Dominique Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Okay. Let me play Devil's Advocate... Let us say she interprets your not calling back as your still being hurt, miffed, venting, in pain. She could of course assume you are indifferent and hence her fear to call again. But if she is as shallow as her actions thus far have shown her to be, she might simply think, "He is too hurt to return the call. So I still have him". Now, you might say, as many here, So what, too bad, her loss. Very well. But you could call--and not lose face as I said before--and be very business like. Very matter of fact. As if you are squeezing her call in between that of your stock broker () and your hot date later that night ( :laugh:). This way you could gauge what she is saying and let her do all the talking, coughing, umm-ing and err-ing and your waiting patiently on the other end. Why do this at all? You might need to kill-the-beast within. You have a love-hate inner conflict and it is going to eat away at you. Speaking to her could confirm your a) dislike or b) her true remorse. Many relationships are head-games, I agree. They do not have to be. Nor is it true that all relatioships must be terminal. Some last a lifetime. I am just wondering if you continue to be the class act you are by ridding yourself of this wondering, acting very detached on the phone, and getting her own psyche a bit topsy turvey as a result of your maturity. By the way, were she calling to tell you she has this "hot guy" and that she is "totally happy" that is tasteless in the extreme--and a lie by the way. No one calls an ex to say "Oh, hello I just wanted to tell you I am really really happy" unless deep down inside they are utterly miserable. Now, you know that.... DOM
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 Thank for all your insights and it is eating away at me. Here's the thing: I have never done the NC thing before, I have never tried to be this strong. I have always folded and been a dishrag for the lover who screwed me over. Dom, this girl hurt me more than anything. seriously. Talking to her will probably make me feel like a doormat.
Dominique Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Okay, then. Your gut instincts are strong about this so follow them, not any other advice. Always the way to go... And from here on in, Sys, no more Mr. Dishrag. You can adore a woman (the right one) without having to lose your self-worth. And after this experience, you will... DOM
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 I went out with a bunch of friends last night. One of them is close with my EX. She said that my ex was "planning on calling me". I guess it wasn't about some garbage she actually wanted to talk. I told the mutual friend I didn't answer and she said she was proud of me for being strong and that I am doing great. I told the mutual friend I still miss my ex alot and it would be hard to talk to her. That was it. I didn't get all sentimental or cheesy in hopes the mutual friend would relay my undying love! I just said I missed her. It was short and sweet and it was the first time I hadn't really looked like a total doormat in front of mutual friends. MOnths ago they saw me deeply depressed and it was ALL I could focus on! My ex will be at thanksgiving with a bunch of mutual friends.....Everyone invited me.........should I go?..............
Dominique Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 You will be noticed more if you do not go. Find another party. Do not go to this one. You will look like superman if you do not.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 You are right dom. I don't need to be thier...or talk with her. I got dumped.......and made to look a fool. Now she wants me as a friend...........a friend. Its like me being a manager at a business and my partner asking me if I wanted to be the new job title "toilet cleaner". I don't. Her personality is great/ her sense of humor is great/ But thier are other personalities and other senses or humor. Other people who can have fun. Other people who enjoy music. Thier are other fish swimming in the sea. The holidays will be hard without her, but I will be ok. I know she will miss me. We have had some really great times. That was then and this is now. Now she just wants to give me table scraps of affection, and act as if I don't exist. SELFISH. I have almost gone one month NC. It feels huge. I don't need to be at thanksgiving dinner with her smiling and joking. She gave up "having a good time" with me when she dumped me flat on my a**.
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