Jilly Bean Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Your gf is bisexual, jokes around with her ex-gf (publicly) about getting back together, you then get insecure and call her out on the ex-gf, and she then smacks you down with a pretty insensitive remark. Seems to me like she may be building a case to jump ship. Her comment back to you was pretty harsh, dismissive and invalidating. All things that would put most people instantly on more of a defensive. (But it's interesting to me that when I talk about (my) bi-cop, everyone assumes a male bi-sexual is really gay, but that female bi-sexuals are considered more straight. lol) Reality is, who knows where a bisexuals real allegiance and proclivities lie. Tan - your story has served as a good reminder for why I should stay away from bi-cop. It's one thing to assume competition from the same gender, but something else to have to worry about everyone. I'd be braced for the boot (or the Birkenstock - lol), TB.
Shygirl15 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Her comment back to you was pretty harsh, dismissive and invalidating. All things that would put most people instantly on more of a defensive. I thought so, too. It's one thing to assume competition from the same gender, but something else to have to worry about everyone. Very true. I don't know if you were fully aware of her bisexuality on not when going into the relationship but I do not think it was the best move getting involved with a bisexual in the first place.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 If that was their intention, the threesome would already have happened. Safe to say it is not necessary to have an elaborate setup when we're talking about 2 girls wanting to bone one guy at the same time. Very true. I'd be braced for the boot (or the Birkenstock - lol), TB. Our relationship up until now has been really solid. I'd be very surprised if she ended it all of a sudden.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Very true. I don't know if you were fully aware of her bisexuality on not when going into the relationship but I do not think it was the best move getting involved with a bisexual in the first place. Yes, I was aware of it. I overlooked it because, for whatever reason, I seem to attract bi girls a lot. Not sure what that says about me.
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Seems to me like she may be building a case to jump ship. I really have to agree.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 As for the driving, I'm betting you two would rather spend time at YOUR house rather than at her mommy and daddy's, right? Yeah, she has even said she prefers my place. But whenever she's upset suddenly she's this driving martyr. The fact that you're now getting, basically, the silent treatment sucks. I'd be thinking of jumping ship myself at this point after the way she has behaved. I didn't hear from her the rest of yesterday until about 10pm when she texted: "Goodnight." (We always text each other goodnight and good morning but it's usually, of course, much more chipper. ) I replied with "Night". No word this morning. I just sent a text saying, "Not sure why you're making this such a big deal. Also not sure why it's ok for you to exhibit jealousy but I get called insane for doing the same thing." Maybe not the wisest course of action but I'm not a very patient man and this whole silence thing is irritating and unnecessary.
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I just sent a text saying, "Not sure why you're making this such a big deal. Also not sure why it's ok for you to exhibit jealousy but I get called insane for doing the same thing." Maybe not the wisest course of action but I'm not a very patient man and this whole silence thing is irritating and unnecessary. Actually, I'm unclear why she doesn't understand why HER behavior IS a big deal. I really think the silence is a sign of pending doom. She may be tiring of the effort required to participate in the relationship, and is just looking for an excuse. Her behavior could have been a preplanned tool, in fact.
a4a Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Tan - Lesbians/bi chicks don't break up ever!!! They will be "friends" forever. google it.
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 google it. Yeah.. like googling Lesbians is going to get you the results you need Tan.. maybe you need a face to face with her.. stop sending out those text messages that can be taken so many ways.. even Passive Aggressive... I think you either need to leave this go or it will explode or you need to have a face to face and make up.. If you don't make up then you will at least know if she created the whole drama thing or not as just an excuse to do the premptive dump to get ready to get back with the ex... By the way.. Sorry you are having a go of it with her.. that sucks... The only "Real" advice I can give you is that you need to do what is right for you.. but don't let your thick skull get in the way doing it...
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 She's supposed to be attending my band's next gig tomorrow night but given how things are right now I'm assuming that's not going to happen. We'll see. The only "Real" advice I can give you is that you need to do what is right for you.. but don't let your thick skull get in the way doing it... I'm doing my best.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Yes, it was 3 years ago. Well, hopefully there's no 'feelings and chemistry' left between them. Anyway, if she really loves p*ssy, she's going to eventually switch teams again.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 No word this morning. I just sent a text saying, "Not sure why you're making this such a big deal. Also not sure why it's ok for you to exhibit jealousy but I get called insane for doing the same thing." You should definately say to her, "how would feel if I was close with one of my ex's and you saw us joking about about getting back to together again. And then I said what you said about insanity - I bet you'd react even WORSE than me!" Tan, shield your heart on this one..
melodymatters Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I'm glad things have been going so well up until this incident Tan ! i agree with you, that the hypocrisy is what would bother me most. I also HATE text messaing and would much prefer to have these conversations face to face. Have you yet broached the subject of her moving in with you ? Could her "driving martydom" ( funny as hell by the way !) be a way of hinting at that ?
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I also HATE text messaing and would much prefer to have these conversations face to face. At this point we're going to need to talk but in general I like text messaging. It gives me time to think through what I want to say. Have you yet broached the subject of her moving in with you ? Could her "driving martydom" ( funny as hell by the way !) be a way of hinting at that ? We haven't outright discussed it but she's dropped little hints here and there. But in my mind it's a little too early for that especially if she's going to be pulling shyt like this.
Shygirl15 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 All in all Tan, this incident should not be a reason to end the relationship. There's nothing major really, it can all be easily sorted out peacefully.
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 All in all Tan, this incident should not be a reason to end the relationship. There's nothing major really, it can all be easily sorted out peacefully. I totally agree...assuming she's amenable.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 All in all Tan, this incident should not be a reason to end the relationship. There's nothing major really, it can all be easily sorted out peacefully. Yeah, I agree.
a4a Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 We haven't outright discussed it but she's dropped little hints here and there. But in my mind it's a little too early for that especially if she's going to be pulling shyt like this. SMART!!! serious amount of disrespect here. Lack of empathy on her part fur shore. Bet she would be clawin your eyes out if you pulled that crap with an X.
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 All in all Tan, this incident should not be a reason to end the relationship. There's nothing major really, it can all be easily sorted out peacefully. I agree. You speak pretty highly of her and the relationship, all except for this one thing. I don't know all the specifics but does she make you happy?
Trialbyfire Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 The gender issue is moot here. She did something disrespectful and won't back down from it. I don't know if you also inflamed the issue and caused escalation. Tan, it's seriously time for a face-to-face. The longer you leave it, the more out of proportion it gets. There's too much pride talking on both sides and not enough caring.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I don't know all the specifics but does she make you happy? When she's not being crazy she does. Tan, it's seriously time for a face-to-face. The longer you leave it, the more out of proportion it gets. There's too much pride talking on both sides and not enough caring. She finally texted back saying that she's upset that I "won't compromise" and that I "always have to be right". I called her and asked what she meant. She claims that I'm self-centered and always have to be right. She apparently made a list of things she thought were wrong but didn't have it with her. She also couldn't give any specifics for what she claimed. She did apologize for the comments but told me I had "no reason to be jealous". I told her that I did have a reason and that I wasn't entirely comfortable with she situation. She asked what I wanted her to do and I reiterated that I wanted her to show a little more respect and consideration for the situation in the future. She basically agreed to that. She brought up the driving thing again though. She prefers to hang out at my place but doesn't like that she does all the driving. I told her that I do the bulk of the paying so I think it's a good trade-off. I told her she didn't have to drive out here as much if she didn't want to but then she complained that wouldn't see me as much. Well yeah, it's pretty much one or the other. She also said that she makes time to see me and all I have to do is sit at home. I reminded her that I put stuff on hold to make time for her so it's not like I do nothing. I have other stuff going on too. We got stuff off our respective chests but it's tough to make headway when she makes these general claims but has no specifics and no suggestions on how to do things differently or what to change. We did tell each other we loved the other though. I think the bigger issue is that she's working full time and going to school full time plus we live an hour apart and I'm pretty busy myself. I've already told her she's going to burn herself out if she doesn't cut back on her work hours.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I also offered to give her gas money to help her out and then she said I made her feel bad for being broke. Christ.. you just can't win with women.
Author tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I would be very, very careful about thinking of cohabitating with her until you've made sure this is just an anomaly and not her standard MO. Yes, you're right about that.
a4a Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I also offered to give her gas money to help her out and then she said I made her feel bad for being broke. Christ.. you just can't win with women. how old is she?
amaysngrace Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I think the bigger issue is that she's working full time and going to school full time plus we live an hour apart and I'm pretty busy myself. I've already told her she's going to burn herself out if she doesn't cut back on her work hours. I can relate to her. Sometimes when I finally get time to myself I don't want to see my BF too much because I'm happy just having time for me. Especially if I think my needs aren't being met by him lately then I think it's a little unfair of him to demand my time. And I don't want to give it. Maybe make plans to drive to her soon and spend some time around where she lives. And still pay.
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