MAR Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't seem to be attracted to or interested in anyone and I would do anything to feel that fire... When I go out with friends I seem to attract men but I'm not interested in any of them. Part of the problem is that I don't believe their attraction. I mean, we're usually in pubs or clubs and so I assume I'm being approached for 2 reasons, 1) I'm female; and 2) It's dark so they can't see all my flaws. I just find it hard to believe anyone is *really* attracted to me. And even if I did believe it then I would have to work so hard to keep the facade going if I saw this person later. I've always felt a great bond with men. I've often had trouble relating to other women and I often get told that I think like a man. So when I meet men I'm always friendly and eager to have a new friendship with someone who gets me. The problem is they always want more or once they realize I only want friendship with them then they don't want to talk to me and I feel angry and hurt. The always misread me or misunderstand me. I'm very independent and I've always been sure that marriage and kids are not for me. For some reason, men seem to think this means all I want is sex, which is not the case. I love sex as much as the next person but my reasons for not wanting marriage have to do with my independence and not with my sex drive. I don't want to sleep around. I just want to be attracted to someone. There's nothing wrong with the men I meet - it's just that I don't feel "it". I just don't know what is wrong with me. I feel dead inside sometimes.
Geishawhelk Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I don't know what is wrong with me. .....Part of the problem is that I don't believe their attraction. I..... It's dark so they can't see all my flaws. I just find it hard to believe anyone is *really* attracted to me. And even if I did believe it then I would have to work so hard to keep the facade going if I saw this person later. ...... I feel dead inside sometimes. You need professional counselling because you have very obviously have extremely low self-esteem....
Angel1111 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 There's a lot of truth in your belief that bars are not the best places to meet men, since men they're usually drunk and are mainly looking for someone to go home with them that night. But usually, these guys are pretty obvious and I think you would be able to tell the difference. Even if you can't, you're not going home with them that night so it doesn't matter. If you give someone your phone number and never hear from him again, you'll know what happened. If you do hear from him, go out with him and see what happens. No matter what you think, men typically do not approach women they're not interested in. Plus, you're doing yourself and any potential relationship a disservice by making the assumption that he's really not attracted to you, or drawing conclusions about his motives right off the bat. You cannot expect men to be interested in a friendship if they've approached you for a dating relationship. That's usually just an insult to them. If you go out with a guy and you're interested, then great. If you're not, then let him know that if he asks you out again. If he suggests that the two of you still be friends, then take him up on it. Otherwise, stop making this suggestion to men. You would probably change your mind about marriage if you met a guy who was willing to give you your freedom. If you're very intelligent and independent, you're going to need to understand that you're unique and, therefore, require someone unique in your life. I run into this all the time and have just learned to accept it. Most of the guys I meet who think they want to be with me, either do not interest me or I know very quickly that the relationship won't work. Once you understand that you aren't going to be attracted to the average guy, you'll understand yourself better.
carhill Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't seem to be attracted to or interested in anyone and I would do anything to feel that fire... I've always felt a great bond with men. I've often had trouble relating to other women and I often get told that I think like a man. So when I meet men I'm always friendly and eager to have a new friendship with someone who gets me. Do you see the conundrum here? If these are essential thought processes for you, IMO you are sending out mixed signals and will likely blow right on by a compatible man. A man, even a man who "gets" you, doesn't want to date a man. He wants to date a woman. He celebrates your differences. This is so crucial. I call it "psychological gender reversal" when you appear as a woman and behave and signal as a man. I can see it in how you move and how you speak and how you approach subjects and conversation. Anyway, counseling will only help you if you want it to. Do you want help? As far as male friends, IME, the best way to make platonic male friends is through interests. Once established, you maintain those friendships through appropriate mutual interest and boundaries. Those with which you can have a mutually satisfying mix of both are the ones you keep.
Konfuzion Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Time to take a long deep look inside. As mentioned time for counselling. Good luck.
Author MAR Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 You would probably change your mind about marriage if you met a guy who was willing to give you your freedom. If you're very intelligent and independent, you're going to need to understand that you're unique and, therefore, require someone unique in your life. I run into this all the time and have just learned to accept it. Most of the guys I meet who think they want to be with me, either do not interest me or I know very quickly that the relationship won't work. Once you understand that you aren't going to be attracted to the average guy, you'll understand yourself better. Thank you - you do make an interesting point. I guess I just wish I was the average woman who was happy with the typical relationship. It's a very lonely life when you're not like anyone else. I think I do understand myself somewhat. I just can't seem to meet anyone that understands me.
Author MAR Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 You need professional counselling because you have very obviously have extremely low self-esteem.... Do you really think so? I just don't know anymore. How could I be that wrong about how I look? I look at myself everyday in the mirror. I should have a fairly good idea of how I appear, shouldn't I? ugh. This is confusing.
carhill Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I guess I just wish I was the average woman who was happy with the typical relationship. You define what is "normal" or "average" for yourself. Can you have satisfying, healthy relationships with others? Answering that question honestly is a great barometer of what is "normal" for you, IMO.
Green Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Wow mar I think I understand you, and seriously if I was romanticaly interested in a girl and she still wanted to be friends I would just keep hitting on her till she told me to go away, or try to turn it into a fwb
Author MAR Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 Wow mar I think I understand you, and seriously if I was romanticaly interested in a girl and she still wanted to be friends I would just keep hitting on her till she told me to go away, or try to turn it into a fwb LOL! thanks..that response gave me some insight into some male friends that I was worried might not be taking the 'friendship talk' to heart.
Recommended Posts