spookie Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 What are the proper boundaries now? With my boss, that is. I've kind of fluctuated between being flirty/ acting like he's my friend and ignoring him when it's not essential we interact in order not to set off anyone's radar about my liking him. I know my behavior influences his. When I was flirty, he'd always come over to discuss stuff with me. When I switched to cold, suddenly our relationship became a lot more formal and uninvolved(which depressed me). Is it ok to treat him like I would a friend? Is that unprofessional? Will it alarm other people in the department if I tend not to talk to anyone else (because they are social retards and ignore me)? Once I get transferred (a couple of months now if all goes well!) would it be wrong to turn things up a notch? Like walk upstairs with him after lunch and make conversation? The problem is, I work at a total sausage-fest where girl-boy relationship boundaries aren't even defined, AND everyone is really socially awkward.
allina Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I don't think it would be a big deal to be friends with him or go out to lunch with him. I go out to lunch with my male co-worker several times a week, no one really takes issue with people of the opposite sex being friends or having lunch. If you think it's worth it make a move after you're transferred and he is no longer your direct boss. While you should leave your personal life at home no one will freak out if they find out that so and so from this department is dating so and so from that department.
Author spookie Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 I don't think it would be a big deal to be friends with him or go out to lunch with him. I go out to lunch with my male co-worker several times a week, no one really takes issue with people of the opposite sex being friends or having lunch. If you think it's worth it make a move after you're transferred and he is no longer your direct boss. While you should leave your personal life at home no one will freak out if they find out that so and so from this department is dating so and so from that department. Thanks. I just don't want to screw up either this job or a chance for a relationship. We already have lunch together sometimes, but with a few other people, which I know will continue after I get transferred, and is reassuring.
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Just in case anyone cares, I turned the charm back on today and he spent 3 hours explaining something to me that should have taken 5 minutes, and then another half hour consoling me about the impending exam I'm going to fail, until his supervisor walked by and said, "___, did you get ANY work done this morning?" I think we're gonna make out. It's inevitable.
allina Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Just in case anyone cares, I turned the charm back on today and he spent 3 hours explaining something to me that should have taken 5 minutes, and then another half hour consoling me about the impending exam I'm going to fail, until his supervisor walked by and said, "___, did you get ANY work done this morning?" I think we're gonna make out. It's inevitable. That's NOT good spookie. When work is effected by an office crush trouble follows. He can't waste time that he doesn't need to waste "explaining" things to you. The flirty time needs to happen off the clock.
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 That's NOT good spookie. When work is effected by an office crush trouble follows. He can't waste time that he doesn't need to waste "explaining" things to you. The flirty time needs to happen off the clock. Well, it wasn't my fault he took so damn long. I told him I understood but he kept fishing around for more things to talk about. And then he stuck around to watch me do the s!ht to "make sure" I understood. But yah, it's not good, I guess. The problem is, how can our flirting ever happen off the clock? It'd be sketchy if he asked me to do something with him while he was still my boss, and at the snail's pace things are progressing, I might never get transferred out of his department at all. Ugh. That would be so depressing.
Star Gazer Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Once you're transferred, will he have any direct supervision over your work?
johan Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 That's NOT good spookie. When work is effected by an office crush trouble follows. He can't waste time that he doesn't need to waste "explaining" things to you. The flirty time needs to happen off the clock. This I agree with. This is a bit of bad judgment on his part.
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Once you're transferred, will he have any direct supervision over your work? IF I get transferred (at this point it sounds like the odds are 50/50) he will not have any supervision over my work. I don't really get why I was told I'd get transferred by Jan, actually. If I get moved, I'd be filling up an opening somewhere else, but leaving on here. What's the logic in that? Not that I'm not hopeful. Maybe he'll fire me. =)
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 So what are good walking-around-the-building-together topics of convo? I think my experience in stripping made me a pretty decent conversationalist, but my topics of choice tend to be a little too personal for the workplace. Baseball, the stock market, and bridge are the big ones here. The only ones, actually. *Yawn*. Any other ideas? We're gonna be doing a lot of walking around together tomorrow.
johan Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Here's a little tip. If he really digs you, then walking around the office with you is something he won't really be able to do. Sounds like tomorrow is the litmus test. See if he at least keeps his hands in his pockets.
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Here's a little tip. If he really digs you, then walking around the office with you is something he won't really be able to do. Sounds like tomorrow is the litmus test. See if he at least keeps his hands in his pockets. Lol. Are you serious?
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 My only idea for a conversation-started is the inevitable handball polo he'll be wearing, but it'll take some effort to act surprised at any stories that might follow, given how thoroughly I've google-stalked him.
allina Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Well, it wasn't my fault he took so damn long. I told him I understood but he kept fishing around for more things to talk about. And then he stuck around to watch me do the s!ht to "make sure" I understood. But yah, it's not good, I guess. The problem is, how can our flirting ever happen off the clock? It'd be sketchy if he asked me to do something with him while he was still my boss, and at the snail's pace things are progressing, I might never get transferred out of his department at all. Ugh. That would be so depressing. Just be careful. And trust me people would be less pissed it they thought something was going on after work than if work was falling through the cracks from his one on ones with you. Try to keep it professional at work, keep things productive. Limit the flirting and long one on one conversation to lunch and breaks.
allina Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 So what are good walking-around-the-building-together topics of convo? Food? Also you're new to Chicago there is an advantage in that. You can ask him about the best place to see live music, best Chinese food, whatever. It can also open up a chance to get together after hours
Author spookie Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 Food? Also you're new to Chicago there is an advantage in that. You can ask him about the best place to see live music, best Chinese food, whatever. It can also open up a chance to get together after hours Ooh, great ideas. I never would've thought.
Author spookie Posted October 18, 2008 Author Posted October 18, 2008 Some fancy google-work has revealed that he trains at the same YMCA that I'm signed up for a rock-climbing class. It's a coincidence, I swear. I almost choked on my muffin when I found out. Will I run into him? What will I say if I do? Will he ask me to "grad a beer" or have dinner or something, after? If we run into each other as we're leaving, for example? Is it going to be awkward? I need to start practicing feigning surprise.
Geishawhelk Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 Some fancy google-work has revealed that he trains at the same YMCA that I'm signed up for a rock-climbing class. It's a coincidence, I swear. I almost choked on my muffin when I found out. Will I run into him? What will I say if I do? "Your rock or mine?" Will he ask me to "grad a beer" or have dinner or something, after? I do hope he asks you to grad a beer. i'd so love to know what that is. Dinner, I know about. If we run into each other as we're leaving, for example? Mind the crampons. Is it going to be awkward? Only if your crampons tangle. I need to start practicing feigning surprise. How's this? or you could go for this one.... or just faint & tell him you can't stand heights....
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