gf lying to sister about fitting in maid of honor dress

[islandsurfer]

Since I have been dating my girlfriend (for over 4 years) she has been self conscious about her weight. It is not uncommon for it to fluxuate 30 lbs in a year. She knows it doesn't bother me and I love her no matter what. I always console / support her when she is upset about her weight.

 

Her sister in getting married the first weekend of Dec. She crashed dieted last spring to lose weight for the dress fitting (she is the maid of honor). Since then she has gained all the weight back she lost and some. She has not seen her sister since the dress fitting and has not told her about the weight. We go to college 6 hours away from where her sister/family lives. She was supposed to go home this holiday weekend because her sister called saying the dresses are in so she can get her final fitting. My gf was to embarrassed to go home, and made an excuse to stay at college. According to her she will lose weight so when she goes home for Thanksgiving she can get the final fitting and if she doesn't lose the weight they can just take the dress out then.

 

I have had two older sister get married myself and I could be wrong but is it possible to take out brides made dresses? Also its not like my gf has only a little weight to lose. For the fitting she weighed around 140 and got a size 8 dress (I remember this because she was so happy she could fit into an 8. As of yesterday she weighs 178 lbs and was upset because her size 14 jeans are too tight. She is only 5 ft 3 inches tall and I hate to be mean but she is not going to be able to hide the weight easily from her sister / family.

 

My problem is that I do not know what to do. Do I try to convince her to tell her sister about her weight? This would make me have to bring up her weight a topic she is self conscious about and I topic I never talk about with her. Her sister has also flat out asked me if my gf has gained any weight since the fitting. She called me this morning and I let it go to voice mail. I can understand her sisters concern because my gf weight was 120 lb when we started dating and right now she is not at her highest weight. I can see Thanksgiving being a disaster and am wondering if there is anything I can do to ease the situation.

[Trialbyfire]

Tell the sister that it's a discussion between herself and her sister. Don't get caught in the middle of a family drama.

 

Your g/f is responsible for herself. It's up to her to be an adult or not. If you nag your g/f, it will only build resentment. The responsibility lies with her to make or break her sister's wedding.

 

Yes, there's usually room in a bride's maids dress but not that much room.

[Ronni_W]

I agree with TBF. The soon-to-be-bride ought to take care of this matter directly with her maid of honour.

 

Something worth considering is that it's possible that the way you console/support her when she is feeling "too fat" is not necessarily helping her get inspired/motivated to lose the excess weight that is making her feel upset, embarrassed, and the like.

 

That is, sometimes something like, "Well, when you start losing the excess weight you'll feel really great about yourself again," can actually end up being more supportive than, "I love you just the way you are" (which you ought not STOP saying altogether, of course.)

 

Best of luck. I do hope the family Thanksgiving will be anything but a "disaster", and that the maid of honour will look absolutely wonderful on her sister's big day .