I need a hand analyzing my situation

[Gypsy_Heart]

Hi all! This is my story, the reason that brought me here, and I could use a hand analyzing my situation. The most important thing I want to know right now is if there can be any posibilities of giving it a second chance. Here it goes:

 

 

I broke up (edit: Actually, she broke up with me - Language mistake, sorry) with my girlfriend last Sunday (October 5th). We have been together for almost 6 month and we were (and I hope I can still say "are") each other's first love.

 

Our relationship was perfect for both of us. Some of the things she said to describe it, while we were still together were: "I feel as if this time we spend together is a dream I would never want to wake up" and "no one ever made me feel the way you do", and so many other things that would melt anyone's heart.

 

At the beginning I think I attracted her because I was a cool guy, with a special kind of humor that made her laugh a lot. We also shared studies, since we were both studying at the same Teacher Training College. We connected in every way possible.

 

The problem started halfway through this year when I took a job teaching I ended up hating from the bottom of my soul and I can't bail out from it until December. The thing is that this last event killed my self-esteem and the next thing I knew, I started acting needy and moody with her. Moreover, my "special" humor was kinda gone.

 

I also decided that teaching is not for me and that I should change careers, which I think killed one of our most important links: We dreamed that in the future we would both be English Teachers, have our own English Institute, travel together to England, and so on. However, she said that my choice of careers wouldn't affect our relationship.

 

Another big problem is that she's kind of a workaholic and that made her bit more than she could chew. We barely had time to be together (once a week, on Saturdays) and when we were, she was like a living zombie (totally exhausted). That made her behave uninterested in our dates. At the beginning, we had a lot more time to be together and she wouldn't be so tired.

 

She couldn't say why we broke up except that she's not sure she loves me anymore. The thing is that she didn't even ask for time, she just wanted to make it definite. My guess is that I pushed her too much by acting needy and sometimes moody with her during (but not after) the relationship (due to being disappointed with my job). And I guess she's a little bit dissapointed with my decision to quit teaching, probably subconsiously, because she said several times that she didn't mind my choice, and that she wanted the best for me.

 

The good thing is that I took the break up calmly and I haven't even tried to contact her ever since.

 

On monday (October 6th), however, she sent me an e-mail saying she would never forget our time together, that she has no regret over being my girlfriend (actually said she is proud we were), but that our thing wasn't meant to be and that it wouldn't have worked. She also said that since she doesn't want to stop hearing from me in the future, that I should give her a call to talk about how we are doing some day.

 

One week later (now), I'm not feeling that terrible, a little heart broken but I know I will survive and that I'll be able to move on with my life if I need to. I know I'm strong enough to survive anything, I did in the past with so many other things. The thing here is that this girl represents everything I ever wanted in a woman, and I'm afraid I'll never find someone so close to my expectations ever again. She's the woman of my dreams, and I don't want to lose her.

 

 

That's all I can think of now, what do you think? Is there any hope for us? Any advice for me? Thank you for reading it all

[me007]

 

On monday (October 6th), however, she sent me an e-mail saying she would never forget our time together, that she has no regret over being my girlfriend (actually said she is proud we were), but that our thing wasn't meant to be and that it wouldn't have worked. She also said that since she doesn't want to stop hearing from me in the future, that I should give her a call to talk about how we are doing some day.

 

One week later (now), I'm not feeling that terrible, a little heart broken but I know I will survive and that I'll be able to move on with my life if I need to. I know I'm strong enough to survive anything, I did in the past with so many other things. The thing here is that this girl represents everything I ever wanted in a woman, and I'm afraid I'll never find someone so close to my expectations ever again. She's the woman of my dreams, and I don't want to lose her.

 

 

That's all I can think of now, what do you think? Is there any hope for us? Any advice for me? Thank you for reading it all

 

Funny, my ex said something very similar not too long ago (doesn't regret being with me, hopes we can remain in touch as friends, whatever will be will be) and said very similar things when together (never felt this and that way before, etc). He also said his decision was final. Usually when they say their decision is final, it is. It's good you are handling things calmly and staying positive.

 

Don't know what else to tell you; it sucks, having that feeling you won't find anyone as good as them. I've been trying to talk and meet a few new guys, but not feeling that connection like I did with him. My ex was everything I wanted, and it took a long time to find him. I guess it will take a long time to find another one, sadly he has already found someone to replace me with.

[Gypsy_Heart]

Funny, my ex said something very similar not too long ago (doesn't regret being with me, hopes we can remain in touch as friends, whatever will be will be) and said very similar things when together (never felt this and that way before, etc). He also said his decision was final. Usually when they say their decision is final, it is. It's good you are handling things calmly and staying positive.

 

Don't know what else to tell you; it sucks, having that feeling you won't find anyone as good as them. I've been trying to talk and meet a few new guys, but not feeling that connection like I did with him. My ex was everything I wanted, and it took a long time to find him. I guess it will take a long time to find another one, sadly he has already found someone to replace me with.

 

Thank you so much me007, I'm sorry you're caught up in the same boat but at least you and I know we're not alone in it.

 

Yeah, it sucks. But I haven't given up at all. She didn't say her decision is final, I assumed that since she never asked for time. She also left the door open for me to call back someday.

 

I feel as if I have to work out some of my issues before trying to contact her again. In any case, I'm trying to improve myself and learn from my mistakes for my own sake, not just to get her back. That might not even happen, but if I ever find someone I can connect with again, I won't screw up things twice.

 

As ironical as it may seem, I'm starting to believe breaking up was one of the best things that happened to me. Not because I'm moving on, or because I think it wouldn't have worked. It was good because it gave me the motivation to learn about and work on some of my issues that would have gone unresolved otherwise. The only two things that could make this break up even better is that

1) I manage to overcome all of those mistakes and

2) She's willing to give it another shot.

 

 

Please, do share your thoughts, I appreciate them a lot

[Heaventears]

Hi Gypsy_Heart,

 

Chances don't come by everytime only if you grab it. From your passage, i see that both of ya were first love of each other. the bond of love is definitely stronger than any other at the moment unless another new love comes along.

 

Seems like both of you have the same chemistry, ever thought of getting together and see if both of you can compromise to make love turn out into miracle of the dreams both of you had to be? Nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of your willingness of giving it a thought and try.

 

1) I manage to overcome all of those mistakes and

2) She's willing to give it another shot.

 

Congrats to you that you manage to overcome all those mistakes, so nothing more can beat you down i guess since you know how to handle your feeling well and most important you know what is the best for U!

 

If she's willing to give it another shot, then what ya waiting for?

Good Luck... Cheerios.....

[norajane]

First love is a magical thing, isn't it?

 

However, she was very clear. She no longer thinks it would work out between you. She thinks fondly of you, so she'd be happy to hear from you in the future (distant future), but not as a second chance....just to say hello and catch up.

 

In the same way that your certainty about teaching changed over time and experience, your certainty about what you want in a relationship and in a woman will also change over time and with experience. Just because she was perfect for you for the past six months, doesn't mean she would be perfect for you 6 years from now or a lifetime from now.

 

Both of you are young and you're still developing into your personalities and characters and needs and wants. While first loves are like nothing else, they rarely are the right relationship for you in the long run, because people grow and change so much in their 20's.

 

Appreciate her for who she is and what she brought into your life, and learn something from the relationship, whatever it might be. But don't hang your hopes on getting her back. Live your life instead, do what makes you happy, and you'll meet a woman who is also doing those things because they make her happy - you'll have that in common.

[me007]

Yup, I said the same thing to my ex, it was the best thing that ever happened to too because it gave me a wake up call to work on my issues and depression, But my ex didn't want to have another go. I still hurt and miss him most days, although I am moving on slowly. Sounds like you are healing better than I am.

 

Thank you so much me007, I'm sorry you're caught up in the same boat but at least you and I know we're not alone in it.

 

Yeah, it sucks. But I haven't given up at all. She didn't say her decision is final, I assumed that since she never asked for time. She also left the door open for me to call back someday.

 

I feel as if I have to work out some of my issues before trying to contact her again. In any case, I'm trying to improve myself and learn from my mistakes for my own sake, not just to get her back. That might not even happen, but if I ever find someone I can connect with again, I won't screw up things twice.

 

As ironical as it may seem, I'm starting to believe breaking up was one of the best things that happened to me. Not because I'm moving on, or because I think it wouldn't have worked. It was good because it gave me the motivation to learn about and work on some of my issues that would have gone unresolved otherwise. The only two things that could make this break up even better is that

1) I manage to overcome all of those mistakes and

2) She's willing to give it another shot.

 

 

Please, do share your thoughts, I appreciate them a lot

[Gypsy_Heart]

Hi all. Thanks for your responses, they're really helping me get a better picture of my situation. I'll address them individually:

 

Heaventears:

 

Those two conditions I wrote are just that, conditions, not facts. I said those things COULD make my break up better, provided they would happen someday (they haven't yet). Probably I used a wrong tense there. I still have to work a lot through my issues (picked up Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and half of the book is about me) and after seeing how many mistakes I've made, now I'm stuck with the idea that I'll have to convince her somehow that I've changed, without sounding like I'm crawling back or begging for her return. I'm totally certain now that her loss of interest was mostly because of my own insecurities, rather than my choice of career.

 

Yes, we did have a big chemistry up to the last week we were together. That's why I still think there is a chance with us. I'm thinking about getting back together but I can't break the NC so soon. I'll have to wait until at least a month or two. Then we'll see. It's not just to give her time and space to miss me, but also giving myself time to improve myself. I'll call her when I feel ready.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me

 

norajane:

 

I see your point about changing and developing during the 20s, but some of the reasons I fell for her was her maturity, intelligence, independence, among other things, and those are preferences unlikely to change in the future. It's not just that she was just pretty and loving, or whatever specific trait I could change my mind about in the future. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

Your last paragraph, however, it's a pretty accurate description of my new objectives now that I'm on my own again.

 

Thank you for your wise words

me007:

 

Our cases are so similar that I'm afraid she's going to react the same way as your bf did in your case. But I'll take my chances, I've got nothing else to lose.

 

About the healing process, well, darling, I've had my share of tears for her. I've cried rivers for her until I realised there's a lesson to be learnt, a life to be lived, and happyness to be felt. I still feel weak from time to time. Heck, to be more accurate, I'd say I feel like sh*t sometimes. But you've got to trust that whatever comes your way, you'll handle it. I know I will. Playing guitar and going to the gym really helped me soothe my soul in these difficult times.

 

Crying your eyes out (only at the beginning, to get it off your chest), believing in yourself, keeping a hobby, working out, and hanging with friends are very effective way to overcome these kind of things. But don't try only one, do them all if you can

 

Thank you and stay strong

[me007]

Definitely go for it to try and get her back if you feel she is truly worth it, I wish you the best of luck with that. I've exhausted my ways of trying to convince my ex to try again, but I don't regret trying. You have nothing to lose, right?

[Gypsy_Heart]

Definitely go for it to try and get her back if you feel she is truly worth it, I wish you the best of luck with that. I've exhausted my ways of trying to convince my ex to try again, but I don't regret trying. You have nothing to lose, right?

 

 

I sent her an e-mail yesterday, breaking 3 weeks of NC. It was pretty much a couple of things we discussed here about breaking up being a good thing that woke me up to some realities, and that I've been improving myself in this time, but that I feel our relationship is something worth fighting for.

 

No answer yet.

 

I really fear I would never find someone as perfect to me as she was. I know it sounds stupid and I would be the first to say that if it wasn't about me. But this time love has bitten me in the butt

 

(edit)

I get the impression I just put the final nail in the coffin

[ChickenAce]

I dont like telling people not to fight for something thats worth something to them. Its really hard sometimes and sometimes quite impossible for us. But if you value something and your square about it, I dunno but normally I'd say keep trying respectfully.

 

It takes two to tango, for a long time i been the only one interested or someone else only, two way street is just that a two-way street.

 

Best of Luck

[lakerlover]

If you still have feelings you should try to get her back.

[Gypsy_Heart]

Chicken Ace:

 

It may be due to my situation of being a non-native speaker of english, but I'm having a hard time trying to understand what you're telling me. Are you saying that I should keep trying to tell her about my feelings and how I feel about our relationship? I realized (after I sent the e-mail, sadly) there's no point in telling her how I feel since that's not what's keeping us apart. What keeps us apart is how SHE feels, and that's something I doubt I could change now. Suggestions are welcomed, though

 

lakerlover:

 

That's what I tried with the e-mail. Still no answer from her. And I'm still trying to figure out exactly what went wrong. I know she's not dating someone else, but I still don't believe the fact that she works too much is the real reason. I really wish to get her back, but I dunno how.

 

Thank you both, just as I thought I was getting over her, I'm starting to feel terribly heartbroken again