sedgwick Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 So, I've been away from the site for a while because I needed to focus on my book and my new job and try to stop thinking so much about Joe. Things are going well -- I sent chapters to my favorite writer, with whom I have developed a friendship since I sold the book (which still amazes me) and she wrote back and said, "I am extremely very very impressed." This is the woman whose book made me write mine, so of course that meant a tremendous amount to me. And what's more, she's coming here to visit me next week! I was totally shocked when she told me she wanted to come here and get tattooed by my artist and meet me in person. I'm so honored! Furthermore, I got a full-time job working with an organization that helps homeless LGBT youth find housing, jobs, and education. It has been incredibly rewarding and is far and away the best job I've ever had. Helping other people is really good for grief. I basically asked myself what was ONE THING in the world I knew for sure was better than old-time music, and what I thought of was helping homeless people find homes. So I contacted this organization, they happened to be hiring, and I got the job! The kids are just amazing and I am SO honored to get to work with them. I really need to think that I am as far along in my career and as good of a person as Joe, and I'm beginning to think that. I just finished crocheting a big hand-dyed blanket for my parents, and when I sent my mom pics she wrote to tell me it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen and that she would always treasure having something like that made by her daughter. My mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship, to say the least, so the fact that we're getting to be friends makes me really happy. I do love her a lot, and after years of totally not understanding each other, I feel we're beginning to. Also, I stopped smoking pot. I realized it was making me lie around thinking about Joe way too much. Whenever I smoked I got really maudlin about the whole situation, and I was pretty much smoking all day, every day after he left. Four days ago I smoked my last bowl and I feel incredible. I won't say I'll never smoke again, but for now I'm really enjoying being sober and having the energy that entails. I've also eaten WAY less than I used to, and I would love to lose some weight. I got an email from a photographer the other day who had seen photos of me dancing and wanted to do a shoot with me at Coney Island and Times Square. We're doing it on the 24th, and I really want to be thinner by then. I need to feel some confidence in my body. I need to feel beautiful. I am still very much in love with Joe and feel that I always will be, and I still think about him pretty much every minute of the day. But my new job and the fact that I'm VERY close to being finished with my book make me feel really good. I feel, now, that I am ALMOST as good as he is.
Violetta Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Well done!! Your posts show that you feel things very deeply, so to have made all that progress while still in pain over the ex is a great achievment. I agree that getting involved in a job that helps others, or charitable work is powerful medicine. Taking on and succeeding with an ambitious fundraising project while I was grieving the ex was the single most helpful thing I did to aid my healing.
JooLee Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 i was wondering about you the other day. you were so down before and im so glad to hear this from you. you're progressing and keep going. from your footsteps and strenght others will learn to keep moving n stay strong too. life is not over yet for you.. it just started. all the best to you!
Issues & tissues Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Sedge, I don't often post here but I do log in on most days and I often look out for posts by you. So glad to hear that you have made so much progress since we last heard from you. Do keep us posted from time to time.
frd150 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Hey Sedge, You are better and do not forget that. Im thinking its only a matter of time before someone sees how interesting you really are and snaps you up.Any time now... Youll be thinking "Joe,whos that? Oh yeah" All positive stuff,good update.
quankanne Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 sedg, I'm truly impressed by the varied areas of creativity you possess – any one of those things you mention stands alone, but to be able to do all of them? Wow! I'm especially excited about your crochet project, and your mom's reaction to it, I admire the heck out of people who are able to create that kind of art with their hands, I think it died with my mom because none of us kids crochet the way she had. as for Joe ... well, time will temper the hurt and the missing him part, so don't let it get the best of you, you know?
lovesparis Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 glad to see you're doing well. thanks for checking in! you really seem to have grabbed your life head on and are making the best of it. more power to you, girl.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Good for you Seg!; I'm glad you are keeping yourself occupied and opening new doors. I remember talking to you quite a while back and I am familiar with your situation. Keep us posted as to your progress, we are all listening. Live and love, Best Regards, Roost
SarahT111 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Hi!! I was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you are! Im so glad you posted this! Its so great that you are doing so much better!! Im so happy for you! Heres to great times ahead!
Author sedgwick Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Im thinking its only a matter of time before someone sees how interesting you really are and snaps you up.Any time now... Oh, I don't expect to ever be with anyone again. I've never had a partner I didn't pursue and ask out on the first date, and I still love Joe very much, so I'm not planning to pursue anyone else. I promised Joe I would always love him and I meant that. Whether he loves me or not is beside the point. I know that all I'll ever have is my memories of him, but that has to be enough. Plus I literally NEVER get flirted with, ever. Although, I am bellydancing solo this weekend at a big show in which I was really honored to be invited to participate, and when I dance I get to feel sexy for a few minutes even if it's not really true! Oh well, at least I got to be really in love for a year and to believe (even though I was wrong) that he was in love with me too. I'm pretty sure that's as close as I'll ever get to the real thing, but I'm trying to remember that all the other stuff I have in my life is almost as good! And if I keep working hard maybe someday I really can be as good a person as Joe.
northstar1 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Oh, I don't expect to ever be with anyone again. I've never had a partner I didn't pursue and ask out on the first date, and I still love Joe very much, so I'm not planning to pursue anyone else. I promised Joe I would always love him and I meant that. Whether he loves me or not is beside the point. I know that all I'll ever have is my memories of him, but that has to be enough. Plus I literally NEVER get flirted with, ever. Although, I am bellydancing solo this weekend at a big show in which I was really honored to be invited to participate, and when I dance I get to feel sexy for a few minutes even if it's not really true! Oh well, at least I got to be really in love for a year and to believe (even though I was wrong) that he was in love with me too. I'm pretty sure that's as close as I'll ever get to the real thing, but I'm trying to remember that all the other stuff I have in my life is almost as good! And if I keep working hard maybe someday I really can be as good a person as Joe. Do you think it's possible you are still so focussed on the past and Joe, that you are not even noticing that men are flirting or interested? You already seem like a much better person than Joe, and I am certain there are other men out there who would like to be a part of that.
Author sedgwick Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Do you think it's possible you are still so focussed on the past and Joe, that you are not even noticing that men are flirting or interested? I am 100% certain that men are neither flirting nor interested! Even when I bellydance they don't come up and talk to me or anything. If guys don't want to talk to you when you're half-naked, that's a pretty good sign they're not even looking at you when you're clothed!
frd150 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Oh, I don't expect to ever be with anyone again. I've never had a partner I didn't pursue and ask out on the first date, and I still love Joe very much, so I'm not planning to pursue anyone else. I promised Joe I would always love him and I meant that. Whether he loves me or not is beside the point. I know that all I'll ever have is my memories of him, but that has to be enough. Plus I literally NEVER get flirted with, ever. Although, I am bellydancing solo this weekend at a big show in which I was really honored to be invited to participate, and when I dance I get to feel sexy for a few minutes even if it's not really true! Oh well, at least I got to be really in love for a year and to believe (even though I was wrong) that he was in love with me too. I'm pretty sure that's as close as I'll ever get to the real thing, but I'm trying to remember that all the other stuff I have in my life is almost as good! And if I keep working hard maybe someday I really can be as good a person as Joe. Hey Sedge, :)Well Id like to dissagree with that first sentence but I realize that there is no way for me to change your thinking via L/S. I think (now this is just me) that one day something will happen that will change your thinking. That said.... Funny thing about flirting. I had an account rep sitting at my desk a couple of days ago. Shes pretty cute. Well stupid/blind me I didnt realize she was flirting with me. It took two other co-workers to convince me that she was. Point is maybe you (like me) just aren't seeing it. I dunno just a thought. Keep doing the good things you are doing and you will attract good people. You never know what can come out of that. Have fun this weekend!!
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