I Can't Give Up.

[smosch]

Ok, so I would like to say thanks so much to everyone that is going to read this. I have only posted here once, but this place is amazing and with replies I can only want to come back.

 

Now be honest, the truth hurts, but I know what I want to hear, so why ask for it again.

 

Me any my girl were together for about a year and a half before we started to fight. Not bad, but we began to get picky. We took a break, got back together and then broke up over the summer. I realized over the summer how much I truly love her, she is my first love, but after being with her I don't see how I could possibly look at anyone, anything, think, without even being reminded of her. I lost my virginity to her, and she was my first kiss. She was my everything, and this is pretty cheesey, and I know I'm going to get a lot of "get over its," but I can honestly say I know what love is when I'm with her.

 

Now we started talking back in August, and pretty much confessed our feelings that we still had for each other. We decided to not try to hurt each other we shouldn't push too fast. I asked her if she had done anything and I found out her friend had damn nearly turned her into a whore. She made out with a guy, (mind you she isn't legal) nearly 10 years older than her. I told her I didn't do anything, but I lied. Two weeks ago I told her, I had kissed one girl I had a little fling with, and made out with another. I have realized I over reacted because I'm really not experienced and it's not that big of a deal, but I broke her trust when I lied to her. I had built everything back and broke it again, but she is extremely forgiving and was able to look towards the love rather than the hate.

 

During our recent relationship we became very close, we hung out more than before, trusted each other, the whole nine yards. I have some family problems, so her house has virtually been my home. Her mom was like a second mom. But we still tended to fight. I guess I was controlling. I wanted her to stop hanging out with one of her best friend because that friend threatened some pretty bad stuff to me. I asked her not to mention it, but I still overreacted and got mad at her. She told me that I needed to stop, and believe me I tried, but I really guess I couldn't. I told her I didn't like her friends because I would get mad about things and they would only see her side, and I guess I criticized things. I tried to only voice my opinion, but opinion is very harsh and mean. I had told her that I didn't think her car was pretty, and she took it for me not being excited for her, which is the exact opposite. I was so happy for her, and plus now we had some real mode of transportation. I told her I didn't think she should go brag about her car too much, saying things like "I only need the $500 leather interior." Being from an underpriveleged family, I told her that she shouldn't say that, but I wasn't very understanding. We kept talking, and she still diagnosed be as controlling. I told her I am trying and it was turing into her controlling it more I believe. I have a short temper, but I wish she could have only helped me change rather than just yelling at me.

 

So today, I asked her to drive me to my best friends house. She is good friends with him, and so she came in as well. I don't really trust him with her because I know he wanted to hook up with her over summer. My friend had made plans to go to breakfast with us (me and another friend at the house) but he told us he wasn't going to be able to go because he had to rearrange and paint his room. My girl wanted to help which was fine, but when we were going to go to breakfast, but we tried to get her to come and she wouldn't because she wanted to help my friend paint. I didn't want to be too controlling so we left, and she helped, but not even a hug goodbye. Later today I found out she went with him and her friend out too lunch, which I found shady because #1) he said he couldn't go anywhere, and two, I wanted her to come with me, but she wanted to go later. I called her out on it, and I went to visit her. She wasn't very happy to see me, and I started to criticize, taking it a bit too far saying my friend was shady, and asking her why she wouldn't come with me.

 

So we stopped, she kicked me out of her car, and I went to her house and waited. When she came home, her mom kicked me out and she didn't want to talk to me. Her mom has been through bad relationships, and I know her mom told her to stop being with me. We talked, she told me she couldn't deal with the jealousy and controlling-ness, which hurts me to death. She knows I am trying and all I want to do is love her like she knows I can. But I can't give up. I want to talk to her, but I don't want to smother. I know its over. It sucks! I can't go up to her and just be friends, because it hurts too much because I love her. Everything relates too her.

 

I want her soo bad. I know her mom or friends won't let her be with me. They hate me, and so now does her mom. I have tried to be her boyfriend again, but she didn't want to during this, so we really didn't break up, but we stopped whatever we were.

 

I'm so hurt and ruined. I will never stop trying to be with her, but I just don't know if she would let herself do it. She thinks she'll get fooled into something, when all I want to do is give her my love, and try.

 

I can't stop crying and I don't know what I do, so please read this story and help me out with some advice. Thanks being like the trusting friend I really don't have!!!

 

-James

[norajane]

Very few people end up with their first loves. It sounds like you two have run your course and it's time to accept that you just don't make each other happy, either in words or actions.

 

Let it go. It will hurt for a while - breaking up usually does! - but when it's in the past, you will have a clearer view of how your needs weren't being met and how breaking up was the best thing because it cleared the way for you to meet someone who fits better with you.

 

People change over time. What you want today (her) will not always be what you want.

[You'reasian]

Not many people make it to the year and a half mark. Congratulations on that! Atleat the two of you can be together.

 

As far as your situation, I would cool off and persue your own interests.