Disillusioned Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 My friend Jim (not his real name) has been on an emotional roller coaster lately. Now, he and I both know what it feels like to experience losing someone we've lived with... with me, it was my mother, whom I cared for when she was dying of cancer; for Jim, it was his wife, who became so controlling, that he packed his belongings and all but abandoned her at the end of last summer, almost a year after my mother died. Admittedly, living in my mother's house had put the kibosh on any chances of having a gf, much less a wife (though to my credit, I never abandoned my mother when she was ill, and I've managed to keep myself from going broke, once I inherited the house), but now my problem is a little different... I'll explain that below. The end of this summer was the last straw for Jim. When my mother was diagnosed, Jim and I buried the hatchet right there in my mother's hospital room (his former friends and I had been angry at him for ignoring us when he was infatuated with his new bride). It was humiliating as hell, but we did it just the same. As it turned out, Jim and I needed each other. A couple of weeks ago, on my day off from work, Jim called me early in the morning in tears. He wanted to come by my house, so I invited him over to sit down and talk. Since he and I buried our grudge a year ago, it was hard for me to believe that his wife---who had always been so sweet and generous whenever I dropped in on them---could be as controlling as Jim says. His FIL moved in with them shortly after they married and the wife took out a mortgage on the house, and although I never met the old man (who had leukemia and was bedridden), this went on for 7 years, and Jim put up with it, believing things would eventually get better. By the time the FIL died last April, Jim had become little more than a boarder in his own home: his wife insisted that he fork over his earnings so that SHE could pay the mortgage and the bills. At that point, she was no longer acting like a wife, she was building her own little empire. So, anyhow, after his emotional visit to my house, Jim called his uncle and I over to the wife's house, so that we could carry his belongings over to his mother's place (I am cursed with a truck, so I got to take all the machine tools) while his wife the doctor was at work. When she arrived home, she began texting him constantly, and stalked Jim's mother's house more than once... apparently, this woman is learning how it feels to have no one whom she can control. Though Jim doubts it, he just might end up with the wife's house, because 1. when her dad died in April, she inherited his now-vacant house in another county which is now worth over a million dollars, and 2. my friend not only lived in the wife's house for years, but he shelled out $20K to have a new floor installed in the place. So, the judge just might award him the house, once they take this mess to court. Three weeks later, Jim's wife is still texting him constantly, still stalking. In the meantime, I've been trying to start a local singles group, but few people seemed interested... and along comes Jim, raving about how he feels so free to have walked out on that domineering wife of his. I admit that one of my barriers to finding a life partner has been my pickiness; Ann Landers was right when she said that if something bothers you before marriage, it will become unbearable during the marriage. More than once now, after leaving his wife's house, Jim has told me (just out of the blue) "now I know why you're picky". Since he said that, I am really starting to believe it's better to be lonely, than to be with the wrong person. Anyhow, Jim is currently playing a sort of catch-up since the move... he is spending more time with his friends and launching new projects, even getting a couple of new jobs, now that he feels he has "liberated" himself from his wife's bizarre whims. He even took my suggestion that he needed to start taking an hour of "me" time for himself each day... he says it has really helped him (before all this, he worked a vampire-like schedule). Jim is starting over, but he's helping me get to the starting line in the first place. I promised to review his instructional DVD when he finishes it, and in return, he is helping to promote my first sci-fi novel. As far as social situations go, my idea of starting a singles group has pretty much gone out the window, because when Jim pressed me about it, he said "it sounds like you really don't want to run it", and later, I realized he's right. For all the searching I've done in vain, I've been trying to use logic to find a life partner, when I should have been counterintuitive. Jim says that he wants to teach me how to be counterintuitive, so that I'll be able to tell if women at my book signing are flirting with me. About the only thing better than having a loving wife IMO would be having a loving wife who enjoys reading your books. About the worst thing that can happen is that I'll attract women who aren't my type, but hey, who can fault me for making the effort to face my fear and promote my work at the same time?
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