sweetappl2 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago because he needed to figure out what was going on with his life. He's been real down on himself because he doesn't know what he wants to do and it shows even at work. He is a very mature guy for his age, very trustful, honest, and loving and I know that he is really having an issue with this and that he needs time. It is not just some excuse to get out of a relationship, he has very high expectations for himself. He said he is ready to settle down (just in general) and that he just doesn't feel like he is prepared for that because he still doesn't know for sure what to do (go to the military, school, job, etc). Well for the first three weeks I made the mistake of keeping in touch with him too much and we would get into arguments and stuff and it was just horrible. I finally broke down to one of my closest girlfriends because I felt like the whole time, I was still in a relationship with him because we talked all the time. Well a little over a week ago with her advice, I stopped calling and texting him and he really has come back. He's been taking the initiative and he'll even make comments where he thinks I'm seeing another guy or something because I am happy at work and choosing to live my life. He seems to be a bit jealous. He also asks why I don't talk to him as much and overall I could tell that it was bugging him. Since i stopped talking to him as much, he's been a lot more cutsy around me and friendly. Today he wanted to hang out and I agreed. It was an absolutely wonderful day, however he still hasn't given me any answers on us. The other night he randomly txted me at 3 in the morning and asked if we got back together how far would the relationship go? it really seemed as if he was looking to see if I would say long term because I know he is considering the military. I felt the whole day we hung out, like we were back together because I talked to him/he talked to me like I did when I was dating him and he was very cutsy, smiling, joked with me, tried to tickle me, and happy to see me. However, he noticed I was kinda down throughout the day and said well maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore just in groups. I told him it was just because we had such an amazing day that it made me miss the times we had. He has told me on occasion that he misses it too, and he really acted toward me the same way as when we were dating. I guess what I'm worried about is I don't want to fall into the "friend zone" in that its okay to be just friends, he can still be happy hanging out with me in the same way because that is not what I want. I'm not sure what to do from here.... I don't know if I should continue acting distant? By distant, I mean him calling and txting me all the time. I always answer when he does, but should I be doing that? BTW, both of us I guess you could say hope that we get back together. I know I do, and he has more of a if we are meant to be together, we will kind of approach to it. I'm just not sure what is going on as far as what happened today, the signals are confusing! He acts like we're a couple (i mean minus the kisses and hand holding n stuff) but yet he still needs to be broken up.
Konfuzion Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 This is a tough one for me, and maybe someone can give some better advice than this but I will give it a shot. I think the main problem I see is that you said that when he text's or calls you always answer right away, I would be a little more selective as to when you answer so you appear as if your busy and getting on with your life. You shouldn't be at his beck and call for whenever he needs you. I think even a little period of no contact might benefit you as he will start to really think about what he is loosing, tough love.... Anyway good luck to you in whatever you do
Author sweetappl2 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Well I had a talk with him. He didn't call me or text me at all the day after we hung out but then he briefly called me today on his way to work. I asked him you know how you asked that question about what I felt about you, like if we would be long term or think that he was someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with? I was wondering what your answer to the question was about me. And he told me without hesitation that he felt the same way that I felt.... that I wanted to be with him. And that made me feel better. Trouble is we are still broken up... I know he needs time to think and I'm trying my best to be patient and support him through this time. Its just been nervewracking wondering what has been going on inside his head so I finally asked him. I guess I should just try to limit contact, let him come to me, give him his space, etc??? I just wish he'd come around soon. I miss him! He always gets worried adn thinks that I don't want to talk to him such as yesterday when we didn't talk. I just haven't been initiating contact. Sigh.. I just wish things could be wonderful and us be back together again.
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