Hydro Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I'm struggling with a few issues within myself lately which is causing me to lose interest in everything. I know that half of the problem is with missing my girlfriend but I have never felt like this before with previous girlfriends. In general, I'm bored with work, my current social life (non existant due to me living in the middle of nowhere), and any games that I would play in my spare time online have absolutely no interest to me at all. I find myself sitting wanting to be with my girlfriend but unable to due to the distance between us. I travel to see her at the weekends and on a wednesday. As much as I try, I cannot take my mind off wanting to get away from my life away from my girlfriend. Anyone else felt like this before and how did you deal with it?
Author Hydro Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 I think i've figured out whats wrong with me. I'm just not supposed to be happy, I'm systematically destroying any chance I have of being happy and will ultimately see this unhappiness be the end of me. I'm letting jealousy and past experiences destroy what little chance I have of coming close to having a life partner who loves me for me. What the **** is the point of even trying? My life started going wrong the instant my mother started having an affair behind my fathers back. I can't honestly say I've got any happy memories from my childhood that I can slip back to and help me keep a sane grip on this pathetic excuse what I have for a life.
GPFan Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I am sorry this has happened to you but your parents' mistakes aren't your burden to carry. Perhaps therapy is something you should look into.
Meaplus3 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 I think i've figured out whats wrong with me. I'm just not supposed to be happy, I'm systematically destroying any chance I have of being happy and will ultimately see this unhappiness be the end of me. I'm letting jealousy and past experiences destroy what little chance I have of coming close to having a life partner who loves me for me. What the **** is the point of even trying? My life started going wrong the instant my mother started having an affair behind my fathers back. I can't honestly say I've got any happy memories from my childhood that I can slip back to and help me keep a sane grip on this pathetic excuse what I have for a life. Sounds like your spending to much time living in the past and not focusing on the present. In order for you to find happiness you need to some how let go of past hurts and take things one day at a time. Ever consider therapy? AP:)
Author Hydro Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 I'm looking into it, I'll be going to see the doctor in the morning. Its now 2am and I still can't sleep, been one week since I've had a proper nights rest. Its not helping much. On top of everything my gf isn't being very supportive and we have taken a break from each other, and tbh I'm heartbroken. I miss her dearly and I only hope that all is not lost for us. The exchange of words she had with me today made me feel there is no hope for us either. I just wish that life was easier to live without the problems and issues I've been having lately.
DollWelch Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 You might be going through a tough time, right now, but sooner or later things will improve. You have to keep your hopes up, and work towards what you want in life. I think, and I also advise, that if you want to be happy and overjoyed with things and people in your life, you're going to have to change your ways. Meaning that you're going to have to change how you view the world, the people you surround yourself with, and where you stand in your life. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you're happy with neither your work nor your girlfriend. Perhaps you should take a break, and really rediscover what it means to be you; alive and rejoicing. I think the best way to do that is to move out of your comfort zone, and take a few risks in your life, within reason of course. Hopefully though in due time you'll be able to really understand the dynamics of your personality and character -and learn that it takes a lot of motivation and self-esteem to pleasantly live among those you befriend and love.
Author Hydro Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 Well, I have been to the doctors this morning and after siting and having a lengthy chat with the doctor (I had my sister there too), I have been diagnosed with having severe depression. The doctor has put me on anti-depressants and has referred me to a specialist to help me deal with my issues. I talked with my gf tonight and she is still not being supportive. My own fault really I suppose, in a kind of indirect way. I have an illness which I left unchecked and it has now resulted in the possible end of my relationship. This I am already preparing myself for as its a very real possibility that she won't come around and calm down to help me through this. I made the mistake of going and talking with someone else other than her to help me sort my head out before I went to talk my issues over with her. I felt I neded to do this because I have a tendancy to end up explaining myself wrong and I believed this would have ended the relationship if I hadn't. Oh how wrong I was. Its now a waiting game to see if she will forgive me and help me get through these problems. I also forgot to mention that I may have been suffering with this depression for 9 years now but the only reason that it has surfaced recently is due to medication I was taking to help me stop smoking. Its called Champix and one of the more notable side effects is that it changes your mood and it looked like it took grip of my insecurities and amplified them, pushing my girlfriend away from me. I think I will keep posting here, just to update or chat in this topic as I feel I need some way of noting how I feel to help me organise my thoughts and feelings.
GPFan Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I think I will keep posting here, just to update or chat in this topic as I feel I need some way of noting how I feel to help me organise my thoughts and feelings.Good for you on taking better care of yourself. Do continue posting and reaching out to others, this will allow you to heal faster.
Trialbyfire Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Wow, way to go. You took it in the direction it needed to go, by seeing your doctor, etc. Many people with depression don't bother doing anything about it. Keep on posting on LS. Whether we respond or not, people are still reading.
Morgan143 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 Good for you on taking better care of yourself. Do continue posting and reaching out to others, this will allow you to heal faster. forum is the best place to reach at the people for exchange our ideas and views about diffrent factors and thinking !
Author Hydro Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 My GF sent me a text this morning to tell me that the fuel prices have dropped yet again in her area. Considering she is angry with me still I see this as a positive step forward. I'm still preparing myself emotionally for a breakup because I'm not sure if she is one for giving second chances.
Author Hydro Posted October 21, 2008 Author Posted October 21, 2008 My GF just contacted me on msn and we had a long hearted deep conversation. She has illustrated to me that she is hurt and that she still loves me. After a bit of a chat she has said that she doesnt want us to be over but she can't see us going back to the way we were. I hope that with time this can be put behind us. I just have to wait for her to say when its good for us to see each other again. Its certainly lifted my mood and put me on track to sorting my head out.
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