Rudeger Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 There was a girl I really liked for ages, but she told me she didn't feel romantically for me. She just didn't see me the way that I saw her. Anywho we still talk quite often, and are fairly close friends, When she mentioned she doesn't really have many friends to go out with I told her that I knew some good jazz clubs (she likes jazz) and she seemed quite enthusiastic to want to go with me to these clubs. Unfortunately it's exam time at the moment so not much chance of going out for a while. I was thinking of asking her to lunch after school sometime, as I would really like to meet up with her, seeing as we don't see each other often (different schools). My question is mostly directed to the women. Is she just being polite to me by saying that she would like to meet up, seeing as she doesn't want to date me. Girls, would you hang out with a guy who you know has a crush on you, but you don't feel the same? Note of course that I am not planning on making moves on her, I have more class than that. I just really want to get to know her better. So basically I'm just worried that I might be shooting myself in the foot by asking her to hang out. Most of our conversations are on msn, so it's sometimes hard to tell what she's really feeling. I just don't want to appear like a "dorkus maximus" by foolishly asking her to hang out and she flat out rejects me because she was only being polite...
Geishawhelk Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 She's just going to be a hang-out buddy. Her feelings will not change miraculously over night, and even if they do, they might take time. But I fear this is just going to develop into a friendship. You'll see I'm right when she starts dating another guy. Which she will, because she's made her feelings quite clear to you. She rather hopes you got that message first time round.....
Author Rudeger Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Well actually, being just a hang out buddy wouldn't crush me. I'm really happy when around her. Of course I'm always going to be pining for her though, she's been a hard one to get over. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm just hoping she'll warm up to a relationship, however that i know thats really unlikely. I really do want to hang out with her as friends, but I'm just worried that it will feel weird, cause she knows that I want her. Just on that last point, I don't know if she would be the type to get a boyfriend. She actually hasn't dated at all during our high school life, so I'm kind of thinking maybe thats why she doesn't want to date me... she doesn't want to ruin our friendship perhaps?
Suiyobi Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I'm not a girl but I do think she genuinely respects and enjoys your friendship.
bigmanpayne Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 you two can still hang out even though you want to be with her. the problem would be you and not her. if you ever want a chance of her changing her feelings about you, you should just be cool and ignore her. not her, but ignore your feelings for her. act like it's nothing to you to be around her. dont get upset if she mentions another guy; when you ask her out dont do it like you are asking her on a date - act like it's no big deal; dont expect too much from you 2 hanging out. you might find out that you like her friendship too much to ever have your relationship go elsewhere.
MAR Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 As a female with several male friends that I'm not romantically interested in, I would say that she wants and enjoys your friendship. Her reasons for not dating could be related to many things and if you're in highschool then I can only assume that she's still young. Not everyone dates in highschool - I didn't. She just may not be ready or interested in dating at this point in her life. She mentioned to you that she doesn't have a lot of friends and her enthusiasm with you suggested that the two of you hang out just tells me wants your friendship. I really don't think she's just being polite. She likely mentioned the little friends she has hoping you might suggest something. The hardest part will be for you, as others have mentioned. You'll need to respect her boundaries and her decision to not be romantically involved with you. You'll also need to be prepared if she decides to date someone else and how this might make you feel. Good luck
Author Rudeger Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Thanks for the advice. Yeah... it will be hard for me if she finds someone else, but theres not much I can do about it. She's allowed to date who she wants, and I respect that. Due to our different schools we have not had many 1 on 1 encounters in last few years. That's kind of the main reason that I was hesitant to ask her to hang, I don't want her to get the impression that it's a romantic date or that I'm hitting on her. All I really want is too take her out and have a good time. If she wants something more I think she knows what to do I've decided I think I will indeed ask her to lunch next week or something to gauge her reaction and see what happens from there.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 she told me she didn't feel romantically for me. That's the bottom line.
rod_in_gtown Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I had the same happen to me. It was very hard to get over her but I still wanted to hang out with her. After many years of battling my own personal feelings for her, and a lot of patience and care from her, I was able to turn those feelings into friend love for her. She's now one of my best friends. I don't know that I'd want to try it again with someone else but with her, it was definitely worth the hurt. No, you're not shooting yourself in the foot by asking her out. You might if you make a move on her.
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