ashleypaige246 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 So...If your not willing to read this long thread I'm sorry but it's the only way anyone will ever grasp the situation at hand... And this is a very breif account of the complicated relationship im currently in. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. When we first started dating it was perfect... In fact I was the one that was reluctant to start a relationship, but he was all for it. He gave me gifts constantly, took me amazing places, was very attentive, caring, etc. I truly thought he was the one. Everyone in my inner circle of friends didn't really approve of him at first saying that I was too pretty for him or that he wasn't really going anywhere in life since he was 20 still living at home and not going to college or anything. However, I didn't care what they had to say and continued with the relationship. Everything was great for about a year, that is when he first broke up with me for what seemed to be no reason at all. Shortly after he told me he made a mistake and wanted me back, so I agreed and we continued dating. Since then it always seemed like he had the upper hand in the relationship. Sometimes i felt like I was walking on egg shells with him. I was constantly the one that wanted to spend time with him, while he was too "busy" even though he had very little obligations. Anyways he kept changing his mind periodically and would break up with me for a short period of time, but every time I would be there when he wanted to get back together. (The longest we went without speaking was a few weeks) Finally after some time, I realized he was not treating me the way I wanted to be treated and I broke up with him. Following this period he was finally making an effort... although he acted very immaturely about the whole break up. (For 2 months he was showing up at the same parties as me, following me around, acting very overprotective and crazy) but we worked it out and got back together (yes, again.) Anyways now in my current situation he has become much more responsible, but it seems he is emotionally unavailable once again. We both go to school and work, but he is usally too tired or too busy to see me. Furthermore, he does absolutely nothing to show me that he cares. No romance whatsoever anymore. Sometimes I feel like were just friends seeing as we talk on the phone every night but rarely see each other. (We live 5 mins away from each other) I know we're both young and we are each others first love, but is this relationship doomed? I don't even know what to do anymore... Do you think we need a good clean break? Just move on? or what? I've given up a lot for this relationship: sometimes I wish I could remember what I use to be like. Help?? Any advice is great
daisydo Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I've given up a lot for this relationship: sometimes I wish I could remember what I use to be like. I think you might have summed it up for yourself right there. You might have lost yourself in this relationship.. It sounds like all these back and forth break-ups are a lot of mind games.. It sounds like he's trying to control you to a certain extent.. and his behavior when you did break up with him (falling you around, etc) highlights the controlling behaviors that are going on here. 4 years is definitely a long time.. I can't tell you that you need to break up with him.. but if you are unhappy it is with good reason. I would take a look at yourself and assess your needs independent of him. What makes you happy? What are your goals? Then you can consider whether or not he fits into those goals and your happiness. Ask him if he wants to go to counseling with you. Gauge his reaction.. Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who isn't willing to put forth a little effort into fixing the relationship? If he says yes - then consider that he is willing to put forth effort into the relationship. Right now it just sounds like a bunch of mind games.. and that can't be healthy for anyone involved.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I've given up a lot for this relationship: sometimes I wish I could remember what I use to be like. Your post wasn't that long, so no worries ! I think that quote, right there, says it all. You shouldn't be giving up a TON in a relationship, and losing ground of who you are, or who you want to be. I definately think a big clean break would be awesome for you right now. You could figure out what kinda girl you wanna be, be single and sexy and have a great time doing it! It sounds kinda like your relationship has run its course... but is a clean break possible? I don't know if I believe in "clean breaks", but I think breaking up now is a good idea. Its time for you to move on, and find happiness in your life, and find a new guy that, much like your current 4 year man, will make you happy upon meeting him. First relationships are always special, and I think thats why they sometimes drag on unnecessarily long - if its a first serious relationship for each person. That happened with me and my ex and well, I'm in a lot of pain, I won't lie. The breakup has been tough, but each day I remember how frickin' happy I am to be SINGLE after spending so much time being with someone. I'm not dependent on him anymore! Its both frightening and liberating... I think you should try it out. Its gonna hurt at first, and be rough, but trust me, you'll be happier in the end!
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