KellyGirl2068 Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 BelleBonita....you seem to seek someone to say "do it"..."you feel it so it must be right".... but, it seems most realize the fire you are playing with. I am the OW...have been for nearly 2 years... and have only just begun the process of peeling the band aids (his lies) off of a very ugly wound (my broken heart). I, too, believed in all that he said...to start with the "unhappy marriage". I, in fact, left a dull marriage for the excitement of him. And it's been two fun years while I've run with blinders on to the obvious. He has a home with his wife. He goes to his son's soccer games and has holidays with her. He is always living under a veil of lies when he is with me. He has told me I'm his soul mate and he intends to be with me in the end... yet, when the oppurtunity arises to make a change he stays where he is. This is, by far, the single most painful awakening I have ever had. I fell in love with a vision.... not a real man. I've wasted 22 months of my life.... that I can never take back. Think about your original post: your dad cheated twice and is still with your mom. What will make your situation any different? We can only believe what they tell us... and what they tell us is usually half of what is true. If he will lie to his wife he most definetely has it in him to lie to you too. Don't do this.... run as fast as you can. Or chances are quite good that you will end up empty handed and broken hearted. Why waste your valuable time on this? In opting into this mess you set your own self value quite low. Don't do it.
norajane Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 If your feelings are so strong, then they will last until he gets a divorce. End your affair until he does that and you can really start a relationship based on a solid foundation and open possibilities. I say that for YOU. There really is nothing worse than watching the man you love go home to his wife after being with you. And as long as he's going home to his wife, you are NOT his priority...whereas he IS your priority. That kind of unbalanced relationship will hurt you more than you've ever been hurt in your life. Continue with this affair, and 6 months from now, you'll feel so trapped and miserable (kinda like you feel now, but 6 months worse). Face it - by being his emotional and physical escape, you are a crutch he is using that allows him to stay in his dysfunctional marriage even longer. Take away his pain medication, and he might be forced to find the source of the pain and do something to remove it. Keep medicating him, and the pain stays bearable and manageable. Do you really want to be his marital morphine? How do you stop having feelings? You have to ACCEPT that those feelings are not leading you to goodness, but to pain. You have to RESOLVE not to do anything that will allow those feelings to grow. And you have to actually STOP doing things, like seeing him alone, like having personal discussions, like having sex with him, like sneaking kisses, like that "friendship" that keeps him front and center in your thoughts, like imagining him divorced and with you. You are rebounding after your failed relationship, and he is the first guy who made you feel alive again. He won't be the last, so don't make him the focus of your life. Your feelings will ebb if you don't give them free reign and don't feed them constantly.
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