StartingOver07 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 IMO an ex is an ex is an ex, regardless of gender. This is the crux of the matter, imo. I would not maintain a "best friend" relationship with an ex while in a current relationship. Even if there is absolutely zero potential for the romance to re-engage (and I'd question that zero), there is way too much potential for misunderstanding and hurt feelings. I tend to think that your gf would not be open to the idea of you spending this kind of time with one of your ex's.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 I tend to think that your gf would not be open to the idea of you spending this kind of time with one of your ex's. Understatement of the year. One somewhat comforting aspect is that C recently moved out of state.
mental_traveller Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I could be wrong, but my take is that you have nothing to fear here, I think they are just goofing around. Because of the bi & past fling history, it's got another dimension for you, but IMO it's just like two guys taking the mickey out of each other. If there was anything untoward, she would more likely be secretive about it, they wouldn't be openly joking in a place where you could see it I don't think. I do think it's a bit of a blind spot for her not to realise this might get on your nerves. Because she sees it as totally harmless, it came as a surprise that it bothered you. That's not really a big deal either IMO. However, to then not only dismiss how you felt, but to actually criticize you for it was definitely not cool. Personally I don't think your problem is whether your gf is interested in her ex. Your problem is that she doesn't think you have the right to be a bit put out, not only that but actually puts you down for feeling that way, AND she is even more jealous herself, so hypocritical too - that's what would be bugging me if I was in your shoes. I would suggest calmly getting her to see how things look from your side, get her to imagine being in your position. Which you kind of did already. Try it again in a few days once it's cooled down. If she still can't at least have some empathy for how you felt, then that's not a good sign IMO. I don't like the dismissive way she glossed over your feelings on this.
mental_traveller Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 All in all Tan, this incident should not be a reason to end the relationship. There's nothing major really, it can all be easily sorted out peacefully. It depends whether it is a genuine one-off, or the first of many such incidents. Only time will tell.
mental_traveller Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Well I offered to go see her Friday but no reply yet. Funny how the driving thing wasn't an issue until I had a problem with the comments to her ex. Don't be so sure. It may have been an issue that she felt, but didn't raise with you until she got upset. If she didn't feel any resentment about it, she wouldn't have raised it as a complaint. Arguments often bring out suppressed issues people have or are unhappy about.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 I do think it's a bit of a blind spot for her not to realise this might get on your nerves. Because she sees it as totally harmless, it came as a surprise that it bothered you. Yes, this is basically right. It did come up a day or two later after she calmed down a little and I think she understands my side of it better. Also--and this goes along with what S_G and others said about her dumping me--we had some very minor arguments after this incident, just stuff that would flare up and fizzle out within the hour, and several days (and a couple drinks ) later she confessed that she was worried I would break up with her so she was picking fights with me. She admitted that she knows that was dumb and promised to stop. She's pretty insecure in general but she's also well aware of that and even jokes around about it a little. Since all this, though, things have been cool.
Chinook Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Sounds to me like you guys are doing okay. You could be in the 'testing' phase of the relationship. You know that period where you push each other's buttons without realising it..? It'll work out fine if you can resolve stuff as amicably and as quickly as all this Good Luck
mental_traveller Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Yes, this is basically right. It did come up a day or two later after she calmed down a little and I think she understands my side of it better. Also--and this goes along with what S_G and others said about her dumping me--we had some very minor arguments after this incident, just stuff that would flare up and fizzle out within the hour, and several days (and a couple drinks ) later she confessed that she was worried I would break up with her so she was picking fights with me. She admitted that she knows that was dumb and promised to stop. She's pretty insecure in general but she's also well aware of that and even jokes around about it a little. Since all this, though, things have been cool. Ok cool, it sounds like just a one-off misunderstanding then. You can't expect 22 year olds to be ultra-mature about everything, after all - there's gotta be some downside to dating a young hottie
Author tanbark813 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Ok cool, it sounds like just a one-off misunderstanding then. You can't expect 22 year olds to be ultra-mature about everything, after all - there's gotta be some downside to dating a young hottie True dat.
Shygirl15 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Thanks Nicole. Tan will contact you in a minute..
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 One somewhat comforting aspect is that C recently moved out of state. Which means they'll be intouch through emails...
Author tanbark813 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Which means they'll be intouch through emails... Yeah, I already know they are. They're in touch via phone as well.
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