wmast Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 My story is a simple one: Ex fiance abruptly left me for another guy 5 months ago after 4 years. She came back 2 months into the breakup saying she made a mistake and wanted to work on things (I was NC the entire time). She pretty much stringed me along as she never broke it off with the other guy but would continue to tell me she would and that she wanted a future with me. I feel like a fool for even giving her another chance to fix things. I mean if someone leaves you for someone else, they are in essence saying "you are no longer worth building a future with when I compare you to the next person". That hurts alot and that should have been the ultimate deal breaker for me. But NOO, I let her back into my life and she hurt me again! I was finally moving on, I was finally getting over the fact that she changed and the changed her wasn't someone I wanted in my life. But her tears, her words of regret melted my heart and I let her in. When I realized that it wasn't her intent to leave the guy (after 3 months of her claiming she would), I told her to NEVER contact me again. She simply replied, "sorry things had to turn out this way". Another slap in the face! If she was truly sorry she wouldn't have dragged me along... or she would simply end it with the guy. I'm wondering why I feel like I NEED her in my life. We dated for 4 years but were best friends for 4 years previous to that. She has been such a part of me. The man I've become can be attributed, in part, to her being in my life. We've stuck by each other through life's ups and downs and we only became stronger and stronger. I felt and still feel that she is "the one". She was my bestfriend in the whole world and she turned her back on me. I guess the betrayal, the disloyalty, the lies from someone you care for is what hurts the most. It also hurts that she’s building memories with someone else. She was better off leaving and never contacting me again. She showed me another side to her; a cruel side by dragging things out even longer. I know this seems like rambling but I just can't cope. I can't deal with the idea that she turned out to be someone who ISN'T caring of my feelings. Worst of all, 3 weeks after I told her to never contact me again, she sends me a message telling me how I promised to always be by her side and begging for me to call her back. She was making it seem like I ended it with her. So selfish. The NC is obviously killing her as it did when I implemented it in the beginning but she's confused and doesn't know what she wants in life. I haven't responded to her message and don't plan on responding but part of me is thinking, "maybe this is my chance". I just don't know what to do. I want the pain to stop but I want her in my life. I want to be there for her but I don't want to be strung along. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless. I can't stop thinking about her and my situation and it has been 5 months! Had she never come back I'm pretty sure that I'd be almost over it by now but just knowing that she still has feelings for me, knowing that she's confused has me questioning whether or not I should act. I'm exhausted. There is a very beautiful girl who is interested in me but I can’t open up to the idea of being with someone else. I don't want a new girl, I don't want to have to meet a new family, new friends. Everything was fine! My ex was the perfect girl for me... We grew up together! I'm so weak right now- Someone please help me.
EmperorR Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Keep going NC, we've all been there, hell its thanksgiving day here (canada), and i'm all alone, feeling like crap, feeling the urge just to contact to get my little high my little fix but I will not. Continue NC, don't contact her, when she contacts you don't reply don't answer, don't be a doormat, your a hall of famer putting up career stats don't play backup.
fabulousgal Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 My ex was the perfect girl for me... We grew up together! Does your idea of the perfect girl for you break off your engagement, cheat on you, string you along, choose mr 5 months, and then whine about how YOU SAID you'd always be there? I doubt it highly, this is painful, I can't even imagine it...but if you let it take its course and not talk to this sucubus, you will recover and look back it this woman for the selfish person she is. You deserve better.
You'reasian Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 My ex was the perfect girl for me... We grew up together! Does your idea of the perfect girl for you break off your engagement, cheat on you, string you along, choose mr 5 months, and then whine about how YOU SAID you'd always be there? I doubt it highly, this is painful, I can't even imagine it...but if you let it take its course and not talk to this sucubus, you will recover and look back it this woman for the selfish person she is. You deserve better. Well put, fabulousgal. The OP has been a doormat for so long to this woman - chances are, the woman did not even tell mr. 5 months that you to were still married (or atleast seeing each other). She uses crying to get what she wants. Not a good sign. Stand up for yourself, brush it off and move on. Find yourself someone else.
Whitefox123 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Well I'm somewhat in your situation.... I was left by the ex fiance and then basically strung along now for the last 3.5 months. I am FINALLY feeling strong again because I'm tired of the games! It's not worth it.... So my advice to you is dont fall into her trap again....she is just going to probably end up hurting you again...sadly. It is so hard to think that someone who was our best friend...someone who we loved so dearly has the ability to emotionally scar us....but it happens. She now needs to pay the consequences for her actions....even if she is really sorry and does really miss you. My way of looking at it is...you are just one person closer to finding "the one". Just try to stay strong and go out and do something you've always wanted to do but havent...or just try to occupy your time with things that dont remind you of her!
Author wmast Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 My way of looking at it is...you are just one person closer to finding "the one". Just try to stay strong and go out and do something you've always wanted to do but havent...or just try to occupy your time with things that dont remind you of her! But the problem for me is what if I feel like she IS "the one" because she's all I know?! Also, everything I see reminds me of her. Everything I see around me reminds me of things we did together. We were pretty much inseparable for our whole relationship. She was my girlfriend, bestfriend, and like a sister to me. I really don't know what to do anymore. It has been 5 months and I'm just going backwards.
Author wmast Posted October 16, 2008 Author Posted October 16, 2008 I've been getting no sleep due to my excessive thinking about her. I don't know anymore. The worst part about it is I WAS ALMOST HEALED! Her coming back then leaving again really screwed my head up. I don't know what's real anymore. I go day to day, everything seems to be a blurr. I just want to be over her already. Her calling me and leaving messages saying she NEEDS to talk to me doesn't help. It was better when she just left and left me alone. Ugh. I dont want to sound like a cry baby but this is really tough. It's been 5 months and I feel like I'm going backwards
Sysyphus28 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 You aren't being a crybaby. She is not being fair to you. Take a stand.
SoundTribe Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 I know how you feel buddy. Me and my ex were good friends for 3 years and we began dating for a year and a half. We were deeply in love and I thought she was the one. She was so dependent on me and it was cute, but then we went to college together and two weeks later we were done. Moral of the story is, you don't know anybody ever. A lot of girls act out of self-interest, and if the pros of leaving you outweigh the cons you can kiss your ass good-bye.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 if the pros of leaving you outweigh the cons you can kiss your ass good-bye. Yup I would think that should be true in any situation... if the bad in a relationship outweighs the good, then you SHOULD get out, you deserve better! Why settle for less than happy?
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