tepthatass Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 What is the best way to get an ex-girlfriend back? Also, what are some signs she can give you that she wants you back?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Theres this old saying "How can I miss you if you won't go away?". Go no contact, cut her out for as long as it takes. No checking in on her, not once! No cheating on no contact or else she can't miss you. You cannot make someone love you again, especially if they have decided to move on. The best thing you can do, the very best, is give them space. Let them do what they want. If you cling to them or try with them, you won't accomplish much except annoying them. You may think talking to your ex about just happy things will win them over, but it wont. Just leave them alone. If you read these forums, there are a large amount of posts about dumpee's getting a call a year or so later from their ex, in which case their ex seems to be half wanting them back. Generally the dumpee's in these situations have moved on though! Its funny, I think and ex only really comes back once you've moved on. I firmly believe that. So as backwards as it sounds - let go of all hope. Live your life, become happy and sexy and confident again. They'll come back someday, but the fact is, by then you probably wont want them anymore.
Caitlan Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 You don't give any details. Details on why you broke up are important. One thing to never do with a woman (or a guy) is to beg, stalk, email/text or play games. without the details it's hard to know what to tell you.
Author tepthatass Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 So basically, i date this girl for a month and a half. I was her first, before me all she did was kiss a guy. So we took the relationship very fast, we broke up because she thought i just wanted sex, and was clingy. I texted her constantly which only made it worse, but then took two weeks of not contacting her at all. And then i saw her this weekend at the bar. She was staring at me, was with her girlfriends the entire night, and never talked to any guys. I didnt say hi the first couple times but then finally said hi and bye to her at the bar. Then went to talk to some girls at the bar with my buddy and she left five minutes later. Her friends the next night saw me holding a girls hands and started laughing, but the girl was strictly a friend. I tried to refriend my ex today on facebook and she denied it so i dont know what to think. Thought? Is she still interested in me? What should i do from here?
CaliGuy Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 What is the best way to get an ex-girlfriend back? Also, what are some signs she can give you that she wants you back? There is no sure-fire way. In fact, the harder you try to get them back, the more you will screw things up. Ironically, the best chance to win them back is to move on with your life. Completely forget about them and start living a fun, happy life. The more you try to make them come back, the more they pull away. The more you pull away, the more free they feel they are to come back on their own terms. It's no guarantee. It's just, if there is a chance, the best thing you can do is FORGET about the chance and move on with life.
Author tepthatass Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 what are some sign to look for that she does want you back?
BCCA Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 what are some sign to look for that she does want you back? Signs are pointless. People give 'signs' when they want you to think a certain thing, not because they mean anything by it. If you waste your efforts looking for signs, you are only going to delay the healing process. Let me tell you what little bit I know about women: 1. When they dump you, its 99% sure they mean it and its a done deal, and 2. They dont want to feel pressured to do anything. All you can do right now is move on and focus on the next chapter in your life. Listen to CaliGuy, he has it nailed dead on.
CaliGuy Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 what are some sign to look for that she does want you back? When her actions follow her words exactly. When she's beating down the door trying to get to you. When she's truly sorry, she will tell you that she wants to work on things again. There will be no mixed signals. When someone really wants you neither hell nor high water will stop them from finding you. You don't have to do a single thing. If you DO try and force a reconciliation you will simply screw it up even more. Move on with your life. Once you are healed up she'll probably come sniffing around again. And by that time you will have found someone else you like much better and won't give her a second thought.
Author tepthatass Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Here are some signs she has been giving me...at the bar she doesnt talk to guys, she only hangs with her girlfriends, and she stares at me at the bar. I know that right now she is very hurt and very mad at me. But do you think those things mean she still is interested in me? And she is very shy, so would she want me to make the first move to get her back?
CaliGuy Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Nope. That will only feed her ego. You just mind your own business, have a GREAT FREAKING TIME with your friends, laugh a lot, joke, have fun! If she sees you having fun without her, she may wonder why. When you are depressed around an ex, all that does is make them feel SORRY for you (which you don't want!) but it doesn't create love. On the contrary. Being sad around an ex only feeds their ego.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 With that username, I'd think you were just out for sex too! You two only dated a short time. I'd suggest you just move on.
Author tepthatass Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 i was thinking give her time and space since she is so mad at me right now. Like even though, she is mad at me currently doesnt mean she will mad at me forever. And then ask her to coffee as friends. Any thoughts? or things to add or remove?
CaliGuy Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Here are some signs she has been giving me...at the bar she doesnt talk to guys, she only hangs with her girlfriends, and she stares at me at the bar. I know that right now she is very hurt and very mad at me. But do you think those things mean she still is interested in me? And she is very shy, so would she want me to make the first move to get her back? i was thinking give her time and space since she is so mad at me right now. Like even though, she is mad at me currently doesnt mean she will mad at me forever. And then ask her to coffee as friends. Any thoughts? or things to add or remove? I wouldn't do it if I were you. And that's all I've got to say about that. I would move on with my life as if she never existed.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I agree with CG. In addition, I see no signs that she's interested in getting back together with you. None. Sorry dude. Learn from this and move on.
Author tepthatass Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Well, do you believe that through time and space a girl can realize she does miss you and that she made a mistake and wants you back? Like can a girl change her feelings over time?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Well, do you believe that through time and space a girl can realize she does miss you and that she made a mistake and wants you back? Like can a girl change her feelings over time? She probably wont. Maybe in like, 3 years, if you really made her happy, she'll be like "yeah ___ was pretty great, damnit" but don't bank on her coming back. If she decides shes made a mistake, she'll let you know, but do NOT wait on that, because it will probably not happen my friend, breakups happen for a reason!
Sysyphus28 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I agree with CG. In addition, I see no signs that she's interested in getting back together with you. None. Sorry dude. Learn from this and move on. I am confused about my ex calling me three tiems last weekend. I never picked up. I miss her so much and NC has been really hard! I have done it though, and I have been able to see the how awful she treated me and how poorly she handled herself towards the end of US......... Should I call her back? I wonder if she is going to apoligize. It is weak minded of me, but I hold a tiny candle that deep down thier is a shred of the old person I knew.
Author tepthatass Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 How much does it matter that i was her first? Because my friends who are girls have told me that girls always have an emotional connection with their first for a long time...
CaliGuy Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I am confused about my ex calling me three tiems last weekend. I never picked up. I miss her so much and NC has been really hard! I have done it though, and I have been able to see the how awful she treated me and how poorly she handled herself towards the end of US......... Should I call her back? I wonder if she is going to apoligize. It is weak minded of me, but I hold a tiny candle that deep down thier is a shred of the old person I knew. Here are my thoughts on that subject. Your ex called. So what? Did she leave a message? Has she sent you an email or written you a letter? No? Want to know why? Because she is saying: "I need validation that you are still sitting there pining over me, missing me. I simply want that validation -- I don't want YOU." If they wanted you, if they were sorry, if they missed you, they would be leaving messages. By not leaving messages -- and this is my interpretation -- they are looking for instant gratification. When they don't get it from you (ie: When you're not knocking yourself over to contact them), they get it from some other source. By not calling them back you are setting a boundary: "I don't care that you're calling me. You're no longer a priority in my life (just as I am no longer a priority in yours)." Remember: An ex that really wants to be with you will find you and contact you no matter what. They won't be "hitting and running" such as calling and not leaving messages. By not leaving messages they're just looking for some form of validation. Don't give it to them.
CaliGuy Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 How much does it matter that i was her first? Because my friends who are girls have told me that girls always have an emotional connection with their first for a long time... Yes but they get over it eventually. I wouldn't really put much stock in being anyone's first for anything. They remember you, but it doesn't mean they want to be with you.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Here are my thoughts on that subject. Your ex called. So what? Did she leave a message? Has she sent you an email or written you a letter? No? Want to know why? Because she is saying: "I need validation that you are still sitting there pining over me, missing me. I simply want that validation -- I don't want YOU." If they wanted you, if they were sorry, if they missed you, they would be leaving messages. By not leaving messages -- and this is my interpretation -- they are looking for instant gratification. When they don't get it from you (ie: When you're not knocking yourself over to contact them), they get it from some other source. By not calling them back you are setting a boundary: "I don't care that you're calling me. You're no longer a priority in my life (just as I am no longer a priority in yours)." Remember: An ex that really wants to be with you will find you and contact you no matter what. They won't be "hitting and running" such as calling and not leaving messages. By not leaving messages they're just looking for some form of validation. Don't give it to them. It hurts alot! But I won't call her back! Your right about the validation. She wants the quick "I'm not a bad person" fix. Caliguy. You are right on the money as usual.
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