kbye48 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Hey, I recently went through the ends of an incredible 4 year relationship. First I’m going to apologize for the long post. I just can’t think of any way to shorten it without giving you a decent idea for what happened. I was 20 when we started dating, and she was my first girlfriend. I know I don’t have much experience with different relationships, but I just wanted my first serious one to be special.. and it truly was. We were crazy in love for about 3 years. It was amazing how well things worked between us. But about a year and a half ago we went on a trip, and she meet up with some old friends including this guy that she’s always been close friends with. Ever since that trip things started going downhill between us. She talked to this guy every night on the internet and almost every night on the phone. A lot of the time she’d talk to him for hours on the phone. I asked her several times about them, but she insisted that nothing was going on.. or if she had feeling for him.. and she also said those feelings weren’t there.. But I knew she was lying because I accidentally came upon something that she wrote saying that she was having serious feelings for this guy. I was devastated, but said nothing about it to her because I should have never seen what she wrote, and I just wanted her to be honest about it. About 9 months ago she said that things in out relationship went way too fast and that she lost touch of who she was, and that she wanted to move out.. Then a week or two later she want the option to see other people.. Then we weren’t on a “break” anymore. And now she’s dating that same guy. So I guess I’m just supposed to be that great guy she loved for 3 years, and say nothing that it’s all a big coincidence that they started dating right after we broke up. She seems to be happy with the idea of being friends, but I don’t know if I can handle that. She says she doesn’t want to lose this friendship between us. She acts like she did nothing wrong, and maybe she didn’t, but I just feel like I’ve been slowly allowing her to manipulate me so I could keep on her good side. I don’t know… I just don’t know where to go from here. I still love here and don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do with her? How do I move on? Is there anyway to prevent this in the future? Thanks for your help.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I am so sorry for what has happened. A similar thing happened to me. My first love and I dated 2.5 yrs then he started talking to this one girl - CONSTANTLY. I called him on his actions, but he denied them. Still, they hurt me deeply, and he was becoming distant. So I dumped him, he agreed, and I wanted him back for two weeks. He moved on to a new girl literally 4 days after the break up - this girl he was talking to. How do you move on? Tell yourself shes a monster for hurting you in that way and not being honest. Accept that people grow apart, and meet other people, and grow with them. She was your first love, but certainly not your last. The sooner you start moving on, the sooner you'll find that next love!! As for how to prevent this in the future? Nextime you date a girl, and she does this sort of thing - nip it in the bud. End things right away, don't sit and wait for the results you know are coming.
Konfuzion Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 The way to prevent this in the future is to kick her to the curb when you see she is developing a relationship with another man, especially when you find that she tells him she has strong feelings for him. For now I think you should just go no contact with her and work on making yourself a better person, for you.
You'reasian Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 The way to prevent this in the future is to kick her to the curb when you see she is developing a relationship with another man, especially when you find that she tells him she has strong feelings for him. For now I think you should just go no contact with her and work on making yourself a better person, for you. Is it okay to say I love you to your friend of the opposite sex even though you've got a significant other?
Konfuzion Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Is it okay to say I love you to your friend of the opposite sex even though you've got a significant other? I guess that depends on each specific relationship, what may be ok in one isnt always ok in another. And I think thats a question you would have to ask your partner.
You'reasian Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I guess that depends on each specific relationship, what may be ok in one isnt always ok in another. And I think thats a question you would have to ask your partner. I agree with you 100%. Yeah, I think it would be wise to consider my girlfriend first about these things rather than just come up with a justification for my behavior - afterall, my girlfriend should come first, right? I'm being a little obvious I guess...
sedgwick Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Honestly, she doesn't deserve your friendship. No contact is totally the way to go here.
trueblue72ny Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 i agree on the no contact. as much as it sucks!! disappear. take a break for at least a couple months.
Author kbye48 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Yeah.. This sucks. I hate how when she does see me she's all happy, and she sees me all depressed and tells me all i need is to meet someone new. She tells me i'm not trying hard enough. I don't think it would be fair to whomever i got into a quick relationship with. She tries to be like my relationship counselor. i don't know maybe NC is the way to go. i just want to make the right choice because so far it seems like I've made all the wrong ones.
Hersheys Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Yeah.. This sucks. I hate how when she does see me she's all happy, and she sees me all depressed and tells me all i need is to meet someone new. She tells me i'm not trying hard enough. I don't think it would be fair to whomever i got into a quick relationship with. She tries to be like my relationship counselor. i don't know maybe NC is the way to go. i just want to make the right choice because so far it seems like I've made all the wrong ones. Ouch. NC for sure. It's hard but you have to leave her alone not for her but for your own sake. She's now with someone else and it's obvious that she doesn't want to give the current one up. Don't show her your feelings anymore. Everytime she sees you depressed gives her a huge ego boost as it proves that your not completely over her and still want her. Don't let her be your relationship counselor or even a friend. Show her that you can take care of yourself and that you can be happy on your own too by living your life separately and away from her.
trueblue72ny Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 dude, you have to reach deep down and find the well of strength that resides within you on this one. who does she think she is talking to you like that when she knows your hurting. i agree with hersheys - dont let her be your relationship counselor or even a friend. be better than her. put up a front if you have too. suck it up when you see her and put up the biggest front. make her think her leaving was a good thing. and eventually it will come true.
Author kbye48 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Posted October 20, 2008 thanks so much for all your help.. so after much thought i've decided that i'm going to go through with NC.. it's going to hurt right now, but i think it will better me in the long run.
EmperorR Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Don't be friends it will just delay the promise. Ah my ex was the same cheated on me and had the nerve to say let's be friends.
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