freckles73 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Guys, help me figure this one out. Last year a guy at my company asked me out, but I declined because I don't date people from work. It was hard to do, because we get along really well and he is very attractive and a good all around catch. He was really broken up about it and spent several months trying to convince me to change my mind, but I stuck to my no dating coworkers rule. He is also somewhat of a subordinate to me and I could get in trouble with senior management if we dated. It simply can't happen. Fast forward to last week and I found his online dating profile. Out of curiosity, I checked it out. He listed his match's body type as slender or athletic/toned. That confused me because I am neither. I am a curvy size 14. This all got me thinking, because this is not the first time this has happened where a guy I know in real life has asked me out or hit on me that I later find online who lists their preference as slender or athletic only. And as a larger than thin woman it is frustrating to date online because most of the decent catches all list slender and athletic as their only body type they want to date. The pickings are slim. Do men have different dating criteria for their online dates than they do for the women they approach in real life? Why the discrepancies?
flc Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I don't think so I just think most people assume that online people will fudge a bit. So they are just playing it on the safe side since they don't want to date someone who is very overweight. How someone carries the weight cannot really be judged well online but can be in person. I prefer athletic/toned women since I workout 5 days a week and would prefer a partner that shares my interests in fitness. I also like curvy women as well as long as they are curvy and not just overweight by 30lbs.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 He probably thought you were attractive on top of being a nice person, liking you for more reasons then your body. I am more judgmental of guys photos online because that's all you really have to go on at first. Even though some of the guys I have dated in real life where no more or less attractive. It was just because I knew them that I was attracted. When it comes to online you miss that whole chemistry thing that can happen. And chemistry doesn't just happen for thin people.
grogster Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Many guys select athletic/slim because of cultural preferences and the belief that many women fudge their weight. In other words, if you "prefer" curvy, you'll get winks and e-mails from the obese. Men fudge their height. JS is correct in commenting that there can be Chemistry with someone who's not of your preferred body type. My last GF preferred young, well-endowed, athletic Black guys. I'm a middle-aged White guy. We had Chemistry to spare. And I've been with extremely attractive women where no spark, let alone Chemistry, existed. It was terrible. I'm offline, now. If I meet someone in real life, that's cool. No more online stuff. It just distorts the mating game.
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Many guys select athletic/slim because of cultural preferences and the belief that many women fudge their weight. In other words, if you "prefer" curvy, you'll get winks and e-mails from the obese. Men fudge their height. I'd agree with Grogster... Online as a man you learn not to give that inch or it will turn into a mile.. guaranteed.. When a guy puts down that curvy or a few xtra pounds are okay he will be deluged with emails of women that are not just curvy or a little overweight but they will be the extreme of obese and those women consider themselves curvy as well.. There is nothing harder than to get an email from someone that you clearly don't fit with and you have to in a sense reject them.. So... It is easier to just say Athletic/Thin in a profile and then from there the guy gets to decide if a a woman who is curvy is attractive to him...
grogster Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I'd agree with Grogster... Online as a man you learn not to give that inch or it will turn into a mile.. guaranteed.. When a guy puts down that curvy or a few xtra pounds are okay he will be deluged with emails of women that are not just curvy or a little overweight but they will be the extreme of obese and those women consider themselves curvy as well.. There is nothing harder than to get an email from someone that you clearly don't fit with and you have to in a sense reject them.. So... It is easier to just say Athletic/Thin in a profile and then from there the guy gets to decide if a a woman who is curvy is attractive to him... All good points, AC. Your point about rejecting women is true, too. I hated doing that. I would concoct almost any face saving reason why she and I wouldn't "match." Distance was my preferred reason.I suspect women have an easier time spurning unwanted male winks and e-mails. They're more practiced at that.
Shygirl15 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 A curvy size 14 is sexy, better that a size 2 any day. Like others said, he probably put athletic and toned on his profile, just to be on the "safe side".
lovestruck818 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 A curvy size 14 is sexy, better that a size 2 any day. Like others said, he probably put athletic and toned on his profile, just to be on the "safe side". While a curvey 14 is indeed sexy, who's to say it's BETTER than a size 2? I am a size 0 and incredibly sexy.
All Star Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 He probably got to know you and can see past that shallow stuff now.
Shygirl15 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 While a curvey 14 is indeed sexy, who's to say it's BETTER than a size 2? I am a size 0 and incredibly sexy. Just my personal opinion. Nothing to worry about.
lovestruck818 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Just my personal opinion. Nothing to worry about. That's fine...you're entitled to your opinion. I will tell you- it has to do with height as well. I am 5'1" and if I was a size 14 i would look like a whale b/c I am small all over...by the same token, someone 5'8"-5'9" at a size 0 would be incredibly anorexic. Everyone carries weight differently which is why people at any size can be sexy. To me though, sexy is more a personality thing than a looks thing. If someone is confident about themselves, that to me is the sexiest quality in a person.
stillafool Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Why is it that the "tall and athletic" build women never start threads like this and ask these questions in reverse? Interesting:confused:
Shygirl15 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Are you a curvey size 14 Shygirl? No, I'm size 6 but I found a lot of times I envy bigger girls especially when they're curvy.
Shygirl15 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 That's fine...you're entitled to your opinion. I will tell you- it has to do with height as well. I am 5'1" and if I was a size 14 i would look like a whale b/c I am small all over...by the same token, someone 5'8"-5'9" at a size 0 would be incredibly anorexic. Ah. Gotcha. So you're probably not as thin as I imagined at first.
lovestruck818 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Ah. Gotcha. So you're probably not as thin as I imagined at first. I'm 5'1", 102lbs, size 0. I'm not at all sickly or anorexic looking...remember, I am only 5'1". I look proportionate to my size. 5'1" is very little.
Author freckles73 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I'd agree with Grogster... When a guy puts down that curvy or a few xtra pounds are okay he will be deluged with emails of women that are not just curvy or a little overweight but they will be the extreme of obese and those women consider themselves curvy as well.. All of these perspectives are interesting. It's good to get feedback from others on this. So what you're saying is that in your experience the vast majority of the women who say they are curvy are not, but are morbidly obese? How the heck do they think they are going to cover that reality up in real life? I guess I assumed that honesty is the best policy. And while a size 14 may be the average size of the American woman, I know that's not what "average" means. I guess I assumed there were categories that were understood.....a few extra pounds is that area between an average size 8/10 and plus-sized 18/20 where the woman isn't particularly endowed with big boobs and and an hourglass shape....and curvy is the area between average and plus sized that is heavier than average, but with a well-proportioned shape and usually busty with a small waist and full hips. So am I shooting myself in the foot by listing myself as curvy? Or am I being honest? Oh what to do.
tomwiz Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I did the online dating BS for a while and the fact of the matter was, ever girl who i went out with who said athletic or average size was curvey and every girl who i went out with who said they were curvey was obese...he's just covering his bases
All Star Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 If she is saying she's not a 14 but is 5'1, doesn't that mean she's smaller than a 14? I think he likes her personality and doesn't now care about the rest.
All Star Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I'm 5'1", 102lbs, size 0. I'm not at all sickly or anorexic looking...remember, I am only 5'1". I look proportionate to my size. 5'1" is very little. That sounds about right for your height.
flc Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I guess I assumed there were categories that were understood.....a few extra pounds is that area between an average size 8/10 and plus-sized 18/20 where the woman isn't particularly endowed with big boobs and and an hourglass shape....and curvy is the area between average and plus sized that is heavier than average, but with a well-proportioned shape and usually busty with a small waist and full hips. So am I shooting myself in the foot by listing myself as curvy? Or am I being honest? Oh what to do. My idea of curvy is a women who is a bit larger than average but does maintain the hourglass shape. I think you can weigh a bit more and pull it off as long as the weight is in the boobs and hips and you still maintain a reasonable/average size waist. I also think that the size of the thighs and calves can be larger but need to be proportional. Of course throw in smooth skin and a nice tan, delicious. Without the hourglass shape where are the curves?
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 So am I shooting myself in the foot by listing myself as curvy? No.. providing your pictures back up the curves.. make sure that you just don't have a face shot on your profile and that is it.. Women that are trying to hide their body weight only put face shots online.. So what you're saying is that in your experience the vast majority of the women who say they are curvy are not From my experience Curvy is a pretty broad definition that a woman from big busted or slightly hippy to obese will use... I think women with big weight issues are doing nothing but playing down the perceived negatives and playing up their positives.. same thing we all do... I have run into the woman that lies about her weight or body shape and when I met her she was at least 100lbs different... It happens.. just like when a man lies about his obvious height issue or baldness That is why pictures must back up the users definition of themselves... of course in the case of the xtra 100lb woman she was also using 10 year old pictures and also lied about her age...
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I have experience with this. I'm toned and fit, but definitely curvy up top and could stand to lose 5 pounds from my waist. I'd hardly consider myself "slender," but I'm still not chubby. I have "Average" stated on my profile. SEVERAL guys online have initiated contact with me, despite their stated preference of ONLY dating someone who's "slender." I also know guys I've dated who have very much enjoyed my body, who now have profiles online stating their preferance is "slender." I've asked them why. It's easy. Online dating is deceptive in many ways - many women apparently lie about their body type. They figure they're far less likely to get a chubby woman if they put "slender." In their eyes, everyone lies on their profile. So they assume that "slender" means average. "Athletic and toned" means you go the gym once a week, and are soft in the middle. "Average" means you're a size 18. "Curvy" means you're fat. In other words, they're just playing it safe. LOL
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Isn't the concept of online dating the opportunity to meet someone in real life? Why do people lie about weight, height, etc? It will be pretty obvious upon meeting, that it's not true.
Author freckles73 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Then what is the proper match.com "code" word for a 5'8" size 14 with a busty hourglass shape?
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