candiix Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 So, I dumped my boyfriend three weeks ago because his partying was out of control. He was living at mine so I asked him to leave with all of his stuff, and he had to move in with his aunt. Since then he has not contacted me, but has replied politely on the two occasions I contacted him right at the start. Truthfully I never wanted it to end, things were good, the only issue was him going out partying and taking it too far (he wasn't cheating, that isn;t the problem). Today I completely broke my NC and texted him: "How are you?" He phoned me a few hours later. He was about to go into a spin class. He has joined the gym, gone back to his running club, and hasn't had a drink or a cigarette since the day I threw him out. I'm a bit gutted by this to be honest - NOT because he's doing good things for himself, I'm over the moon he is finally looking after himself. But it's like he's happier without me, and me being out of his life is a good thing, and he's not interested in being with me. Before you say it, I don't have any problems with alcohol or partying, I don't even smoke. What is going on in his head? I don't understand and now I feel worse.
CaliGuy Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 So did you discuss his behavior and try to work things out or did you just react and throw him out???? If you reacted and didn't discuss the issues that were bothering you then his behavior is commendable -- and he should find someone else who is a better communicator. If you did discuss things thoroughly with him and he didn't make an effort to change before you tossed him out, then maybe you can talk with him. Either way, good on him for getting his act together.
Drmnlyzr Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Ok, Here are my two cents. I think you should give him another chance..... if he does not have another girl in his life. How can I say this .... based on my own experience. Sometimes people take each other for granted and do whatever they please to (in ur case partying) regardless of how much talk/ nag/ yell is involved (just like we do with our parents because we know they will not go anywhere... another words we dont have a fear of loosing them). Ur bf has taked u for granted......which is wrong but this does not make him a bad person.... just that they need a little shaking ..... i believe ur bf have gone though the same thing. Now he is changing himself to a better person (and that he is leaving it visible for you that he is changing) that clearly states that he realized his mistake but in a hard way (on what u did with him---- some time we need to take harsh decision to make someone understand... its just a human nature). If he wanted to, he clearly would have ignored ur text.. but he called you back. believe me ... he has a reason to call you back that he realized his mistake. He is doing all right stuff now, not because u r not in his life, but because now he understands the real meaning of you.... (and believe me, men are not good with words .. but action so u need to understand his action). I had the similar situation in my life and he gave me a second chance after a harsh breakup. And after that we are better than ever, he respects me as a better person and I never took him granted (fingers crossed). If he is doing the right thing, and he is making everything visible to you then he needs u more than ever ....Good luck
Author candiix Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Thanks for the input. Yes I did discuss it with him before I finally threw him out. On a good few occasions I told him if he didn't sort it out then it would be over. We had a rocky few weeks in the lead up to me finally calling it off, which as Drm says was basically down to him taking me for granted. So last night I mentioned there is some mail here for him and he said why don't i come and pick it up tomorrow night. So at the moment, he is coming over tonight. Chances are he'll cancel before then, but if he does come over I will be so happy and tell him I hope we can work things out because even if we have to make some changes I don't want to lose him from my life. (But I bet he cancels and I will be even more miserable!!)
Author candiix Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Well I guess that's it. Not heard from him so he's not coming. So he never loved me.
Angel1111 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I don't know about whether he never loved you or not but I am always cautiously optimistic about people who make these 180 degree changes overnight. It's usually not permanent and I'm guessing that he's telling you about it so that you'll get pissed off, and start doubting what you did. Kind of like an 'in your face' kind of thing. As far as I'm concerned, if he didn't see the importance of getting his act together when he was with you, I'm not sure I get the importance of it now. Pretty lame, if you ask me. I think you probably did the right thing - he doesn't sound reliable and I doubt that the heavy partying will stop. I think you need to stop second-guessing yourself. You made the decision you did because he was being immature. So let him be immature. Doesn't mean you have to live with it.
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