lahso Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Hi ya'll, Looking for some women's input on a new girl I've been dating... The details are below if you see how we ended up here, but I'm gonna get straight to the question... On the third date, she told me she didn't want to have sex w/ me because she likes me, usually gets physically involved before emotionally, and wanted to spend the time to do this right. She also told me she has baggage (who doesn't, though)... Any kind of a physical slow down is always read negatively by a guy, so I couldn't help but feel like she's not into me. She told me not to overthink it, and she wants it to be a surprise and happen naturally, not something we're expected to do. She also told me if we had sex, she probably wouldn't talk to me next week b/c its one of her patterns... and she wants to break the cycle. Quite honestly, it's one of my cycles too, and I respect the hell out of her for trying. You know, after the chase is gone, then what's left.... substance! Its a weird sign to me, especially considering how the first few dates went... what do you think? Is she legit? does she really like me and want to do it right, or is she just using me as a test subject b/c there's not something there? Wow, it comes across weird in words, but that's the simplest way to describe it. I'd love anyone's feedback on what they think is really going through her head, and what my tactics should be... Thanks, Jason **************** Here's the back-story, if you're interested: Met a incredibly wonderful girl a few weeks back in a business scenario. We flirted, and after our business was done, I asked her out. (I don't date people I work with). She accepted. Date 1: She came to my place, we went to a great dinner, came back, ended up in a make-out session, and got pretty hot-and-heavy in my bed... Then we went for a 2 hr walk on the beach and had an amazing time. Honestly, a dream date for me, and I think she felt the same. Date 2: I picked her up for a dinner b/c she had other plans with her friends later. She told me that she thought about me alot, it made her smile when i txted her, etc, etc... We had a very physical dinner and then I went back to drop her off, w/ another pretty heavy session in the car before she left (kinda reminded me of high-school) Date 2.5: She met me for lunch one day... Nice lunch, walked her to her car, couple of nice kisses... she left. Txted me that she made me happy. Now as a side-note, we've only talked on the phone once, but txt almost every day, and txt a lot. I try and resist txting her some days, just to play it cool and not seem to into her... but the reality is, I am... I like this girl a lot. We have a lot in common, and though there's a pretty big age difference (me 32/ her 22), its not an issue to either of us. Date 3: My place, I cook a great dinner, have a few glasses of wine, then watch a bunch of random crap on the internet. We begin to make out, then she stopped... said she wanted to take it slow. Cut to the story above... We still hung out in bed for several hours after this, just making out, no hot-and-heavy action, and talking... about lots of things... I still really enjoyed it.
pretty professional Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 It's only date 3, there is no rush. Get to know her better and start a relationship.
Jilly Bean Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I think its a combination. She DOES genuinely like you, and she DOES genuinely not want to screw things up and repeat her bad patterns. Just let it evolve. If you like her as GF material, then the time getting to know each other before intimacy will only further your bond once you do have sex.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I believe her. You've only had three dates! The more understanding you are about it, the sooner she'll feel comfortable progressing to sex. And it'll be that much hotter after waiting a while and getting to know each other.
Geishawhelk Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Just as an aside, lahso.... what's the hurry? When do you expect to have sex with any girl you've just started dating?
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 She's sounds mature You don't She's being honest with you perhaps you should try to appreciate it.
Author lahso Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 thanks for the replies... I'm actually not in any rush, I'm cool to wait... I like this girl, and quite honestly, I'd rather it evolve naturally. Sex is sex, building a relationship is the hard (and fun) part. I was more curious if it was a honest statement from her, or if theres something else going on. thanks, everyone... J
amymarieca Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 This is a very good sign that the girl is definitely into you! In my past experiences, I have always waited to sleep with a guy that I actually want to get to know better. My friends all say the same thing too. I always fear that if I give it up to a guy too soon that he won't take me seriously and just think I am loose. It is a stupid double standard that still exists today. This girl probably just wants you to respect her.
bobdole Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Its possible she was on her period and just didn't want to tell you that. Just saying its possible.
TigerCub Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I think the girl was being honest. I'm that way too. If I like a guy and would like to have some kind of meaningful relationship with him, I wouldn't put out too soon. Besides, the anticipation and everything that leads upto it makes things more exciting!
Angel1111 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Who says you're supposed to have sex on the 3rd date? Is that a rule or something? I hope not. Besides, that needs to be spontaneous, not something that you're expecting because you've reached the magic #3. I think what she said to you was a compliment. She knows the pattern and wants to break the cycle. I think people get physically involved way too fast and it tends to backfire. She's being very upfront with you. I'm sure if she didn't want to date you, you'd know about it.
Al_Bundy Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Nothing wrong with a woman wanting to wait for sex if she likes you and doesn't want to ruin things. What would be bad is if while making you wait to have sex if she was having sex with someone else to tide her over until she was ready for you. Hence you must not have been worth "the wait".
AriaIncognito Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I personally would want to take things slow if i was with somebody I saw any sort of potential with. Perhaps she is the same way. You've not been out that many times. If you're still this way at 3 months, then I'd say maybe you have something to question, but otherwise, I'd say just go with it and see what comes. (no pun intended there lol)
Author lahso Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Thanks... I hope you all are right. Last date was Thursday - she's been pretty aloof since then. I feel like I'm chasing her now and I don't think that's what either of us want. What's next? Let her call/txt? J
Okeydokey Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 hey lahso - i read the whole thread. it honestly sounds like you're over analyzing it. if she had gone straight to intimacy, you would have worried: "how come she doesn't want to talk?" and if it is mostly talk and then later intimacy, you'll have the opposite worry. it is hard to find the perfect balance at the beginning of intimacy and talk, right? i would say play it cool, let her be the one to get in touch. try not to read something into it that is not there. my guess - if she has an m.o., and is set on trying to change it, then she is trying to decide whether you really are different from the other guys she's dated in the past. if you are acting like you are really worried about sex, she might conclude that even though you guys have a good connection, you are still just like the previous dudes she dated. hmmm?
rod_in_gtown Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 She sounds like she's very much into you. Being physical and at the same time resisting going all the way tells me she's into more than just fun. I say she souds like a keeper. Don't rush it, take it slow, one of the great things about the beginnings of a relationship is both the mystery and the anticipation.
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