lovesparis Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 i've been dating a guy for about 8 months. he's a really good guy- lots of fun, great sense of humor, a lot of shared interests... when he asked me to be his girlfriend i told him yes on the condition that he worked on opening up to me. that if we were going to be in a committed relationship that he would need to accept that i care for him and i care about him. he did well for a period of time, but he's shut down almost completely. i work days, he works afternoons, so we don't see each other as often as i would like. and when we do see each other, he'll come over after work and usually wake me up, and then i get up 4-5 hours before he does. we are rarely intimate, and it's recently been only at my insistence. when we go somewhere, and i drive, he brings along a book. i've asked him to talk about what he's feeling; that i can't read his mind and if he's upset at something i've done/not done, he needs to tell me so i can correct it. he doesn't call me between our pre-determined "date nights" and rarely answers the phone when i call him. i know his job is stressful and this time of year is difficult at work. i'm just feeling ignored and inconsequential. HELP! how do i get him to openup?
Angel1111 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 You need to stop trying to change him. It's not in his personality to be open - so either accept it or get out of the relationship. This is obviously a major issue with you - understandably. Picture yourself with this guy 30 yrs from now. He'll be the uncle or some old man you used to know who would sit in a room full of people and never have one thing to say. Stop focusing on changing him. It's a waste of time. The most that I would do in this situation is to remind him about how important it is to you that the two of you communicate, and that with the way things are now, this isn't working and that you won't be able to stay with him long-term if it continues. It puts the responsibility on him and keeps you from having to constantly push for what you want. Either he gives you what you need in this relationship or leave.
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