He left in sept. says he's miserable doen't love me blaa blaa blaa

[bbpainter]

Says he loves me but not in love with me , miserable, doesn't want to fight not that we did much lately and over stupid stuff.. what a surprise, we had a small argument and when i came home a few hours later he had his stuff packed and left to stay at a friends house..shocked me and the kids 2 home, one out w/ a 4 month old...said he's tired of it all. for the last 5-6 years we were fighting a lot over our oldest daughter 19, finally diagnosed with bi-polar disorder with defiant tendency... we made it though it all.mental help, counseling, hospitals, fights, police which he still hasn't forgiven our daughter for, moving changing jobs both of us..he's still very angry at times the smallest thing sets him off but doesn't think he needs help. and now when things are calm he leaves... he's been distant all summer didn't want to do anything with me and the kids (no extra money)spent it all on fixing both of our cars(over 10yrs old) on his days off and nights he would be glued to the computer playing war games and whatever else..met a new friend thru a friend and they became buddies he went over to his house all summer to help clean out a junk room so they could jam, H plays guitar, friend drums.. he was gone for 2 days his days off, no time for me or the kids.. he is just being so indifferent, we were together over 25 yrs. 23 married oct. 5,, he ignored me when we met to get kids our anniversary just went ignored hurt alot...he came home after about 3 wks gone (before ann.)tried to work things out he talked i did thought we were going to make it through.. 2 days later he left packed his stuff before work and never said anything.. when i called him at work he told me it was over ,he wasn't happy etc.. and wasn't coming back..I still don't know what's going on with him, he doesn't talk to anyone.. his parents try and he won't ,, the kids talk to him a little , my son said he didn't want to see him last weekend and wouldn't go so I won't let my 8 yr old daughter go and be left alone with the "friend" during the day while H works weekends. I love him but am so hurt and angry... for it all,MY sis in law and Parents are helping with the kids so i can still work at night and weekends. I feel abandoned, lied to, cheated on,by the "friend" who's a male .. but H never had any signs but the friend definitely gives off gay love vibes....several people have questioned it after he left, what the deal was and I still don't know.. we talk rarely, about the kids when needed or money he's paying most of the bills, but I'm trying to get another job, to stay afloat we don't even have oil yet or much food in the house...but...getting by some days are hard some not...he also wanted to move like right away.. I don't I like it where we are, (we rent).. I figured some day when some dept was under control we would finely get a house

not move because he doesn't want to travel 40 min. to and from work...ohh big deal I do a 1/2 hr both ways and if i get this other job it will be about 35-40. All I know is he isn't himself and hasn't been for awhile and when I mentioned about getting help or meds. for depression he said he was fine and didn't need any.... I might and not ashamed to ask for help,, he's denying any help at all. Some days i feel like it's to late and over and other times I want him to came back get help and be the man he was a long time ago... or close to it we all change maybe we changed to much fighting about our daughter... he doesn't even want to see or ask about his g-son (5 months old) he was even in the delivery room and was even different back then, happier i guess..but still dealing on how to deal with the bi-polar issues and problems, she can be really loud, angry and obnoxious.. I'm trying to help her deal with things and she takes care of the baby...and mostly doing ok..boyfriend around to. Just struggling day to day... first time i vented hope its not to long winded I even thought about sending a copy to him.

[pelicanpreacher]

Reading between the lines I surmise that your daughter's bipolar condition was inherited from your husband. His erratic behavior and mood swings are evidence of his dysfunction. You cannot fix him for he must be treated by a professional. This gay inclination may also be a byproduct of his mania so don't be surprised by anything he does in the future as his condition continues to deteriorate. Right now you need to focus on yourself and your children and begin looking to a future without him and perhaps with another man.

[bbpainter]

thanks for the feedback..I'm going nuts....got a new job start in 2 wks.

I'll be home w/kids at night now I work evenings..will keep other job for awhile..on the weekends kids will stay with aunt...haven't talked to H,except to pay bills or about the kids...he wasn't seen them in 2 wks..14 yr. old doesn't want to see him,but the 8 yr old does but I won't let her go alone to stay with the friend during the day while H works and the 2 days off during the week he didn't make an attempt to come see them..oh well..got to go

[GreenEyedLady]

Ok, I feel compelled to post here.

 

Imagine living your whole life hiding who you really are.

 

Imagine going to home to someone who cannot possibly fill your physical needs, no matter how much they love you and how hard they try.

 

Imagine hating yourself and who you are so much that you try to drown it by surrounding yourself with what you "think" is normal.

 

If he is gay, then let him go. There is no more you can do. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

 

You will survive, I promise you. Try and keep the kids from hating him. Be supportive of a loving bond between them. If he's going to come out, it will be tough on everyone. But I am sure that he loves them; he just hates himself so much right now he can't face it.

 

Try and get in counseling. Talk to your closest friends. Find support from your family and wrap yourself in it. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever face, but you will emerge stronger for it.

 

I'm thinking of you.

 

(((HUGS)))

[TrustInYourself]

Sounds like a simple midlife crisis to me.