cutegirl Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I have a friend who is 31 but she's in school now and almost out (this is her last semester) so she is broke and low on money I guess. She still lives at home so after work she always comes over to my house or her other friends or cousins etc.... Is it just me or is it extremely cheap and mental to eat at other people's houses just because you are too cheap to buy your own food? When I used to eat at her house she never cooked but her MOTHER did and she would feed me the food her mother made, but when she comes to MY house, even if I make something like a salad, I am the one who puts it on a plate, I am the one who cuts the tomatoes, etc etc. The most she did was heat up some noodles or soup her mother made... Obviously everytime she comes she expects to be fed. So one time I got annoyed and said "I don't want to hang today because I don't feel like cooking" and then she got offended and claimed that I was implying that she only came over there for food and reminds me she has 10 other people's houses she could be going to but she CHOSE to spend time with me because she likes me. Whatever. So today she felt like eating a burger but I didn't feel like it so I was going to drive here there so she can get it for herself and I was going to eat something else. I felt resentful though because I had to inconvenience myself because SHE wanted a burger and she didn't even want to pay for it herself! It's less than $2! She claims that I was giving her a hard time, which I probably was and bitching at her... And then she says that she is broke so that's why she goes to eat at other people's houses like her cousins etc because she wants to save money... I guess she assumed that I would have food when she came over but when I didnt and she wanted burgers she was hoping I would want burgers too and then treat both of us... It's just annoying to be friends with someone that broke and always mooching. She claims that none of her other friends or cousins complain about it and that they are always happy to feed her and that I am the super stingy one because I make good money but I always complain about her eating my food etc... I have never heard of anyone so broke and cheap before in my life and it's just so annoying. And even tho she is so broke she tells me that she goes out on dates she offers to pay for the guy because she doesn't want anything from them etc... Wants to be perceived as independent etc but then doesn't have money to buy her own burger when she's with me... wtf It is true that I am mean as well, for example if I feed her salmon I will keep on reminding her how much it costs and keep saying it over and over etc because I'm irritated inside I guess. I do take it out on her and make her feel unwelcome too at times.
Mary3 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 She * chooses * to pick your house because she can be fed there ? She needs to pitch in when she is at your house. Either bring some small item like bread or salad and she offer to cook dinner for both of you. Poor is poor. You accept her poorness but put your foot down and tell her you want help cooking in the kitchen.
Kamille Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I'm 32, a student, and I can manage to pay for my own food. I even manage to invite friends over. Granted, I always appreciate it when friends invite me out to dinner and pay for me but I sure as hell don't expect it. She's cheap. I don't know what advice to give you. She is rude.
Author cutegirl Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 She * chooses * to pick your house because she can be fed there ? She needs to pitch in when she is at your house. Either bring some small item like bread or salad and she offer to cook dinner for both of you. Poor is poor. You accept her poorness but put your foot down and tell her you want help cooking in the kitchen. No, she claims that she doesn't pick my house because she can be fed there. She always makes a point to stress it to me that she comes here because she likes it and that she has MANY OTHER OPTIONS where the people are more than HAPPY to play hostess and cook for her etc but that she chose to come over to my place because she wants to. She is not going to bring anything over, she's not domesticated and cheap. Too cheap to buy her own burger, she's not going to buy anything. She told me I can order her around tho, like tell her to wash dishes or help clean up the house. She says that's how she repays people...
Author cutegirl Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I'm 32, a student, and I can manage to pay for my own food. I even manage to invite friends over. Granted, I always appreciate it when friends invite me out to dinner and pay for me but I sure as hell don't expect it. She's cheap. I don't know what advice to give you. She is rude. I know she's cheap already, she borrowed money from me to buy a shirt that cost like $120 a while ago (which she paid back) but doesn't have $2 money for food... And she tells me when she goes out with guys she pays for their food too so she can look "cool" and "independent", like me (because I tell her that's how I would roll). I think she would splurge on thinks like clothes etc because her vanity knows NO BOUNDS but when it comes to practical things like food she knows she has at least 6-7 people who are happy to have her freeload. Some of these people are her cousins so they don't mind at all. I am not her family though so it's different. She's the type to spend it for a guy or for something to make her look better like clothes, makeup etc but freeloads food. I have to admit she doesn't spend nearly as much as I do on clothes and makeup, I spend like 50x more. I am not broke tho and I dont freeload.
curiousnycgirl Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 As with all things in life, you need to figure out if the pros outweight the cons. This situation is no differernt. There must be a reason you guys are friends, whether it's shared history, or shared interests, whatever - there are good things. At this point it sounds like the con of her not having money and being a mooch is outweighing the good. Rather that allow the situation to continue - simply tell her you feel taken advantage of and cannot continue this friendship. Recognize however that after you say that, it is over. So whatever benefits you get from the friendship with her will also stop. If you are comfortable with that - then why not just say it and be done? Why perpetuate the animosity?
Mary3 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Cheap people have a HARD time parting with their own money. They have NO problem indulging in YOUR money , or in this case , your food. You could kick her to the curb or hand her a dish towel and have her start washing dishes.......... Nobody in this life rides for FREE. No way. No How....
Author cutegirl Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 Ok, I have to admit that I may have contributed to it because a lot of times I do offer to pay and insist on paying and sometimes she asks me to pay so it's 50/50 and I do always keep tabs and bring it up sometimes and throw it in her face... I remember all the stuff I have to pay and I will bring it up sometimes when I'm irritable and throw it in her face... What happened the other day is that my friend was the one who sensed that I was getting really annoyed about the burger thing... I was saying : "Oh, so you are going to pay for your own burger?" etc bringing it up on purpose when I knew she thought I was going to pay for some reason... So then my friend said it's not my obligation to pay for her and that it was not my problem to pay for her and that was the reason why she wanted to go home... because she DIDNT want me to pay. So then I got even more irritated and I was like "FINE, I will pay for your burger... We are already here... I can't back out my car now"... but my friend was insisting I drop her off so she could go home... she said she was going to go home because her cousin had pasta and was begging her to come over and she said it's not my obligation to feed her... So my friend is bipolar... she says she doesn't expect me to feed her and that it's not my problem to feed her... but when she comes over she does (I think) expect to have something to eat... Cause if I dont feed her she will go somewhere else where she does get fed...
Mary3 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 While you are not obligated in any way to feed your friend , there surely must be something about her that you like ? You care about her enough to offer her half your sandwich , (if need be). Close friends you would break bread for.. If she is truly suffering and must depend on friends for meals , she must surely try to do things back , like clean your bathroom or clean the kitchen , some non~ monetary return for feeding her.. I am sure she is getting embarassed now about this. I would either break bread with her or tell her you won't be feeding her anymore. If you truly care and this is just a rough spot and not abuse of friends...then keep helping her if you can.
melodymatters Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Oh my goodness, it's FOOD ! Things are SO rough for me right now, but I will NEVER be stingy on giving a friend a meal. Here, we all share, no matter how little we have and we certainly don't throw it in our "supposed" friends faces. Eww. I'd rather go to a food pantry than take the demeaning insults that you seem to enjoy dishing out to your "friend". Just another opinion, from someone who values being a kind girl, over a "cutegirl".
Author cutegirl Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Oh my goodness, it's FOOD ! Things are SO rough for me right now, but I will NEVER be stingy on giving a friend a meal. Here, we all share, no matter how little we have and we certainly don't throw it in our "supposed" friends faces. Eww. I'd rather go to a food pantry than take the demeaning insults that you seem to enjoy dishing out to your "friend". Just another opinion, from someone who values being a kind girl, over a "cutegirl". It's hard to not be resentful and hard not to keep tabs, I don't do it on purpose but I can't help but keep tabs. My friend is a hypocrite because she says she always wants it 50/50, for example if she is in a relationship she wants to split the bills or dining out 50/50 but then she doesn't do the same with her friends! I think she's a perpetrator, she tries hard to look cool by saying things like that, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty she can't even buy her own food. I find it pathetic. I am not her mother, I don't see why it's my problem to feed her... If she went out with her guy she would probably pay her share to "show him" she can hold her own and look "cool" like she's an independent woman while with her own friends she is broke as hell and cannot even buy her own food. I think she CAN buy her own food, I think she is just CHEAP because she spends money on other stuff. She bragged how when she went on these dates she payed her own way etc but then when she's with friends she doesn't? I think she's pathetic. If she is so broke why did she buy $100 dresses a couple of months ago? She was making the same amount of money back then btw... Is it because of her vanity? Save money on food so she can buy clothes? I think her priorities are all sorts of F'ed up. Once asked to borrow money to buy some makeup, wanted to buy the same brand/colors I was wearing. Why the hell buy expensive makeup when you can't even feed yourself?
milkshake Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 you have got to be joking!!!! i hate people who scrub money! tell her to get a part time job like the rest of us students!!!! i once bot a "friend" a really nice birthday gift and for my birthday she gave me a collection of crap that she's got from her house and wrapped up... u deserve better! stop being a pushover and demand the respect u deserve! x
carhill Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 If she is so broke why did she buy $100 dresses a couple of months ago? She was making the same amount of money back then btw... Is it because of her vanity? Save money on food so she can buy clothes? Beware of people who put their money where it "shows", especially when it is at your expense. I especially despise people who attempt to con me with something of little value in trade for something of great value, like my professional skills. Scum of the earth, they are I was reading through the post and figured I'd get to the quoted passage eventually, and I was rewarded. Reward yourself and find some other friends
vintagecat Posted November 2, 2008 Posted November 2, 2008 Your "friend" is a user and a mooch. She won't change her behavior toward you unless you tell her to. Before she comes over tell her she needs to bring a loaf of bread, a salad, dessert or something else to add to whatever meal you might be making. Anyone that can buy a $120 shirt can buy a 99 cent loaf of bread or a $2 box of brownies. When she's there, give her chores to help out with getting the table set, cutting vegetables etc. You will be doing both yourself and your friend a service. Teach her how to be a good and welcome guest as apparently she doesn't know how to be one. Stand up for yourself in a direct and open way rather than keeping score and then later in a very passive aggressive mode, throwing it in her face whenever she has you seething for the unevenness of your arrangement. Don't let her manipulate you into doing the things that she wants to do that will make you angry and resentful like the hamburger trip. Tell her what is bothering you. Tell her that you would like to be on the receiving end of a home cooked meal once in a while that isn't leftovers from her mother's meals. If your friend is functional enough to attend and graduate an institute of higher education, these standards of reciprocity and generosity are not too much to ask of an adult (allegedly) woman friend. If after this direct approach, this woman still can't or more likely won't give enough in either tangible or non-tangible ways to make your friendship a more balanced relationship, I'd suggest seeing her much less often. Let her impose on her "many other options" which I guarantee will dwindle over time given this description of her character. There is a better than fair chance that after this woman graduates that she won't be any more giving or willing to reciprocate which will chafe you all the more given her changed circumstances. Deal with it now. FWIW, I've been so poor at one point in my life many years ago that I (and my cat) ate a case of canned green beans and tuna for the better part of a month to keep the lights and heat on but I still chipped in when it came to entertainment, what little I accepted, due to lack of disposable funds. It's just a matter of being raised well and being a generous, thoughtful and considerate person which apparently your friend is not. Her poverty is no excuse for imposing on others. Best of luck to you.
Gondy Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Im in the same Dilema, Is there any PM feature on this board. CuteGirl are you still friends with that leech?
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