Upset and lost

[dont know anything]

Hi, my name is Melissa I'm married to a wonderful, amazing man named Dominic. We've been married for three years and been together for 8. We have a 13 month old daughter named Gracie. Six months ago, Dominic had an affair when a woman he met when her was on a military course. I found out on my own..while snooping on his laptop. At first he didn't tell me the whole truth..and by the end of two weeks, I had all the truth...him spending the weekends at her place...and sleeping with her not twice, but at least ten time...which is not what he had said from the beginning. At first he was dead set on separating, but he was heading off to Afganistan in two three weeks the day I found out..so it was so hard. He said he loved me and still cared about me...but not the way he used to. And he didn't think and he doesn't know if he'll ever feel the same way towards me that he did before. So to make a long story short...we sought counselling..and he was sternly told him that he needed to make a decision on if he wanted to make things work, or get a divorce because it was unkind, mean and borderline abusive to play with my emotions like that, and then to go overseas. I have made a million mistakes in this marriage, and because of this affair it has opened my eyes to things I have been doing wrong. I never apprecited Dom enough, never thanked him enough, and I was an angry person for a long time. I have weight issues and that played a huge part in why I was angry all the time. I got angry when he wanted to hang out with his friends, like he was having fun without me..the list goes on...I just know that I need to change and I have already made big progresses in changing. He really liked or still likes the other woman..who he said was such a hardworking woman and still made time for him. They really connected with one another I imagine...but Dominic says he did it because he was so unhappy and when he felt a sense of freedom, a personal freedom..he took it, and she was the product of his unhappiness. He lied to her from the beginning about everything, even his name, the age of his daughter, and of course that he was seperated. He had ended all contact with her...she still wants him, she is in love with him..I think she is a lonely woman..Dom agrees, but she has backed off..I had to get the police involved to make sure..she was sending inappropriate pics to Dom over the internet, of them in intimate situations..which broke my heart all over again...he's never used a camera in our sexual life..I would have if he had asked..that's a whole other story. I'm just upset and I've been having the worst month of my life. I've had to miss work, go on antipressants, I've had panic and axiety attacks...and lost weight over this. I want to know what I should do? Dom is such a wonderful man, and he catered to me for so long and I didn't realize I should of done more for him. How can I make him love me the way he used to...and how to go about it??? I want this man so much, more than I've ever wanted my husband. I look at him so differently. He's still overseas, and we talk about twice a week, but I can't bring this up, he's got an alotted time to talk and I want him to look forward to seeing me, not dreading to see me and know I'll bitch him out the second I see him. I want to strangle him, and also hold him, and feel him close to me again. We've been intimate since the affair...I just want to know how I can show him that we are worth it, the little girl that we created that he does not regret..I want this marriage to work more than anything in this world..I love him with every breath that I take...and there is still so much there between us, I just want advice on how to show him so he sees it and realizes it...I booked three nights at a fancy hotel for when her comes home in a month for his two week break, and I want to make it special....pls help..with any advice..I would appreciate it. Good luck with anyone going through the same thing..my advice so far..keep breathing..the crying does stop eventually, and the pain never leaves, you're just able to get out of bed, you are worth it....keep telling yourself that...because I know I am worth it, and so is Dom, we are both worth it.

 

Melissa

[Loving Wife]

Hi Melissa,

 

First of all I am very sorry you are going through all this. I bet it is real hard. I have been married to my husband for 20 years and we have 3 children and not once have either one of us strayed outside of our marriage. We have had our ups and downs and sometimes loose our connection but have always been able to re-kindle what was lacking. The most important thing is to communicate and tell each other what you feel, need or would like all the time. I still to this day dress in naughty nightie outfits to keep his interest, I send him pictures on his blackberry daily of me telling him what I would do to him if he was hear. In addition when he is home and the kids are a sleep I have no problem being naked in front of him. He gets real turned on when I do these things. But having said that 10 or 15 years ago I didn't know this about him till he told me. We do it at least every other day and sometimes 3 x in 24 hours. Sex is so important for a man that is what can make them very week when they are without it. So never deny him. Start communicating and tell him how wonderful he is build his ego.

 

If I can help with more info in any way feel free to hit me up.

 

Good luck to both of you and dont give up.