gummybear Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I didn't post a pic on my profile. How 'bad' is that? I just don't want someone I know to see me and basically the idea of posting my pic just doesn't make me comfortable. However, I somewhat rationalize it by thinking that if a person is really interested in who I am by reading my profile, it wouldn't be that much trouble for them to just ask me for my pic (since I do say in my profile I will send a pic upon request and I say I'm attractive as well). What do you all think? I mean for those who've done online dating, do you just ignore profiles without a pic? How has that worked?
TigerCub Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I don't post my pic online and I still get plenty of messages, so as long as your profile is interesting I think it would be ok.
Yamaha Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Most people ignore profiles without pics. They figure their must be something wrong if your unwilling to post a pic. It works better for women to not post a pic and still get responses but guys don't have the same luxury.
Shygirl15 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 It won't work. Unless you don't mind 'left overs'. Creme de la creme won't bother with you. Both sex face plenty of competition on Match.com.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I won't bother responding to someone who doesn't have a picture. The failure to post a picture is because of one (or more) of the following reasons: (1) They're not attractive. (2) They're attempting to cheat. (3) They're embarrassed to be dating online/don't want anyone to see them. Best case scenario is (3), and that's still unacceptable to me.
Author gummybear Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 I won't bother responding to someone who doesn't have a picture. The failure to post a picture is because of one (or more) of the following reasons: (1) They're not attractive. (2) They're attempting to cheat. (3) They're embarrassed to be dating online/don't want anyone to see them. Best case scenario is (3), and that's still unacceptable to me. Why is that unacceptable? My reason for not posting is partly becuase of (3) and partly because I don't want someone to email me mainly because of my looks (tho I might be too naive here lol). Well I've had 2 really good guys I had relationsihps with who contacted me eventho I had no pic (one was craigslist and one was eharmony) but maybe match.com is a bit different? Those 2 guys were definitly not the leftovers for sure.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Why is that unacceptable? My reason for not posting is partly becuase of (3) and partly because I don't want someone to email me mainly because of my looks (tho I might be too naive here lol). Well I've had 2 really good guys I had relationsihps with who contacted me eventho I had no pic (one was craigslist and one was eharmony) but maybe match.com is a bit different? Those 2 guys were definitly not the leftovers for sure. If you're going to argue against opinions that differ from what you want to hear, why start threads?
btc8 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 If you're going to argue against opinions that differ from what you want to hear, why start threads? The OP said: I just don't want someone I know to see me and basically the idea of posting my pic just doesn't make me comfortable. Star Gazer, you said: I won't bother responding to someone who doesn't have a picture. The failure to post a picture is because of one (or more) of the following reasons: (1) They're not attractive. (2) They're attempting to cheat. (3) They're embarrassed to be dating online/don't want anyone to see them. Best case scenario is (3), and that's still unacceptable to me. I don't think that the OP's disagreement with your opinion is any less valid than the fact that you assume your opinion acts as though it's you giving advice.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Well I've had 2 really good guys I had relationsihps with who contacted me eventho I had no pic (one was craigslist and one was eharmony) but maybe match.com is a bit different? Those 2 guys were definitly not the leftovers for sure. This is the response that I was referring to. If she's going to argue that she hasn't had any difficulty without a picture, then why start this thread?
Author gummybear Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 If you're going to argue against opinions that differ from what you want to hear, why start threads? I wasn't arguing with you. I was just asking you a question to know why that would be unacceptable. I've never heard of that being a reason not to want to talk to someone online
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Why would you feel uncomfortable having someone you know see you on a dating site? Any reason you'd give me, if I was also on said dating site with a posted picture, would be unacceptable to me. Embarrassed? Then you're saying I should be embarrassed as well. Don't want anyone knowing you're dating? Why is that? suspicious. There's simply no reason to hide your picture on a dating site, IMO.
rod_in_gtown Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I didn't post a pic on my profile. How 'bad' is that? I just don't want someone I know to see me and basically the idea of posting my pic just doesn't make me comfortable. However, I somewhat rationalize it by thinking that if a person is really interested in who I am by reading my profile, it wouldn't be that much trouble for them to just ask me for my pic (since I do say in my profile I will send a pic upon request and I say I'm attractive as well). What do you all think? I mean for those who've done online dating, do you just ignore profiles without a pic? How has that worked? In my experience with online dating, I've contacted a few women who didn't have a profile picture. Of those, I've continued talking and talking and talking to the point of nausea and never actually meet. In my opinion, people who don't post profile pics show a general lack of committment to finding someone, it also gives me the impression that they're not willing to put themselves out there like I am. It's unfair. And it also tells me that they don't mind leaving things unfinished, it's all part of presentation and a half-ass presentation depicts a half-ass personality. Also, seeing someone's picture is more than just checking out if they're cute, it tells me about what they like, how they smile (which tells me more than any profile text could ever do) and what general disposition towards life they have. I've stopped online dating but when I did, I pretty much only did searches for people with pictures in their profile.
rod_in_gtown Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Why would you feel uncomfortable having someone you know see you on a dating site? Any reason you'd give me, if I was also on said dating site with a posted picture, would be unacceptable to me. Embarrassed? Then you're saying I should be embarrassed as well. Don't want anyone knowing you're dating? Why is that? suspicious. There's simply no reason to hide your picture on a dating site, IMO. I agree with SG on this one.
Author gummybear Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Why would you feel uncomfortable having someone you know see you on a dating site? Any reason you'd give me, if I was also on said dating site with a posted picture, would be unacceptable to me. Embarrassed? Then you're saying I should be embarrassed as well. Don't want anyone knowing you're dating? Why is that? suspicious. There's simply no reason to hide your picture on a dating site, IMO. Whether you like it or not, there is still a certain stigma with online dating. I can do without the talk from coworkers or anyone who knows me who sees my profile online. And also, people can easily ask for a pic if they want to see. Not arguing, just another viewpoint.
Nevermind Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 If somebody teases you about your picture you could gently remind him of his shortcoming in terms of analytical thinking. Only people who are visiting dating sites can see your profile/pic and thus they ultimately make fun of themselves.
Shygirl15 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Whether you like it or not, there is still a certain stigma with online dating. I can do without the talk from coworkers or anyone who knows me who sees my profile online. And also, people can easily ask for a pic if they want to see. Not arguing, just another viewpoint. I don't understand why I should go further and ask one match (among 900 matches that popped up with good pictures and profiles) for a picture.
flc Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Whether you like it or not, there is still a certain stigma with online dating. I can do without the talk from coworkers or anyone who knows me who sees my profile online. And also, people can easily ask for a pic if they want to see. Not arguing, just another viewpoint. A stigma? I'm 50 and I find it acceptable I find it hard to believe anyone this day an age would find this a problem. I personally do not search on anyone without a picture. For me physical attraction is very important and I really don't want to waste my time chatting with someone and then finding out I am not attracted to them. I think you will find you get a lot less contacts without a picture, now that may not be a bad thing for a women, for a man it would not work at all.
tanbark813 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I mean for those who've done online dating, do you just ignore profiles without a pic? Yes. When I was on match I always checked the option to only include profiles with pics when doing searches.
SushiX Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 What's wrong with posting your picture online? Is it because you're afraid someone you know might see you there? I'm on plenty of dating sites and don't have a problem posting my picture. And I only search profiles with pictures. I have to be somewhat attracted to them to even read their profile.
serial muse Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Whether you like it or not, there is still a certain stigma with online dating. I can do without the talk from coworkers or anyone who knows me who sees my profile online. And also, people can easily ask for a pic if they want to see. Not arguing, just another viewpoint. I never bothered to look at picture-less profiles, either. I think the main thing you'll run into is a limiting of your potential matches. I guess if you're fine with that, then cool. But be aware that lots of people prefer to look at a picture; that's just how it is. I agree with what Star said about the reasons why a person might not post his or her pic online. And I agree that even the most innocuous reason - that you're afraid someone might see you - would still be unacceptable to me, because ultimately, it would make me wonder about you. Here's the thing. Let's say we were going to meet, but I know you have this hangup. You're saying there's a stigma. That suggests that you might apply such a stigma, too - in other words, I'd wonder if you also think less of people who do online dating, even though you do it too. If, perhaps, you're judging your potential matches in some way. And if, given this hangup, you'll not want to be honest about how we met but will always make something up. If you're ashamed of yourself somehow. You know? It just seems like too much baggage; it's so much more attractive when someone just embraces their choice and says, hey, I'm here to meet people, let's see what happens. Being negative about it going in is not going to make you seem more attractive to a potential match (particularly when your embarrassment might be read as a veiled judgment of your match's presence online, too). Just saying.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I never bothered to look at picture-less profiles, either. I think the main thing you'll run into is a limiting of your potential matches. I guess if you're fine with that, then cool. But be aware that lots of people prefer to look at a picture; that's just how it is. I agree with what Star said about the reasons why a person might not post his or her pic online. And I agree that even the most innocuous reason - that you're afraid someone might see you - would still be unacceptable to me, because ultimately, it would make me wonder about you. Here's the thing. Let's say we were going to meet, but I know you have this hangup. You're saying there's a stigma. That suggests that you might apply such a stigma, too - in other words, I'd wonder if you also think less of people who do online dating, even though you do it too. If, perhaps, you're judging your potential matches in some way. And if, given this hangup, you'll not want to be honest about how we met but will always make something up. If you're ashamed of yourself somehow. You know? It just seems like too much baggage; it's so much more attractive when someone just embraces their choice and says, hey, I'm here to meet people, let's see what happens. Being negative about it going in is not going to make you seem more attractive to a potential match (particularly when your embarrassment might be read as a veiled judgment of your match's presence online, too). Just saying. I agree with this whole-heartedly. Gummy, personally I do NOT think there's a stigma attached to online dating. I have a positive attitude about it - yes, I'm putting myself out there because I want to find someone, and if someone comes across my profile in the process, so be it. Who cares? If they see it, they're there too - good for them! I'm going to meet people and just see what happens. I want the people I'm meeting to have the same attitude. What I do not want, as Serial articulated, is someone who judges people because they're on a dating site. You think there's a stigma. You worry that others would place that stigma on you. That means that you place that stigma on potential dates, or at the least have a hangup about the entire process. That's not attractive to me, nor fun.
Author gummybear Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Thing is, I've never really had the 'i'm here to meet people and see what happens' mentality....I used to be like that and I ended up with alot of dates yea but none of em ever went anywhere. Perhaps by restricting myself I'll get less dates yes but more quality ones (hopefully). I actualy dont' want to put myself out there for everyone to see....only want the few special ones who really are serious about finding that special someone to care enough to put in that extra work. I think that special person will not be too interested in the other 900 profiles with pics and will be more interested in mine eventho I have no pic because they like what I said in my profile. I guess this is my way of weeding them out as well. Or maybe I'm just being naive, dunno. I've met 2 bfs from the past like this without posting a pic online and they were great guys. But again, I"m new to match.com and I'm new to LA where things are pretty different....
tanbark813 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I actualy dont' want to put myself out there for everyone to see....only want the few special ones who really are serious about finding that special someone to care enough to put in that extra work. That's a false assumption. Looking through profiles, maybe 10% will catch someone's eye enough to message them. There's maybe a 10-25% chance that person will even respond. Of that, then it's another shot in the dark whether it will lead to a date and both people will like each other enough to want to pursue things. Online dating is already a lot of work restricting yourself to only profiles with pictures. That's why I never wasted my time with profiles without a pic. Who wants to invest that much time only to find out later that there's no physical chemistry anyway? By making it more work for someone you're shooting yourself in the foot.
Author gummybear Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 That's a false assumption. Looking through profiles, maybe 10% will catch someone's eye enough to message them. There's maybe a 10-25% chance that person will even respond. Of that, then it's another shot in the dark whether it will lead to a date and both people will like each other enough to want to pursue things. Online dating is already a lot of work restricting yourself to only profiles with pictures. That's why I never wasted my time with profiles without a pic. Who wants to invest that much time only to find out later that there's no physical chemistry anyway? By making it more work for someone you're shooting yourself in the foot. Maybe you SHOULD try looking at profiles without a pic...you might be surprised what you find. I hate to sound stuckup or anything cuz that's not the point....for awhile I did post my pic on some site (i think it was yahoo personals) and I got a bunch of responses but 95% of them had no substance. The 5% were ok but didn't interest me that much. I don't know what happened but people say I have a very pretty face, and they tell me that had it been real life, they would of been too scared to approach me because they'd assume I was taken. And online, they were surprised by the way I look when I sent them a pic afterward. I like guys who are a bit shy/vulnerable, so maybe that is why. I really dislike arrogant guys. It's almost like when i Posted a pic all the nice guys assumed alot others were responding and that they didn't stand a chance.
tanbark813 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Keep in mind that women receive many more responses than men do. If you were the one putting in the work doing the searching you might find that you would change your opinion of profile pics.
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