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Emotionally Worn Down


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Posted

It's been a tough few years.. the last couple of weeks I've just been really down. What can I say?, It's been a lot for a person to take. At the same time I hate to make a big 'woe is me' pity party out of it... but dammit today I'm depressed. I know parts of my story are already out on LS..

 

2004.. I went on a wonderful trip where I proposed to my girlfriend on the top of a lighthouse. We came back to tell my folks about the engagement.. at the same time my mother told us she had been diagnosed with liver cancer. We started planning the wedding, it was rushed and I guess plans were changed since we didn't know how long mom would be around.

 

2005.. We were married, had the wedding which later I find out my wife didn't like.. in a way maybe it became more about my mom since she was dying of cancer .. i don't know. We start trying to have a baby.

 

2006.. My mom's health gets much worse. She goes into the hospital for a while then home for hospice care. We watch her pass away, it was not a easy way to go. My wife and I are having trouble conceiving, she goes on hormone therapy for it. She's angry a lot, she hates her job, my family. I'm depressed, withdrawn and drinking too much. My wife wants me to stop but at the time I couldn't seem to get out of it. I was still trying to cope with the loss of my mom and everything else.

 

2007.. my wife leaves me suddenly and without warning. I knew things weren't good, i knew my drinking was an issue. I wasn't mean or wrecking things or losing work but I wasn't in great shape. Still I thought we could get past a couple bad years... apparently she didn't and just took off. I stopped drinking for 6 months as I went through the divorce. My aunt passes away and a week later my uncle.

 

2008.. My dad's health takes a bad turn. He went from being independent to a walker and wheelchair. He's been in and out of the hospital at least five times this year. He has congestive heart failure. We have someone living with him .. my sister and I take turns doing what's needed. Taking him to doctors etc.. just this week I had to leave work early twice and took Friday off for an emergency visit to his doctors. It's been hard to manage my life. I worry about my job because of all the unscheduled time I'm taking off to help dad. I count my blessings that I get to spend time with him but it kills me to see him struggle like this.

 

Some days I don't even know what I'm grieving for .. it's all so connected. I'll get through all this but right now.. today I needed to share..

Posted

People go through up and downs. Eventually, you will go up again.

 

What do you do for living?

Posted

as cruel as it sounds, I think there's a lot of truth to the saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle ... but what people forget to add is that he gives you the necessary graces to get through times like these. And I think that despite the pain that shows through your written word, you're handling this with a heck of a lot of grace – another person would crumble.

 

so, muchos abrazos to you, sum, and know that we're pulling for you.

quank

Posted
as cruel as it sounds, I think there's a lot of truth to the saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle ... but what people forget to add is that he gives you the necessary graces to get through times like these. And I think that despite the pain that shows through your written word, you're handling this with a heck of a lot of grace – another person would crumble.

 

so, muchos abrazos to you, sum, and know that we're pulling for you.

quank

 

 

I agree, what's weird I grew up in church but was never that close to God, and for the past few years I was praying to be nearer to God and it took my gf dumping me breaking my heart etc. To finally be closer to God than I've ever been. And I feel it for you, but there will be brighter days.

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Posted
as cruel as it sounds, I think there's a lot of truth to the saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle ... but what people forget to add is that he gives you the necessary graces to get through times like these. And I think that despite the pain that shows through your written word, you're handling this with a heck of a lot of grace – another person would crumble.

 

so, muchos abrazos to you, sum, and know that we're pulling for you.

quank

 

Thanks QA.. I tell myself I'm doing about as well as I can. I do have some support from friends and others like folks on LS. Seems like going through this without my ex-wife so soon after the divorce has maybe made it harder to move on. Gets hard to separate the emotions and I find myself thinking about her again as my father's health deteriorates. To have that someone to talk with when I'm home, to cover the bases I can't cover, just to hold .. all those things I miss a lot lately. I haven't had much luck in the dating department either... then again that's maybe not surprising.. after all I'm pretty stressed and not exactly the most socially enjoyable guy around at the moment... oh well, tomorrow rolls on.

Posted

I am so sorry for all your loss. You are going to come out of this strong as hell! The day does roll on...your right. Life isn't easy, but when you face the pain, you build tolerance like a bee-sting. My buddy was married 8 years and came home to his wife sleeping with his friend.....awful.

He is as strong as an ox now.

Take comfort that other people do care.

especially here on LS.

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