Jake C Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I have a unique situation. My ex and I are about 70 miles apart. The break up was cordial (no screaming, arguing, or nastiness) but I definitely didn't want it to happen. We had a great 6 month relationship. We were happy, in love, she seemed perfect, everything seemed perfect. We were great together. She blamed the cause of the breakup on a pretty hurtful e-mail I sent her because I overreacted to something she'd done. I accept responsibility for my actions, but I get the feeling there was someone else involved or getting involved. She said during the breakup she still values me and still wants me in her life, that she wished we could get back what we had but that she saw me differently now. I did the no contact for about 5 weeks and she finally sent a couple funny forwarded e-mails. Nothing was written to me personally, and it was sent to a couple othre people, but it was sent to me and I've got to assume it wasn't just to give me a laugh. The last time I saw her (before the no contact) she was pretty mad at me for showing up at her house un-announced and was pretty mean and harsh, so I just went away. Now I'm not sure how to proceed now that she's half-@ssed contacted me. Do I contact back? Do I continue with no contact? What could she be trying to tell me? I think she's seeing someone else and truly think this other person was the reason she broke it off in the first place. She hasn't admitted that to me and seems to actually be trying to hide it, but the signs are there. I'm assuming she's doing this out of courtesy, or not wanting to look like the bad guy. But why is she contacting me with forwards? Is she fishing? Seeking reassurance from me that I don't hate her? Is there a chance at all of reconciliation? What would be my best course of action to at least have a chance? I still feel pretty upset with her about the way the breakup was handled. She blew me off, wouldn't talk about the relationship or the reason it ended. Basically acted like she wanted nothing to do with me. So is she contacting me because she's feeling guilty or regretful? I know everyone is going to ask would I really want someone back after doing these things or possibly leaving me for someone else, but yes, I think I do want her back pretty bad. Regardless of being upset I still love her, she's a great person and I still want it to work out. Should I just continue with no contact to keep her wondering and risk losing a friendship? Or would it be better to contact her back with something simple? Should I even accept a friendship? I don't want to be friends, I want the relationship back. But if friends is the only thing that's possible or the only way to possibly get her to come around, should I be content with it. I'm not sure how to play the game in this arena. I've read all the on line resources as I'm hurting from this breakup, so I know that "no contact" is the way to go, but now that I've heard from her I need some fresh ideas on how to handle it now. Any advice would help. Maybe some insight as to what she might be thinking or attempting to do. Thanks A little background: We're both 28, we've both dated our fair share. We're both driven confident and attractive professionals. This is new territory for me. I've never felt this way about someone before, she's the only one to have gotten ahold of me like this. She's very independent. She has two daughters I have no children. It's probably worth noting, she's bi-sexual, not sure if that helps. Sorry so long:)
Ronni_W Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 You sound quite confident in your belief that there is someone else. In which case, yes, just stick to 'no contact'...no matter what she does on her end of things. If you don't want her emails, block them. If you do want to put out your own 'feeler', respond something like, "Thanks for thinking about me. Hope you are well", and see if you get anything more personal back. Worth keeping in mind, though, that she may just like the idea of having you on the 'back burner' in case she needs someone later on. Could be that there is an ulterior motive to her "group email forwards". I'd suggest to just trust your own instincts and go by what you know about her.
Author Jake C Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Thanks for the post, I think what you're saying is correct. I am fairly confident that there's someone else. The relationship was so great and intense that it's really the only reason I can think of as to why she fell off so quickly, and was so short about the reasons why. Whenever we did talk about the break up she would always have a different reason or excuse. I think it could be another girl because she had stated that she was once in a relationship with another woman and it makes sense. There were other signs and other statements as well that lead me to this conclusion. Whether she's seeing another man or woman doesn't really matter at this point. The forwarded e-mails confuse me because I'm not sure why she would send them. Is it out of pity? Is she just trying to let me know she's stil there? Is she feeling guilty about what she did? Is she trying to keep contact open, if so why? We live so far apart and she's not the type to confide in me about issues in her life, so why would she want to stay in cotact or even stay friends. I gave her the opportunity to get out and never come back? You may be right about her alterior motive, I'm just not sure what to do with it. I feel like if I ignore her then I'm saying goodbye to a friendship, which I would accept over nothing at all. At the same time if I responded, yes it would let her know that I'm still cool with her and I'm all good, but it would also prop up her ego or relieve her guilt which I don't feel she deserves right now. I guess I'll keep no contact going, at least for my own healing, I just hope it doesn't backfire on me. Thanks again for your post.
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