morethanyouthink Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I'm 21 years old, in college working 2 jobs, living in my own overpriced apartment, and I'm absolutely horrible at dating. i was in a long term relationship that i got out of less than a year ago so I'm very rusty, not to mention I'm young so a lot of learning that should have taken place, hasn't yet. I've been told several times I'm attractive, been hit on a lot, and i always get attention from guys whether I'm out with friends or at work. I'm extremely shy, and I'm insecure when it comes to my appearance although i know by now, i shouldn't be. I think it's just from being the ugly duckling when i was younger. I have a few guys I'm interested in. i want a relationship, but the options i have available i don't want to be with... and i have no idea why. conveniently, the one i want to be with, doesn't seem to want me. The Guy I Want: I met this guy at one of my jobs. He's 26, lives with his parents, has a 21 yr old ex gf that treats him like **** who he somehow hangs on to. I don't know a single person who doesn't like him. he has a way of talking to girls that they can't resist... seriously. He's also got a lot of qualities I'm attracted to: 1) he's Italian (100% straight from Italy, only 6 years ago. i have no idea what it is with me and Italians, I'm not even Italian but i LOVE Italians) 2) he's laid back 3) he's got a great sense of humor, he can make me laugh over and over again 4) he speaks fluent Italian (i don't even have to know what he's saying for it to completely melt me) 5) he comes across as very caring and easy to talk to. 6) The people I've talked to about him have said he's a great guy, and all he needs is a great girl. 7) we have a lot in common 8) he has dark hair, dark eyes I remember seeing him within the first few days of working and he'd always joke with me a little, and right away i liked him. I had only worked there about a month and he somehow got my number (i really don't remember how), and i started hanging out with him every now and then. it took a while for me to hang out with him, he came to my house, then after that i went to his. I was standoffish, and still am. somehow, i REALLY like him. it's one of those i like him and i really wish i knew why i like him THIS much. We've been talking for about 5 months now. this is really soon for me to like someone the way i like him, and it's kind of freaking me out/causing me to make cloudy decisions. anyway, about the 5th time i hung out with him alone in his house, we had sex. That was only about 3 months of knowing him. That would be the worst and most clouded decision I've made. BIG NO NO, yes i know. now i like him even more because I'm the type of person that holds that highly so obviously I'm going to be more emotionally attached because of it. we aren't even together, it eats me up. there has been a huge sexual attraction towards him since I've met him, that too i can't really explain. he's cute, but not hot ya know? right after we started that, he flirted with a manager in training ridiculously in front of me. that about made me want to put both of them in a headlock. thankfully she's been shipped off to work somewhere else. before we even had sex i told him i was very protective of people i have sex with so it was a bad idea since we weren't even together because he kept making clear advances. after acting very awkward in front of him every time i saw him at work, I told him that the situation was bothering me because what happened was severely fast for me, and i didn't want him to just think about me like that. i didn't bother mentioning i wanted to punch him for being rude enough to flirt with someone immensely in front of me. he, of course, made me feel better by saying he thinks I'm a great girl, and would never think of me any less because what we did. He invites me over every now and then still, and we hadn't messed around much after we talked about that. I also tried to get him to come over twice, and he had excuses... for some reason he rather me go to his house. this confuses me a lot. so i decided to decline his invitation like he did to me, and he didn't take to this very kindly. he said oh i see how it is, and began to guilt trip me after i told him i was already in bed, and had class early.... since i already wanted to see him as opposed to sleep i said ok I'll stop by for a little while.... now I've decided to not contact him whatsoever because i feel like I'm pursuing him too much. I've also shown interest in another guy at work since i haven't tried that one yet, and he doesn't show any interest in having a relationship with me. I'm kind of scared this might drive him away a little, but i think I've been making myself too available for him. i haven't brought up being in a relationship, because I'm scared it might freak him out a little. I've heard he stands up for me a lot at work when I'm not there i catch him smiling at me from time to time I've made it known that i like him by attempting to spend time with him which is something i don't normally do, I'm usually the pursued not the because I've never had enough confidence to go after someone before. so what do i do? do i wait for him to call? if he does which I'm sure he will, do i make myself available, or tell him maybe some other time? how should i be around him at work? should i give this other guy at work a chance? i really have no idea as you can tell I'm lost. suggestions would be wonderful. i need someone elses opinion, but i feel too pathetic to even ask my friends about it.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 He sounds like a bit of a player to me
Author morethanyouthink Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 yea i know, BUT there's got to be some way i can get to him right?
Geishawhelk Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 No. If there was, it would have happened already. Being a player, he would have made a bee-line for you. You'd know it. he's Italian? Biggest chauvinists on the planet. They truly believe they're God's gifts to women. (OK. maybe I'm generalising and firing off like a loose cannon.........but) I'm Italian too. So I'd know. Incidentally, Italian girls have an excellent way of 'trapping' their men. They get pregnant.
Author morethanyouthink Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 well that's not going to happen, and he seems like a great guy but i wouldn't say gods gift to women. if he was a player it seems like he'd be talking to other girls, but other than his ex gf he hadn't been... and i think he kind of cut it off with her. it also seems like he's a little too mature to be doing to whole player thing. i'm just not going to contact him, and refuse his next offer to hang out. it worked last time. and there's always a way, he's not my 1st italian guy i've delt with. the others were the same way, and ended up coming after me in the end. maybe he just needs a challenge! who knows? thanks guys.
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