments when I made that statement and now it seems I've created this doubt in his mind.
joshaz Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 This is where I don't get the differences between men and women, is it really true that sex cures ALL for guys? I find that really amazing. She killed his mother, she stole his bike, how can she make it up to him? Answer= Sex. Wow! Of course it's true. And we should all be thankful for that or our species would have died out long ago...
Author GroupFitness Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I don't know if a blowjob is really the answer in this situation:laugh:
carhill Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Well I suspect he's mad at me for saying that I don't feel a deep connection between us. He says he does and he finds it upsetting that we don't seem to be on the same page. Having seen both sides of this street, I'd opine that your perspectives are different, in that you can view the same dynamic in completely different ways. TBH, and perhaps you know this, if you have that connection you'll know exactly what and when to do something to break this current ice. You'll feel it and not think it. OK, try this: Send him a funny handwritten card with something flirtatious written in it. See what happens. Don't see nothing as a negative.
Author GroupFitness Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Having seen both sides of this street, I'd opine that your perspectives are different, in that you can view the same dynamic in completely different ways. TBH, and perhaps you know this, if you have that connection you'll know exactly what and when to do something to break this current ice. You'll feel it and not think it. OK, try this: Send him a funny handwritten card with something flirtatious written in it. See what happens. Don't see nothing as a negative. Thanks Carhill, I think I'll do just that. His definition of connection is different from mine as he is not a sappy romantic like I am but listening to his definition, we do have the ingredients of a good relationship. It's one of those disagreements that are hard to define or solve really. And I want to drive it home to him that just because I define "connection" differently doesn't mean that I have doubts about us.
carhill Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 The sticky wicket will occur IMO when he comes to see your truth as universal and he's just not "feeling" it. Watch for that. Stock up on cards
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Okay, now that you've explained what happened, I can understand why you want to send him something. You've hurt his pride and ego, as well as his gentler emotions, his feelings. It appears he's more invested than you are. He's told you that he cares deeply for you, where what he's getting from you is that he's not the love of your life. While it's probably not as harsh as this, I think the base elements are similar. I would show up at his place with a bottle of wine and dinner in a basket, something you cooked yourself. Sure, it puts you out there to have the door slammed on you but isn't he worth it?
Angel1111 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 These comments about sex are funny but not realistic when a guy is pissed off. What these guys say and what's realistic are different in my opinion. When guys are pissed, an offer for sex will fall flat - and I think all you guys know that. I think flowers are better than a plant because the plant will stick around - and so will that memory. I don't think you want him to be reminded of this incident every day that he walks in his office. I also like the wine or alchohol ideas. In the future, I'd be careful about saying something like that to someone again. That's never going to come across in a positive light, no matter how you spin it.
D-Jam Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Mine got me some plants for my condo. I must admit they add life to my cave.
carhill Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Well I suspect he's mad at me for saying that I don't feel a deep connection between us. He says he does and he finds it upsetting that we don't seem to be on the same page. He doesn't even think this kind of connection exists So, is he upset that you don't feel the same way he does, or that you believe in a "deep connection" and he doesn't? This was the impetus for my comments, though this subject is a bit off-topic. IMO, he can't have it both ways, asserting "soulmate" connections don't exist, then being upset with you that you expressed you apparently don't have a soulmate connection with him. Overly sensitive, IMO. I brought this exact subject up in MC and asserted that, if my wife had treated me in a loving and caring manner, I would've overlooked the fact that she either doesn't have the capacity or interest to "feel" such a connection with me or believe in one in general. The mere sharing of such information wouldn't have colored my opinion, as I judge people by their actions, not their thoughts, and, admittedly, I'm pretty sensitive and emotional Send him the card but don't let him milk this. He needs to own his perspective and be clear about it. No waffling
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Flowers never get a guy off the hook with out a spoken, sincere apology. The latter is all that's ever necessary, IMO.
Author GroupFitness Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Carhill, I think he is more upset that I don't feel the same way he does. Which I actually do based on the way he defines having a connection which is mental, physical and emotional compatibility. I explained to him that when I think of connection, I think of something much deeper, more spiritual and I don't think we have that but then again, I've never had that with anyone and perhaps, no one has that, we only think we can have it based on watching too many movies. Trialbyfire and Angel1111 are right, I shouldn't have shot off at the mouth like that because I can now see how it may plant a doubt. But I had just returned from a wedding and weddings tend to make you think about your own life and where it stands.
carhill Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 "It" exists within you and, yes, you can have "it", but you can also have quite satisfying relationships without "it". IMO, the clear mandate is that both parties be on the same page (like-minded) about "it". An absence of that is an essential incompatibility. For the sake of argument, say you had "it" in the past with someone else and know for certain you don't have "it" with your current beau. Would that be a deal-breaker for you? Only you can answer that for yourself. IME, I would say no, as long as the rest of the relationship factors were in accord and your partner was of a like mind. Did you "shoot your mouth off"? From your beau's perspective, maybe. Was it insensitive? I don't know. Could it open a deeper dialogue? Between two like-minded people, IMO, yes. If I were in your beau's position, I'd be looking at the totality of how you treated me, not a few sentences spoken after a wedding. Love comes in many forms and any of us are very fortunate to receive it from another human being. Your card and your actions will remind him of that, I trust It'll all work out. Give him some digestive time....
refurb Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 The best would be something that the girl knows the guy likes, especially if it's something unique. The gummy bear thing would be great if he happen to mention it. For me it's the thought that counts. If a girl paid enough attention to remember I love gummy bears (for example), then it would be an awesome gift! RF
Al_Bundy Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Well I suspect he's mad at me for saying that I don't feel a deep connection between us. He says he does and he finds it upsetting that we don't seem to be on the same page. Well if you don't feel a deep connection to him, then whats the problem? If that is true, then move on. When I made the statement, I was referring to a spiritual "soul-mate" like connection, where you have some kind of sense that you knew this person in a past life or something. But thats not what you probably said to him. You probably stated it just as you did, "I don't feel a deep connection with you". Only one way to really take that. We have a great relationship, we have fun together and we are very compatible. And because we don't have this kind of connection, it doesn't mean that I want a break up or I think our relationship is not good enough. But he obviously feels differently. If a gf of mine were to say, "I don't feel a deep connection with you." I'd be thinking, "really? well, nice knowing ya". I was just thinking out loud, having one of those "what's the point of life" moments when I made that statement and now it seems I've created this doubt in his mind. I'd say so. Maybe you need to clarify what you meant. Because to him he is hearing, "you aren't the one for me".
Al_Bundy Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 These comments about sex are funny but not realistic when a guy is pissed off. What these guys say and what's realistic are different in my opinion. When guys are pissed, an offer for sex will fall flat - and I think all you guys know that. They were joking, I believe anyway. I think flowers are better than a plant because the plant will stick around - and so will that memory. Well I can't speak for all "men", but flowers are the freakin' LAST thing we want. I like the bottle of wine and dinner in a basket idea from Trial.
Isolde Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I always thought the idea of giving flowers to guys was cute, just not pink ones or frilly bouquets, of course. Or maybe just one of those exotic plants, a bit more masculine than flowers. Or one of those fruit plants, at least he can eat it if he doesn't like how it looks. Why spend tons of money on champagne? It's silly unless it's a major, major occasion.
allina Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 If my bf is having a bad day, or if I know I've said something bitchy/unfair I let him just relax and play video games while I bring him pie and beer.
Lizzie60 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 If my bf is having a bad day, or if I know I've said something bitchy/unfair I let him just relax and play video games while I bring him pie and beer. .......so if he had a good day.. NO video games
BubblyPopcorn Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 How about a subscription to Maxum and you can post a picture of your face on top of one of the models? Maybe something small/simple to break the ice, when I was with my ex I'd surprise him by cooking his fav meal or sometimes I'd clean his room for him when I stayed over so when he got home his house was nice & neat. He loved sports so I'd get him something "sports" related or leave little cards/notes around the house (I know a lot of guys will say that's "gay" but he liked it). I'm sure though most of the responses from the guys on here will say steak/BJ so maybe they know best
cutegirl Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Ummm... when a guy is pissed off all it takes is a blowjob to make them not pissed again... Guys are not that complex.. Sex is their #1 drive and instinct, it's a lot stronger than any angry emotion they have unless you did something REALLY bad like stabbed him almost to death or hit his kids etc... If its just a small to medium fight all it takes is bj, sex, anal etc Guys don't care for flowers... I am sure they will take a bj, anal sex or a threesome.... no matter how angry they are (unless you stabbed his mom or something SUPER heinous).
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