zazue Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I filed for divorce today (see my thread) and it didn't take long for my abusive, alcoholic STBXH to strike back at me. I took a nap this evening. I'm making up for a lot of sleep loss from this whole mess. When I woke up I checked my phone for messages, and low and behold there was one at 9:00pm from my obviously drunk STBXH. He told me the OW his "Fiancee" is pregnant, and they are so happy. It's like a second chance at life for him. They're hoping for a girl (we have a 22 yo son). His "Fiancee" is so loving and kind, blah, blah, blah. The funny thing is. I couldn't care less. What a sad, pathetic jerk. Thank God I am getting free from him:)
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 My exH did that too. Left me a message saying he was getting married because he "met the woman of his dreams" like three months after I left. We weren't even divorced yet but he wanted to let me know...why? Although he still calls me daily three years after the divorce. Sometimes multiple times. Loser. Anyway it stings a bit but then when you think about it you realize you don't want him anyway. Oh...save the message...proof of cheating.
Author zazue Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 My exH did that too. Left me a message saying he was getting married because he "met the woman of his dreams" like three months after I left. We weren't even divorced yet but he wanted to let me know...why? Although he still calls me daily three years after the divorce. Sometimes multiple times. Loser. Anyway it stings a bit but then when you think about it you realize you don't want him anyway. Oh...save the message...proof of cheating. Oh yes, I saved it, but cheating doesn't matter in my state (WA). I know it isn't true (even if it is, he's 50 years old) so good luck loser is all I have to say to him.
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Yeah he's just trying to make you feel bad that his life is exciting while you wonder about your own future. I'd rather wonder about my future than know it involves changing diapers. Um hey...good luck with that Buddy.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 WooHoo!!!!! Bake them a cake! She deserves him! Glad you have gotten the divorce process started! Hopefully things will calm down for you once this is all over. So where is his loving fiance while his drunk *ss is calling you with the good news! Diaper duty at 50, not something I would be looking forward to! The funny thing is. I couldn't care less. What a sad, pathetic jerk. Thank God I am getting free from him:) See, there's a blessing. Thank him for reminding you how lucky you are now, and congratulate him on finding someone elses life to ruin!
quankanne Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 It's like a second chance at life for him. yeah right ... next time you see the both of them, sweetly congratulate them, then say to him (where she can hear), "I really hope you don't **** it up this time, because this is your chance at salvation." (not in the religious sense, but in that he can clean up his act ... though not sure an anal pore will ever stop being an anal pore!) it'll drive him nuts wondering just what you meant, and you'll be (kinda) killing him with kindness. meanwhile, I'm glad to hear that you were able to escape your abusive marriage and that you've discovered something better than what he had to offer – YOU. Zaz, if you don't mind a personal question? What finally did it, what made you say to yourself "I don't need this shxt anymore, I can leave him?" I did read your initial post last night, but I cannot remember if you got into the meat and bones of it ... I've got a close relative in an abusive marriage, with two young children, and she keeps going back to him. We don't know if it's because he's had nine years to cultivate her through lies and threats, or if she feels sorry that no one else will love him the way she does – we just don't know. And I'm hoping that your insight might help us figure out a way to help her see she doesn't deserve a lifetime of verbal, mental, physical and sexual abuse from this demon-spawn.
Author zazue Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 It's like a second chance at life for him. yeah right ... next time you see the both of them, sweetly congratulate them, then say to him (where she can hear), "I really hope you don't **** it up this time, because this is your chance at salvation." (not in the religious sense, but in that he can clean up his act ... though not sure an anal pore will ever stop being an anal pore!) it'll drive him nuts wondering just what you meant, and you'll be (kinda) killing him with kindness. meanwhile, I'm glad to hear that you were able to escape your abusive marriage and that you've discovered something better than what he had to offer – YOU. Zaz, if you don't mind a personal question? What finally did it, what made you say to yourself "I don't need this shxt anymore, I can leave him?" I did read your initial post last night, but I cannot remember if you got into the meat and bones of it ... I've got a close relative in an abusive marriage, with two young children, and she keeps going back to him. We don't know if it's because he's had nine years to cultivate her through lies and threats, or if she feels sorry that no one else will love him the way she does – we just don't know. And I'm hoping that your insight might help us figure out a way to help her see she doesn't deserve a lifetime of verbal, mental, physical and sexual abuse from this demon-spawn. I think it was because I kicked him out of my house right when I found out about his affair. Changed the locks, went out with friends (which I could never do when he was around) and just lived my life. He saw he was losing control of me so he really started verbally and emotionally abusing me big time. When I wasn't around it constantly, I could see how he would never change. Even though he lived with the OW, I was still his. He owned me, and I knew it had to stop for my own sanity. I feel so peaceful when I come home and he's not here. It's a whole new life.
quankanne Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 dayum ... I know there's a control factor with an abuser, but I guess I never thought of it as this ("Even though he lived with the OW, I was still his. He owned me") – I'm REALLY impressed (and happy for you) that you made the break.
Author zazue Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 dayum ... I know there's a control factor with an abuser, but I guess I never thought of it as this ("Even though he lived with the OW, I was still his. He owned me") – I'm REALLY impressed (and happy for you) that you made the break. Also it sounds like your family member has young children, and sometimes when you have young children, the fear of the unknown (raising the kids alone, will I have enough money, he can always change if I try hard enough) cloud your vision. You feel like you can handle the known, more than the unknown. My son is 22, and in college, so that was also a big factor. I know I can take care of myself. Good luck with your family member. Just be there for her.
Trimmer Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 yeah right ... next time you see the both of them, sweetly congratulate them, then say to him (where she can hear), "I really hope you don't **** it up this time, because this is your chance at salvation." (not in the religious sense, but in that he can clean up his act ... though not sure an anal pore will ever stop being an anal pore!) it'll drive him nuts wondering just what you meant, and you'll be (kinda) killing him with kindness. I think another useful product of this approach is that it may give you some power over him playing control games with you. In other words, if you acknowledge his assertion that he's starting a new life, has something wonderful happening that he's looking forward to, etc. (even if you gag inwardly at this...) then he can't very well be an @sshole to you about leaving him, can he? He doesn't really have cause to complain about that any more, since it enabled him to turn this "wonderful" new page in his life. So wish him well, and then use that attitude as insulation so you don't have to accept any bitching or control attempts from him. Just let him know that you're glad it's all working out for him.
PWSX3 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Personally I wouldn't waste my time telling him anything. The more you tell him the more he will keep bugging you. Just work on getting yourself feeling better, work on making "your" life better and don't waste any energy on him.
Author zazue Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Personally I wouldn't waste my time telling him anything. The more you tell him the more he will keep bugging you. Just work on getting yourself feeling better, work on making "your" life better and don't waste any energy on him. I'm with you. I just recieved a text from his "pregnant fiance" telling me she sent the text in a mis-guided attempt to get me to leave her and my STBXH alone, and she's not pregnant. Uhh, hello, I filed for divorce, how much clearer can I be. I just ignore them both unless I have to reply to my STBXH about our son, or business. I am working on myself, and enjoying my new life so much more. Nothing those two can do to me will drag me down.
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