Cheating on GF with Married girl + Kid and Abussive husband.

[tomorrow]

So I met this girl who at my work, who was only in town for a week on a business trip. Long story short, we felt a huge connection, and ended up sleeping together twice.

First off, on my side of things, I have or had... kinda... a girlfriend. We broke up a number of weeks ago because things just wern't working out, well she broke things off not me. Anyways, thing have been extremely rocky for us over the last 6 months, and basically I fell out of love with her almost completely. I sitll think she's a great person, however because of mass moodswings and things, anger she was taking out on me, my feeling went down hill over time. Were together for 3 years.

Anyways we've been "trying" to work on things over the last few weeks since the break up to see if anything can be salvaged.

 

So... I met this girl, who's gorgeous and yes I cheating on my gf with her. Being with her was amazing and we both feel this enormous connection between us. She's got a very abbusive husband who calls her constantely to check up on her, he's extremely insecure, although I'll add before this time, she's never cheated on him. (Either have I on my gf)

 

She lives halfway across the country from me, and also has a young kid with her husband.

Words aren't enought to describe how abbusive he is towards her, from what she's told me and from what I heard while they talk on the phone. I've never really been in a situation like this before. Right now, I have my hands tide behind my back and I'm not sure what to do. Apparently he takes her cell phone away so she can't call, or txt me. As well, her husband has made repeated calls to my cell, threatning to kill me. ( He's into some businesses that one might not want to piss off, or in other words, I may have slept with the wrong guys wife...and I'm being dead serious there.) He sounded very calm when he said I should expect to see him shortly.

 

Anyways, I just wanted some feedback on what I can do to support her? She can't really leave him because he refuses to go anywhere, and I think they've been together more than 10 years. She keeps trying to work things out with him, but from what she tells me it keeps getting worse. Is there anything I can do?

 

As for my own relationship, my gf knows and still wants to be with me and that makes things really hard. Most of the feelings I had for my gf dissapeard and although I've tried to rekindle things, it's never come back. My gf is still trying to do everything she can to win my feeling back, even after this cheating thing happend.

[carhill]

Do you like drama?

 

Do you want to die?

 

If yes, proceed

 

If no, wish this person well and go on with your life. If the calls threatening your life are on VM, forward them and your cell records to the the police so they can take appropriate action. You can and do have control of your life. You can't fix everyone or anyone else's. They have that power.

[tomorrow]

That's true, but I feel obligated to help her get out of this abbusive relationship. My mother went through the same thing and I refuse to let others fall into the same place.

As for my safety, am I worried. Yes. Very... kinda yeh. If it were a normal husband that called me pissed off, I might not worry that much. Her husband though is high up is certain businesses, and I know there's no lying in that. Cars got paid for in cash... house got paid for in cash... it's easy to do the math. For my own saftey I recognize it would be better to just back away from the situation, however I've fallen for her completely.

 

 

Do you like drama?

 

Do you want to die?

 

If yes, proceed

 

If no, wish this person well and go on with your life. If the calls threatening your life are on VM, forward them and your cell records to the the police so they can take appropriate action. You can and do have control of your life. You can't fix everyone or anyone else's. They have that power.

[carhill]

That's true, but I feel obligated to help her get out of this abusive relationship. My mother went through the same thing and I refuse to let others fall into the same place.

 

Admirable. What do you propose? Have you had experience with this before? I have, so that's why I ask.

[tomorrow]

What do you mean by propose?

 

I guess there's two sides to this... correct me if I wrong. On one hand I delevoped feelings for her, as she did for me.

 

On the flip side, her husband is very calm but pissed off with me, so yes my safety is a concern, however so is her's now know the way he is abussive towards her. I know he hits her, he's a control freak, and I know that's something my mother went through and it really creates a beef with me.

At the same time however, I recognize the safety concerns her husbands presents... I'm not sure it's a joking matter at this point either, I understand it's pretty serious, however... I think the feelings I developed for her are keeping me here as well as wanting to see her get out of her relationship.

[BlueHarvest]

Tommorow in your original post you state

 

"So... I met this girl, who's gorgeous and yes I cheating on my gf with her. Being with her was amazing and we both feel this enormous connection between us. She's got a very abbusive husband who calls her constantely to check up on her, he's extremely insecure, although I'll add before this time, she's never cheated on him. (Either have I on my gf)"

 

In the first sentance you state that you cheated on your GF with this married woman. Then in the second you say she never cheated on him and then you say "either have I on my GF".

 

Yet you just said you did cheat on her. How do you think that makes your GF feel? Maybe her moodswings aren't as "crazy" as you think. People aren't as dumb as you make them out to be. You can tell when someone is acting different...especially if you two have been seeing each other for 3 years.

 

Rectify your OWN relationship first. Advise your "crush" on what she should do. If her husband physically abuses her she can leave him, police can help with that. So can the courts. It's a hard road...but noone said life was easy.

 

She is also as you stated, half the country away. You really going to move halfway across the country for a woman you have really only slept with a few times? Have you even thought this through? I mean you only saw her for a week tops. How much can you learn from a person in a week?

 

I think you have a crush, got pulled in with sex even further, want to be the "hero" of her relationship. Trust me, I have a similar situation I'm in.

 

Problem is you have alot of extreme variables that you cannot control. I'd say just let her go and worry about your life.

[carhill]

What do you mean by propose?

 

What is your plan of action? What are going to do to get her out of this abusive relationship? Specifically? This is where the wicket gets sticky

[Konfuzion]

I am sorry but when you are in a rocky relationship and she is in a rocky relationship and you both come together and have a week of casual sex I highly doubt there is any strong connection there, you probably just both want to fix the others dramatic life. Walk away worry about yourself and let her worry about herself, you cant fix her or help her in her relationship.

[tomorrow]

What is your plan of action? What are going to do to get her out of this abusive relationship? Specifically? This is where the wicket gets sticky

 

I'm not sure at all to be honest. I can't even contact her half the time now because her husband has her cellphone incase I do. Yesterday I treid calling and he picked up. He called me right back and told me to expect to see him around shortly. Right now, I have 0 ways of contacting her, he's got her cell, and he keeps her locked in the house from what she's told me. What can I do?...

 

As for the above post, I'm trying to look at everything with both sides in mind. Abussive husband, she has a kid, halfway across the country, and my own gf wants us to work things out. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet... but I know that I really fell for her, and although we only spent a few days todgether, we've been talking now for 2 weeks when we can.

 

As for the cheating part you mentioned, I previously nor has she cheating before on anyone. And that includes previous relationships I've had, it was just a really strong connection we had.

My gf found out because I told her upfront, though you are right she could sense something was wrong.

[Bryanp]

I am going to be harsh with you. You are a fool and you are seriously going to be hurt. From your description it is clear that the husband is in organized crime. He knows your cell phone. My guess is that he now knows the truth. The fact that he was calm is really a bad sign. If he is in organized crime then I suggest that you get your legal matters finalized. Clearly he is not going to allow you to walk away untouched after screwing his wife. I do not know what you can do.

[tomorrow]

Well... your not the first one to tell me that My friends who listened to his voice mails wern't as concerned about the voice mail as they were about the fact he sounded really calm.

 

I am going to be harsh with you. You are a fool and you are seriously going to be hurt. From your description it is clear that the husband is in organized crime. He knows your cell phone. My guess is that he now knows the truth. The fact that he was calm is really a bad sign. If he is in organized crime then I suggest that you get your legal matters finalized. Clearly he is not going to allow you to walk away untouched after screwing his wife. I do not know what you can do.

[Bryanp]

My question to you is that is there a way for you to get in touch with this woman.? Will she be able to tell you whether or not he knows? Did she confess to the husband about you? Did she put on spin on this to the husband telling him you seduced her and it was not her fault. You need to get as much information as possible as to what she thinks his intentions are. You may need to contact the police for your own protection.

[Angel1111]

I haven't read any of the other comments but, first of all, the thing that jumped out at me right off the bat is that if this man is really abusive, then this affair is doing nothing but escalating the abuse. If for no other reason, you need to end this affair for her sake and the kids'. This is not even remotely humorous or entertaining. And what kind of drugs are both of you on not to expect ANY spouse to be incredibly pissed off about their spouse having an affair??? Are you serious here? You act like you're talking about a stroll through the park, when in reality this is a situation that could not only get her and her son either killed or seriously injured, but you as well.

 

This girl knows where you live and how to reach you. End it and let her contact you if she leaves him. And I'm here to tell you that there is nothing and no one who can stop a person from leaving if they want to. So don't even buy into that crap that she can't leave. Because that's all it is - crap.

 

I have no doubt that's she's miserable and unhappy but you need to remove yourself from this insanity now. I don't care how much it hurts. There is a child involved who is listening to all the ranting and raving that is going on and you are party to that. Stop it now. As for your former gf, she's a non-issue. Why would you even consider going back to someone you no longer love? Amazingly enough, she'll be the same person she was before the two of you broke up. Besides, you now have feelings for someone else. Why would you even consider going back to her?

[Angel1111]

Now that I've read your other comments, I'd say you need to disappear - if it's not already too late. And change your cell phone number. And if you think this woman is locked in her house, then call the police in that area and tell them that you haven't heard from your friend in awhile and are getting concerned. They'll go over there and do a check. But just be prepared that if this man has connections, he'll probably find out who made that call.

 

Because of his corrupt power, you are probably totally screwed here unless you just simply disappear into the night. Your other option is to stick around and hope for the best. Of course, you could fight fire with fire and go after him but then you're really asking for trouble - and if you do that, consider your life as you know it over. Whatever you decide, you need to stop trying to contact this woman because you are playing with fire and you are nuts to to pursue another man's wife so blatantly. The two of you should've kept quiet about this affair until you decided what to do because it has put you at an extreme disadvantage.

[Angel1111]

I just thought of something else. If you're really intent on doing something, then hop on a plane and sit across from her house where you can't be seen and watch the activity there for awhile. If you see him leave without her, then see if you can talk to her at the house. If you see her leave, then follow her. It's extreme and basically nuts but if you just refuse to give it up and want to help her, then this is probably the only thing you can do. Then you'll have to figure out how to get her and her son out of there. How you'll handle it from there is up to the two of you. But I can tell you, even if you get her out of there, her husband is going to pull every trick in the book to get back at both of you.

 

The truth is, this woman needs to get out of there for herself. There's just not that much you can do. Maybe if you get her out of there, she can pretend she's not seeing you anymore and try to divorce him. That's probably the only thing that's going to stop this. Then after about a year or so, you can resume your relationship with her.

[tomorrow]

Thanks for the replies. At this point, with his phone calls to me, and voice mails, him remaining so calm in them, and knowing his businesses and connections... reality is starting to hit that I think he is being really serious with his threats. I didn't really think about it in depth until all your replies that... I did just have an affair with a married mans wife, and if that's not bad enough, the guy's into crime.

I'm not a person who runs and hides, although the seriousness of the situation is catching up to me and I'm thinking about my options deffinately. It's hard to believe he would actually fly here or have someone else fly here to hurt me, but when your house and car are paid for in cash... I suppose if some guy has some fun with his wife, you'd like to have some fun with him.

[Angel1111]

These people have very few boundaries, extremely big egos, and money is no object. You do the math.

 

I'm hoping that he's just threatening you but you need to be careful. This would scare me but I really don't know what I'd do in this kind of situation.

[lkjh]

Lets me get this straight, you barely know her and she cheats on her H with you and you believe this is her first time doing this. Shes married to a person with low character so I doubt she is as classy as you think. Cut her out of your life and avoid her H, don't be so foolish in believing everything people say especially people of low character.

[Javelin]

Anyone who is able to cheat on their husband, let alone boyfriend is not relationship material. That statement actually pertains to you both, because in a sense, neither of you are trustworthy or honest.

[Stockalone]

You don't even have to piss off someone in organized crime to get him to come after you. Even average joe might come after you for screwing his wife.

 

However, I doubt that you would get a warning over the phone, especially from someone in organized crime. Leaving such obvious traces would be a huge mistake. A calm and determined enemy would not make such mistakes.

 

Of course, it could be possible that her husband is so far up the food chain that he doesn't need to worry about his phone calls as they might not be traceable. If that is the case, then you are in deep sh*t.

 

So, if you believe that those calls you got are a legitimate threat, then you need to go to the police as other posters have suggested. Good luck.

[Al_Bundy]

So... I met this girl, who's gorgeous and yes I cheating on my gf with her. Being with her was amazing and we both feel this enormous connection between us. She's got a very abbusive husband who calls her constantely to check up on her, he's extremely insecure,

 

Well duh! Looks like he has good reason.

 

 

although I'll add before this time, she's never cheated on him.

 

And you know this for a fact how? Oh, because she told you?

 

 

She lives halfway across the country from me, and also has a young kid with her husband.

Words aren't enought to describe how abbusive he is towards her, from what she's told me and from what I heard while they talk on the phone.

 

Uh huh, key words there in bold. And I highly doubt this is the first time she has cheated. could it be that she is a runaround and he is someone that refuses to get rid of her and calls her in desperation because he knows she is messing around?

 

 

I've never really been in a situation like this before. Right now, I have my hands tide behind my back and I'm not sure what to do. Apparently he takes her cell phone away so she can't call, or txt me.

 

And you'd blame him why? Does it seem controlling? Sure, but what would you do with a cheating wife?

 

Me? I'd just divorce her if I were him. Its not worth it.

 

 

As well, her husband has made repeated calls to my cell, threatning to kill me. ( He's into some businesses that one might not want to piss off, or in other words, I may have slept with the wrong guys wife...and I'm being dead serious there.) He sounded very calm when he said I should expect to see him shortly.

 

Well then maybe you should stop sleeping with someone's wife.

 

 

Anyways, I just wanted some feedback on what I can do to support her?

 

Nothing. it isn't your place to support someone that cheats on their spouse. Especially when you are part of the problem.

 

 

 

She can't really leave him because he refuses to go anywhere, and I think they've been together more than 10 years.

 

Yadda yadda yadda. She can leave any time she wants. She can get a divorce, get half the marital assets, custody of her kid, and life goes on.

 

Thats an excuse.

 

 

 

She keeps trying to work things out with him, but from what she tells me it keeps getting worse.

 

Well maybe she needs to stop cheating. I know, you said she said this is the first time she has cheating. don't swallow it.

 

 

 

As for my own relationship, my gf knows and still wants to be with me and that makes things really hard. Most of the feelings I had for my gf dissapeard

 

Then what are you still dangling her on a string for? Man up.

[GPFan]

So I met this girl who at my work, who was only in town for a week on a business trip. Long story short, we felt a huge connection, and ended up sleeping together twice.

 

<snip>

 

She lives halfway across the country from me, and also has a young kid with her husband.

 

<snip>

 

Anyways, I just wanted some feedback on what I can do to support her? She can't really leave him because he refuses to go anywhere, and I think they've been together more than 10 years. She keeps trying to work things out with him, but from what she tells me it keeps getting worse. Is there anything I can do?

Where is he supposed to go?

 

There is nothing you can do to 'support' her. She is the only person who can extricate herself and her child from any abusive situation. I don't know why you think she can't leave her husband as she most certainly can.

 

How can he keep her locked in her home when she had the need to travel for business? Has she abandoned said business? Doesn't add up.

 

 

 

As for my own relationship, my gf knows and still wants to be with me and that makes things really hard. Most of the feelings I had for my gf dissapeard and although I've tried to rekindle things, it's never come back. My gf is still trying to do everything she can to win my feeling back, even after this cheating thing happend.

End this relationship and move on if you truly have no feelings left for your girlfriend. You do a disservice to both of you by staying and living a lie. Move on and find someone else.

 

 

 

 

That's true, but I feel obligated to help her get out of this abbusive relationship. My mother went through the same thing and I refuse to let others fall into the same place.

As for my safety, am I worried. Yes. Very... kinda yeh. If it were a normal husband that called me pissed off, I might not worry that much. Her husband though is high up is certain businesses, and I know there's no lying in that. Cars got paid for in cash... house got paid for in cash... it's easy to do the math. For my own saftey I recognize it would be better to just back away from the situation, however I've fallen for her completely.

How can you feel such a strong obligation to someone you spent a week with and had sex with twice? All of these allegations you are making about him and the nature of his work and purchasing homes with cash must have come from her. Had you considered that she may want you to be afraid of her husband so you don't make any drastic moves?

 

She riles you up with a sob story and then keeps you in line by hinting at great danger. If he has left threats on your phone, then make a police report to have on file in case something does happen down the line.

 

Assuming you do truly believe there is so much incredible danger lurking about, then why do you insist on calling her? That can only make it more dangerous for you, her and the child. Surely you see that continuous attempts at contact is working at cross-purpose to your stated desire to see her safe.

 

 

 

What do you mean by propose?

I am sure he does not mean for you to ride in on your white horse, propose marriage and save this helpless waif.

 

I get the sense this is what you really would like to do. It is a hopelessly romantic notion that won't work under the conditions you have described.