Too many activities better than none?

[ThumbingMyWay]

Can anyone relate?

 

Seems like every night of the week we have something to do, either for the kids or for ourselves.

 

Scouts, Chior, soccer, flag football, tball practices and games, volenteer commitments, sunday school, wifes night school, pool leagues, etc...

 

 

Just when one season ends another starts. Sometimes I think I do too much with the kids. Too much pressure to do this and that. But on the other hand, it keeps them involved and around different groups of kids besides just school friends.

 

But when is it too much? I mean why cant they just come home from school and we can just hang out, which we NEVER get to do. Saturdays are packed with games and chores, Sundays with church and other things.

 

We never get a break. Just when one sports end, winter swim lessons will start, then basketball in Januray. Then spring comes and it starts all over again...with soccer and tball...then bam, its summer and another year gone

 

and dont even talk about summer. I think I had maybe 2 weekends that I didnt have at least one thing planned....

 

go go go....arrghhh

 

 

 

BUT, I know some families whos kids dont do anything but go on the computer or play video games. I dont want that either, I want to be involved as a family....but man....does it every end?

 

And they are only in grade school, what will happen once middle/HS starts????

 

Plus I have some guy friends who are always gone fishing or hunting always doing things for themselves. And I think, man you got 3 kids at home how do you get all this ME time!!!!!

 

My dad was one of those dads, always gone doing his things when I was a kid.

 

Maybe thats why I am so invloved, giving my kids what I didnt have?

[Geishawhelk]

Oh boy.

 

Just as your dad was largely absent, I read maybe you're over-compensating.

Which is good, in a way......

Your kids will look back on a time when their dad was always there rooting for them.

And that's such a good thing.

However, for it to be ten days after your 50th birthday - at your funeral, because you collapsed due to total burn-out and exhaustion, may not be sooo good....!

 

Tell me....do you know for sure that your kids really do want to do all this stuff?

Are they champing at the bit all the time, chivvying you to start the car dad, we'll be late?

Would it not be possible to schedule a bit of time out - for all of you?

 

Not the least of which, you could use to get close to your wife?

 

Just sayin'.....

[hotgurl]

I hear you my daughter plays a different sport every season. it is soccer now than basketball & skiing than track and baseball.

 

She practices 2-3 x times a week and has games in there too.

 

fortunatly there are rarley games on the weekends.

 

So we are more layed back usually we'll go for a hike or a bike to the movies something casual. as a family

 

in HS sports practice everyday and games on the weekends.

 

I find my daughter can be gone 4days a week after school but if it is 5 days it is too much for her. She is in 8th grade now.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Just as your dad was largely absent, I read maybe you're over-compensating.

 

I agree, that is part of it.

 

Tell me....do you know for sure that your kids really do want to do all this stuff?

Are they champing at the bit all the time, chivvying you to start the car dad, we'll be late?

 

My daughter loves chior and soccer and wants to try basketball. I can say she likes to do them all. Is she all gun-ho about it, not really, but more so than not. But she likes all her activites.

 

My Son, well, I had to prod him to try tball and he did it and liked it. Infact he was sick one time but still wanted to go to the practice. And he loved playing in the games. Football, I asked and asked and he said no, mostly because he said he didnt know how to play. I told him you try and do you best. The only reason he tried was because 2 other boys in his class were on the team. Now that he is playing, he does like it and looks forward to the games.

 

Scouts is the only thing that HE asked to do. So thats all his. But sometimes I think he just wanted the uniform so he can pretend to be Indiana Jones..LOL. BUT, then scout activities get in the way of him playing, he does have a fit. But he does that for anything, he has a selfish side to him. Hopefully scouts helps with that.

 

Chior, he dont like it. LOL. But its at church and its a good atmosphere for the kids. Our church has an awesome child ministry, so we try to keep them involved alot. And for the most part they love going to sunday school and what not. But chior, he dont like...maybe is a man thing..LOL. But I do catch him singing all the songs he learns, so he must like it some what

 

 

Would it not be possible to schedule a bit of time out - for all of you?

 

Nov and Dec there are no sports, just chior and scouts.

 

Not the least of which, you could use to get close to your wife?

 

my wife dont get alot of time together but we do plan at elast one date night a month. we need more though. She is done with school in March, so that will be a HUGE plus.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I could go on and on about this

 

i want to encourage my kids to try new things and make new friends. But I dont want to force them. But I dont want them to not try anything and be lazy and idle minded either.

 

I just dont want them to miss out...

 

 

 

hmmm...lots of "I"'s up there.....overcompensating....maybe I am?

[Trialbyfire]

I have friends like this who have no downtime from their kids activities. The kids are relatively happy, although they show signs of stress through overstimulation and have difficulty sometimes, focusing on one thing at a time. Their enjoyment of each activity is fleeting. Sometimes the kids even beg for a pyjama day at home, just sitting around and watching TV or reading quietly in their room.

 

Try not to overdo it. Believe it or not, your downtime and marriage matter too.

[Eve]

BUT, I know some families whos kids dont do anything but go on the computer or play video games. I dont want that either, I want to be involved as a family....but man....does it every end?

 

And they are only in grade school, what will happen once middle/HS starts????

 

If your children are happy then I see no harm. If they are showing signs of stress then you need to re-evaluate matters. If you are exhausted maybe you could get some help with all the shipping around which is needed? Personally, I think this is an age related issue and will sort itself out once the children decide what they do and dont like. I shipped my kids around for years in such a manner until they told me they werent interested in ANY of the activites I tried to introduce them to!! For me this happened very early and I used to feel as though I failed miserably but they each have simply preferred staying at home or being with their friends. In the end the focus shifted towards Hubby and I concentrating on each childs particular strength and each now pursues these interests only.. largely in their own way.

 

So, in total since your children are small I think that what you are experiencing is part and parcel of them finding what they enjoy/have a natural talent for. You are doing a grand job, which is so very precious! Putting a positive slant on you maybe overcompensating, maybe your drive to make things better because your Dad was in some ways absent will help you through this busy, experimental time? The only other thing I can suggest is that you allocate certain days/hours - whatever you can salvage as 'family time only' where there is no agenda and you all just do absolutely nothing unless yoo want to? Just let them be.

 

Try not to worry too much, things have a way of working themselves out. Our kids have many musical instruments, dance costumes and a whole host of other things tucked away in the loft but they found their own way eventually. They love going through the loft and remembering what they liked and hated about the various classes they have been to! All that matters is that you tell them how proud you are of them and be there when they decide to try new things. Anyhow things have been working out well for my four, for example, my eldest girl has always adored TV, DVDs, the theatre, radio etc and is going to study media in all its forms at University. Eldest boy was never interested in sports but loved techno gagets and now works in retail, where is an absolute star because he actually enjoys his job way too much! Youngest boy has always loved sports but is a science geek and is now studying sports from a health perspective. My youngest is on her way to being a model. I tried for years with every club in the book and each child got something different from the experiences I introduced them to but really they are very sociable people who simply wanted to have dinner at home and chill out with their friends! I took it hard at first but I think its all part of parenting..

 

I think you are doing really well!! All the best as you all work out whats necessary and what isnt.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I took it hard at first but I think its all part of parenting..

 

I have 2 fears...and they are catch 22.

 

If I dont advocate trying different things, they will resent me for not being there and giving them opps to try sports and what not. "Dad never took me to a ball game or took me fishing"....

 

If I do too much, they will resent me for making them DO everything when they didnt want to. "Dad always made me go to chior and I hated it"

 

 

I dunno...I think your onto somehting Eve....they are quite young yet and we have many years to go....just give them a push and follow there lead maybe...

 

I just know that when I was young....I stopped all sports by 9th grade....parents didnt push me to do anything. I got caught up with the party crowd. I wasnt a trouble maker, but I know I limited myself.

 

I wish I could go back and try different things....I dont want my kids miss out like I did....

[Eve]

I just know that when I was young....I stopped all sports by 9th grade....parents didnt push me to do anything. I got caught up with the party crowd. I wasnt a trouble maker, but I know I limited myself.

 

I wish I could go back and try different things....I dont want my kids miss out like I did....

 

I know what you mean regarding looking at ones life and thinking 'if only'. I got involved in every activity going when I was a child because I was in Foster Care and anything was better than 'home' I had to take a step back when I had my own children and let them develop their own interests and not consider my own path too deeply. THIS IS SO HARD!!! Especially with regard to my TV and Media loving daughter. That girl has rarely even left the house since she was born! But is achieving distinctions in her chosen field becausse she seems to have a natural talent for scriptwriting and photography and camera work. So our main activity together has been that we watch DVDs, go to different types of cinemas, the theatre etc. My youngest daughter is a very talented student but is a complete girly girl and is only interested in fashion. She just likes shopping and hanging out looking great all the time. The boys absolutely adore their Dad and they watch wrestling together and have specific roles in the family such as the eldest is in charge of everything technical/anything to do with cars in the house. The youngest knows everything there is to know about the human body and is the voice of wisdom on anything health related. So, essentially I think that knowing your children as individuals is really important. Probably more important than anything else. I think it is important to do things with our children on their own as well as part of the family group.

 

I also think that you having things which interest you as a person is a massive pivot in itself. For example I have always been studying something or the other whilst raising the children and this has profoundly influenced them. At the time I had no idea how much.. As Parents I feel it is our duty to help our children begin sustain and finish things but things dont always run smoothly but this is what they need at the core of their being. What interests you have are highly influential also and can help them to sustain interests in their own activities. So take up interests! Make sure that you are happy because Parenting is no easy job. Make sure that you have a plan for yourself in amongst raising the children.

 

My eldest daughter regrets not continuing with her learning of the French language (she was VERY VERY good at French aged 14) but gave it up to do something else. I did not like her decision at the time but reasoned that at least if she ever did return to learning French it would be because she wants to and not out of force. Her interest was really stirred after visiting Paris a few times - now she wants to live there in order to learn the language proper. What I am saying is that we cant control everything. I think that we just have to have a very basic focus and oodles of attentiveness and they find their own way. BUT we must look after ourselves in the interim because I know it is often said that children grow up quickly but they really do!!! Its not even funny how fast time goes.

 

So, go and do whatever you need to do in order to fulfil the parts of you that you feel is somehow wanting. Listen to what your children are saying but help them to begin, sustain and finish things and it will all work out... and pray for them and yourself.

 

There is a time coming when your lovely children are going to question and challenge every single thing you have taught them. How you listen to them now will greatly affect how long this period of questioning lasts.. make sure that you really know who your children are and they know you.

 

All the best,

Eve xx

[Eve]

Not that I want to engage with you negatively but what does your post have to do with the question posed? Is not answering the question at hand the essence of academia? If you want to discuss things at a higher level I would be MORE than interested but ... please... Lets be aware that someone has posted a question with a real intent for understandable advice/empathy. I see neither of these qualities in your response..

[amaysngrace]

I feel your pain. I am so tired since school began running back and forth here and there and everywhere. Sometimes I feel like a ping-pong ball. I have two kids, ten and eleven, and they both do soccer and their games are on the same day at the same time until the last three games. Then they play one early game one late game. I can't wait for then. Of course they play on different fields too. Their practices are at least on different weeknights though.

 

He does karate three times a week. She has choir and yearbook. They both do CCD religious ed. but on different days as well. It's rough to say the least. Last weekend they had a four-day break for Columbus Day and we mostly stayed in, played video games, carved pumpkins and baked cookies.

 

I mostly just strive for balance with them. I don't want them overloaded but I don't want them bored either. But I always make sure that they really want to do the activities they're involved with. I don't force anything on them, well except religious ed.

 

It is a juggling act sometimes. But all in all I think it's good to teach them the importance of commitment, punctuality and multi-tasking. Especially when it's what they choose to do.

 

Still I'd rather it be summer and we were at the beach...

[annieo]

Have you ever asked your kids if they enjoy all of these activities? Do they ever whine about going out to this, that or the other?

 

I have tried to have at least one thing on the go (swimming lessons right now, which they hate, but I think it's important) and have tried other stuff in the past (soccer, music lessons, ballet), but they really just aren't into it, and I don't want to foist anything on them. It's supposed to be fun, right?

 

Plus, you have your need for discretionary time to take care of. Maybe you could pare it down a little, give up one activity for now, to carve out more time to just hang out together as a family. Those unstructured hours are important, too.

[blind_otter]

My son is just a babe, so the only thing I'm going on is my own past - I had something to do every day after school, various clubs, ballet, piano and voice lessons, and after school enrichment so I could get ahead in my classes. I wish I had had more unstructured time, to be honest. I feel like I got to know myself better when I was in college and I forcibly took time to just hang out and be alone and draw, read, paint, write.

 

To be honest with you - I didn't even know what I liked to do in my spare time until I was 19 or 20 - prior to that, I rarely had spare time.

 

I also just read an article in the July/August issue of mothering magazine about the importance of unstructured playtime in cognitive development of young children.

[GPFan]

But when is it too much? I mean why cant they just come home from school and we can just hang out, which we NEVER get to do. Saturdays are packed with games and chores, Sundays with church and other things.

The fact you are asking when is it too much reveals that there may well be overload and you are feeling the effects.

 

Unstructured time is very important to overall well-being. Constant go-go-go is stressful and unstructured time allows us to unwind and refresh.

 

Perhaps it is time to sit down as a family and decide which activities can be eliminated.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Do you and your wife both go to all the activities? I know you probably go when she is at school or studying, but is there one evening a week where she can handle the activities and give you a night off? Or alternate Saturday activities?

 

My exH and I alternate this way and it works really well, same as if we were still married, we would take turns driving the kids around. Anything major like a game or concert we both still try to attend.

 

I am involved in my own activities that take me away almost every weekend and some week nights, and we have to change up our schedule, but still end up having "me" time.

 

Are there grandparents around who can help out as well?

[Meaplus3]

Can anyone relate?

 

Seems like every night of the week we have something to do, either for the kids or for ourselves.

 

Scouts, Chior, soccer, flag football, tball practices and games, volenteer commitments, sunday school, wifes night school, pool leagues, etc...

 

 

Just when one season ends another starts. Sometimes I think I do too much with the kids. Too much pressure to do this and that. But on the other hand, it keeps them involved and around different groups of kids besides just school friends.

 

But when is it too much? I mean why cant they just come home from school and we can just hang out, which we NEVER get to do. Saturdays are packed with games and chores, Sundays with church and other things.

 

We never get a break. Just when one sports end, winter swim lessons will start, then basketball in Januray. Then spring comes and it starts all over again...with soccer and tball...then bam, its summer and another year gone

 

and dont even talk about summer. I think I had maybe 2 weekends that I didnt have at least one thing planned....

 

go go go....arrghhh

 

 

 

BUT, I know some families whos kids dont do anything but go on the computer or play video games. I dont want that either, I want to be involved as a family....but man....does it every end?

 

And they are only in grade school, what will happen once middle/HS starts????

 

Plus I have some guy friends who are always gone fishing or hunting always doing things for themselves. And I think, man you got 3 kids at home how do you get all this ME time!!!!!

 

My dad was one of those dads, always gone doing his things when I was a kid.

 

Maybe thats why I am so invloved, giving my kids what I didnt have?

 

I think it's fantastic that your children are involved in many activities..It's a great way to build social skills. My children are also involved in a ton of things. My Daughter takes ballet, tap, piano lessons and swimming. My boys both attend swim classes and my oldest plays basketball and baseball. What I have learned from this is that it also provides the child with a way to pick what truely what interests thems. Yes.. it may be a busy way of life, but IMO very worth it, as long as it does not get in the way of the childs homework and rest. Video games.. and T.V...IMO just garbage for the most part.

 

AP:)