daydreamerz Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Ok, so I wrote a thread a while ago about how I was upset because I felt like my boyfriend of 4 months was beginning to pull away a little and that I felt like I was the one making most of the effort in the relationship. In the beginning everything was great and it seemed that he was the one who wanted to see me all the time, but lately we barely even see each other. The thing is I look forward so much to the time we spend together and when we are together everything is great. Well, I sent him a long email about a week ago just addressing the fact that I felt like I wasn't seeing him enough(I usually only see him once a week) and that maybe he just wasn't in a place in his life for a relationship right now because he is extremely busy with other things. Well, he responded saying that he realized that he has been kind of all over the place lately and that he wanted to make more time for us and that he really cared about me. So, at this point I was happy and thought that everything would work out. Well, Over the weekend we went out and it was apparent to him that I was still kind of confused about where our relationship was going so we had a long discussion about it. Keep in mind that he broke up with his girlfriend of 2.5 years a week before we got together. We have been friends for a long time and they had been having problems in their relationship for a while before the breakup, but I was concerned from the beginning that maybe we jumped into things too soon. So he started off asking me if I was not satisfied with the speed that our relationship was moving at and whether I was hoping we would take things faster. I told him I wasn't really sure. Then he told me that he really wants to take things slow and that he doesn't feel like he is ready to jump into another serious relationship right now. He said that he feels like him and his ex never really resolved things between them and that he wants to figure out how to still be friends with her. I had been suspecting for a while that he was still seeing her so this kind of worried me. I asked him if he thought of getting back with her, but he assured me that he didn't...but I'm not really sure whether to believe this. Even if I do believe it I don't know if I'm ok with him still seeing her. He told me that he just feels weird because him and his ex had been really serious and he had pretty much planned his life around her, and now he feels kind of lost and like he needs to reevaluate his whole life. He also is looking to go to grad school next fall and his top choice is a school that is 6 hours away. So, he brought that up and said that he didn't want to make any commitment to me and then have to leave. He said that he still wants to see me, but that he just wants to take things slow and see where they lead. He doesn't want anything serious but he wants to leave the door open for something serious in the future. He also assured me that he didn't want to see other people and that he just wants to figure himself out before he makes any major commitments. So, I was pretty upset by all of this information even though I can completely understand where he is coming from. I really care about him and I want to work things out but I'm not sure if I have unrealistic hopes right now. He pretty much told me that he doesn't want a serious commitment with me but I keep telling myself maybe if I stick in it for a couple more months he will be ready for something more serious. I kind of feel like I am just setting myself up to get hurt right now though. I'm just not sure what to do at this point and I'm feeling really depressed about the situation.
btc8 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 He doesn't want anything serious but he wants to leave the door open for something serious in the future. He also assured me that he didn't want to see other people and that he just wants to figure himself out before he makes any major commitments. This is a classic example of ambivalence: he doesn't know what he wants; you do. Why should you stick around for him to bide your time? It sounds like he wants to have you around during a difficult time in his life. You don't deserve to be his plan B. Take some time for yourself, and go NC for bit. It will help you put things in to perspective. Just my two cents.
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