delnoire Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I'm a single dad who's still pretty young (26) and I just can't seem to find that special girl who I can settle down with. I've got a six year old daughter, and I want her to have a strong, role-model, yet, I haven't been able to provide her with any sort of womanly role-model at all. It seems like every girl around here I am even remotely interested in is either already taken, or wouldn't be the kind of positive influence I would want for my daughter. For example, they are strippers, or heavy smokers, clubbers etc...Nice to look at, and make good friends, but a long-term girlfriend, I doubt it lol. I guess I am just exhausted. Anyone around here know of any girls in the wisconsin area looking for the same?
TigerCub Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 What's the age range you're looking at? You could try online dating as a means of meeting new people, but you probably should be looking for someone 30+ because I know that a lot of younger women (myself included) would rather date someone without kids, but perhaps an older woman would be more maternal/mature for that kind of thing and wouldn't see it as a problem.
reservoirdog1 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I agree, try online dating. The main benefit is that it exposes you to women you simply wouldn't have met otherwise, because your paths wouldn't have crossed. I think there are some online dating sites out there specifically aimed at single parents, that is, if you don't mind dating a fellow single parent. It's not easy finding a woman you would actually want to be in an LTR with. (And women find the same thing with respect to men.) Some women will be weirded out or just not want to be with a guy who has kids; I'm a single dad and I've experienced that in the past. There's no secret formula for finding somebody for an LTR; there's a lot more "secret formulas" out there for finding somebody to have sex with. Finding LTR material takes a different kind of effort. All I can advise is, take your time, don't be too anxious or desperate, and keep yourself busy. Get involved in an amateur sports club, go to the gym, take classes in things that interest you, try speed dating, get involved in politics. The key is to be "out there" as much as possible, because you simply meet more people. Also... I've never tried it myself, but I'm told that yoga classes tend to have lots of women (in tight clothes) and very few men.
ed-205 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 My question is do you want a mother for your daughter, or companionship for yourself ? The reason I ask is because I was a single father to my 2 sons for 18 years (their real mom walked out on us), and their School Councilor sent *ME* to a Therapist to find out why I wasn't actively seeking a replacement "Mother" for them. The idiot Therapist even went so far as to tell me that *ANY* woman would make a naturally better parent for them than I - their biological Father- ever could! This is complete and utter *HOGWASH!* Kids can deal with a lot as long as they know *you* love them and care for them, whatever pair of chromosomes you have. My suggestion is that if you want a motherly influence for your daughter, you seek out a happily married Mom, and ask her to help you out. She can be a friend or relative of yours, someone from your church/social group, or (even better) the mother of one of your daughters friends since your daughter will already feel comfortable with having had some choice in the matter. The bonus is she gets to have the maternal influence she wants, and not the one she's *stuck* with. That's what my sons did, and even into their 20s, they still call this woman when they need a "mom's" input. If your looking for some companionship for yourself, it will probably be easier for you since you have a daughter, but IME *NO* woman wants to raise another womans children, even if she's a single mom herself. I lost count of how many times I heard "If only you didn't have the kids...". Single mothers complain about how MEN don't want the baggage, trust me when I tell you that women are even *worse* about it. Good luck to you anyway. For your sake (and your daughter's), I hope things turn out differently.
Konfuzion Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I am a single custodial father and my advice to you is don't bring other women around, date have fun and leave the kids out of it. I also think the above advice of having a friend or family member act as the mother is a great idea, just make sure its someone you can trust to be around and not bail on the kids.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Where are you hanging out that you are only meeting strippres, heavy smokers and party girls? Perhaps you need to try to meet women at other places? The super market? PTA? If you are going to clubs expecting to meet the love of your life, I don't know if that's realistic. Not because I don't think there can't be nice women at clubs but it sounds like there is a certain type of woman you keep meeting. And seriously, any single fathers out there taking care of your children on your own, you get my kudos for that. Not that fathers shouldn't do that, but enough father's don't that it can be a stereotype.
Lucky_One Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 It's so weird, bc I know all of these great single women (some with kids, some not) who would LOVE to meet a guy who wanted a LTR. I wish I could import you! You are still really young, and there is time to find a wonderful partner for you who will be a great mother to your little girl. I think you got some good suggestions on where to expand your range of "looking", and I would also suggest asking some of your daughter's friends moms if they know of any nice single women to introduce you to. Like people tend to hang out with like people, so if you know someone who is married who seems to be the sort of woman that you would like to date, ask her if she knows any single women in your age group. But DON'T say "I find you really attractive, and I would love to date someone just like you!" LOL!
hanson Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I have dated a single women with a kid before and she kept trying to tell her daughter to call me dad after 3 months of our relationship. She was always pushing her kid onto me and was such a terrible parent. If i stayed with her that child would be better off because i was responsible while she was not. The only reason we lasted so long was because she was always having her mom/sister/brother/father/"anyone else" watch her while she did whatever she wanted. I will tell you that being single again i would never date anyone with prior children.
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