padparadscha Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I find that meeting someone in NY is difficult when you have certain standards and values and desires from a partner and yourself:bunny:. I dont live in the city, I live in Long Island. Did you know that the city is a totally different animal than Long Island? Well, NYC is more tolerant of differences and uniquely paired partners. Long Island is a pretty racist. You see, I would like to meet a partner who is educated with an advance degree. Not a bachleors degree, but rather a masters, Ph.D. Ed.D, law degree, medical degree or something:rolleyes:.... Majority of single men on Long Island with that are white males. NYC, the mix is vast. My point is most white males in long island will not date outside their race. The city, never has that issue. So I find myself quite often dating the wrong type of man. A man who does not have my values, education or morals. I keep these relationships for years. Many more than a mere 4 or 5 years, but they are never relationships that lead to a future because the man finds me to be too much for him on so many levels and eventually leaves me for someone more on his level. Can you imagine what it feels like to lose someone after 8 or 9 or 11 years of dating them? But its not as if it could have worked out differently when we were never equally matched. So I am alone. I am strong, yet at times I feel so weak. Alone is do-able, but not so wonderful. So I need advice because I want so much to meet someone who can build a future with me. I am so tired of going at this solo! So, please tell me what internet site is a good site for meeting serious minded men who are on my level? Or is the internet even a good idea for such a quest? If not what dating service is highly recommended? Or if not what suggestions do you have, knowing once again, I live in Long Island, not the city and meeting men is not an issue. However meeting men that want to date someone not white, who are as educated as I am or more, meeting men who dont have credit card debt and child support they cant pay and dont live with their mamas and dont have two or three kids by different women is really hard---nearly impossible. I have done speed dating on Long Island and its funny, no matter how charming I am and no matter how well dressed or ...the point is the men who interest me are not interested in me:o. The men who are interested in me are not equally matched to me and I been there, done that and I am so tired of spending years with someone only for my heart to be broken by someone who says, "I tried to make it work. I like you so much. I love you:love:. I want to remain friends:). I just dont like the things you like and I pretended to:sick:. But I want to go back to smoking pot and dating women and drinking the way I used to. When I am with you I feel guilty for wanting those things."
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I really can't see the type of men you are looking for being on the internet (speaking from experience we PhD's tend to be quite sociable). If you can afford the time and money then why not do a part time masters or similar at a Grad School? - that will give you access to an abundance of many men of the type you are looking for, and give you another degree too.
Author padparadscha Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Ah, it is what I expected. That type would not be on the internet. You confirmed my assumption. I figured, maybe a handful, but not man at all. Thanks for the advice regarding going back, unfortuantely I am all schooled out. EXHAUSTED!!!! I did a triple major as an undergrad and I completed my masters plus 75. I was going for the Ph.D, but then decided I wanted a bit of a life and didn't want the commitment of studying, so I spent four or five years writing and I just completed my first published novel after five years of working on it. I think when it comes to education, I have left that train, since my life was constant education. I did meet someone when I studied in China and I met someone in Britain. However, I never met someone here in N.Y. Someone close to me. Those other men became pen pals that years later married. Funny I had many foreign male friends that were highly educated that eventually got married. Just never anyone here in America.
rod_in_gtown Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Most men in america... (heck the world really) don't really have the means to go on long-winded studies. generally only those with well-to-do families. And generally they won't really wander around the net for possible mates. Have you considered joining a group of like-minded individuals? Mensa comes to mind, most people there seem to have an advanced level of understanding, though their requirements are pretty stringent, you can take their test to see if you fit their criteria but you can only take it once. If you don't pass, then you're out for life. Book clubs? What about taking only a few courses? Art Galleries?
Green Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Seriously I think its silly for you to require a guy to have some kind of masters level degree or above. I'm not really sure what race you are, but I think guys on LI would date a black girl for instance if they thought she was hot. good luck
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Seriously I think its silly for you to require a guy to have some kind of masters level degree or above. I'm not really sure what race you are, but I think guys on LI would date a black girl for instance if they thought she was hot. good luck I can completely understand it, from the perspective of being on the same wavelength. I haven't dated someone without at least a very good first degree, just wouldn't be able to communicate in a meaningful way.
Author padparadscha Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Seriously I think ...I think guys on LI would date a black girl for instance if they thought she was hot. good luck Hahahhaha ah you caught me. That is my biggest down fall. My mother and I look like twins. She holds the self confidence of a goddess, not even a queen. My mother can get almost any man. She has many men (especially medical doctors) willing to leave their wives for her---which of course becomes a challenge for dad to constantly one up them. She always tells me that my lack of self confidence will destroy me. She constantly tells me that the men are there, but they wont look at me if I dont "act feminate". I do admit I look like my mother. We are both black females... I am mixed for my father is German,Italian and black and my mother is black and Cherokee blood. My students can only slightly tell the difference, because at her age, she looks like we are both 35. Yet unlike my mother, I never learned to truly feel good inside. Recently, I left a 6 year relationship. I found out that my "boyfriend" was living with another woman for 2 years. I was crushed, but my self esteem suddenly became so low, that I was trying all I could to win back his heart. He toyed with me, making me think he ended things, but in the end I wound up leaving him because he was trying to hold onto two women (he still is in a way). My reaction should have been anger, but instead I was feeling so lost as to what I did to cause him to hate me so much he'd do that to me.
Author padparadscha Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 I haven't dated someone without at least a very good first degree, just wouldn't be able to communicate in a meaningful way. Yes, you have been very smart. For all my book knowledge, I have been stupid for continuing to date people who are fun to be with, but lack vision and drive. I dont think it's silly at all to want a man with education and money especially since I have it. I have vacationed with others or alone, because men I date dont have money even for a movie at times. I on the other had come from a family that spends money like water even in this recession. Therefore, I think it is me finally maturing and realizing that if I keep dating men with no college background, I will always have the same types of issues in a relationship. These men stay with me for years, but I am always exposing them to so many cultural things. I am trying to get them to accompany me to a play on one of Shakespeares tragedies. You see, I find that although they try to hang with me, they are not as interested in things I am because they dont know the value of certain things. I get excited when Hamelet is playing. So they will come with me but they dont really enjoy the play, only my company. I therefore think its time to grow up and for the first time ever date someone with higher education. At the same token, like the last man I was with, a person who values their job and has pride in themselves, may cheat but they will use a condom to protect themselves. They wont say things like, "I looked at her...shes clean, shes not sick." The men I have dated dont have health insurance or dental, yet they are older than me with children. So I am ready to date someone on my level and I dont think for a moment it is silly, I think it is my wises choice in a long time! I dont have an issue with what I want, only with how to get it, especially since the type I am attracted to are equally attracted to me. This is a problem because the type I need to be with dont interest me as much as the sexy construction worker who works off the books! But I want more out of life than simple attraction, I am ready for the whole nine yards.
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